FF VII AD: A long, late, laughable review
Is this a gag article? I wonder. (Then I realise no one reads this anyways, so who CARES?)
Well, yes, I watched Advent Children.
And, yes, I'm as much for homosexuality as the next yaoi fangirl.
And I appreciated the euphemistic "All fans of FF VII" in the credits because no sense spreading to the world who we are, right?
BUT WHERE ARE MY MILLION-DOLLAR BOUNCING BOOBS???
I mean, it is completely unfair. Yes, I, me, and my libido loved the slant of the movie. But please, as much as I understand marketing, and how yaoi fangirls buy the merchandise and pay those exhorbitant CG bills, Squaresoft, guys still watch your movie.
And as moviemakers, you have a responsibilty to the -gasp- male or non-fangirl population of your audience.
And, frankly, I am insulted to see that this responsibilty was not only not dealt with, it was made fun of.
We know that Cloud's ass is worth a Nokia cellphone. (And that he's the resident gay slut of this particular game.) He looks wonderfully sore after his 'encounter' with Vincent, he pisses off young girls but heroically saves young boys, and lets not forget the old standby of sword imagery between him and Sephiroth.
So there was really no need for his - and the movie's - treatment of Tifa. Yes, the "oh-fuck-she-has-boobs" look on his face was funny the first time, but the joke was a crass one, at best. And it got seriously off when the movie not only emphasised Tifa LACK of cleavage a million times, it also hit hard when it made a big deal of him scowling at the ribbon she gave him. That scene was directed and shot in such a way as to show how he is digusted that he had a WOMAN'S ribbon around his arm - he not only wore a coat over it, he scowls over it when he DOES see it. But we already knew his sexuality! We spent a whole game getting to know it!
Simply put, the movie wasted time showing us how disgusted he is with women. This is not only a waste of time and money, it is also an insult to gay men. Gay men do not neccessarily ABHOR women. They can be friends with them and even love them in a platonic manner. FF AD is showing us an incredibly narrow-minded, stereotypical potrayal of homosexual males that seems to stem from a great deal of SquallxSeifer or SephirothxCloud fiction that depicts Tifa as an incompetent hussy, deserving all the horrible male-sex-in-you-face-bitch! treatment she gets.
The movie, with its budget and its reach, had the opportunity to show us good, wholesome, yaoi. It did. But female-bashing should not have taken place. I am a yaoi fangirl, but it still doesn't mean it's ok to demean women to make gay men look better.
I'm not asking that the movie have a heterosexual Cloud, because that wouldn't be Cloud. I'm asking that the movie recognise its non-fangirl audience and give them a little gift for their time and effort. (The FF movie is should not be a vehicle to support the current pro-homosexuality slant of some fangrils these days, but honestly, it looks like one. I've read pages that claim that anyone who doesn't wave a "yaoi for life!" banner is worthy of death. I don't agree with this point of view, or the argument that states how homosexuals are such poor things. But FF AD seems to show both these things - Aerith is 'good' and 'holy' because she obviously supports Cloud's homosexuality, while Tifa who likes him is pays the price in cleavage (or lack thereof); and Cloud cannot do anything without a handsome, leather-clad male pushing him in that direction. Is this good? Is this right?)
Since obviously they can't cut Tifa out - the movie is smart enough to know that yaoi fangirls get a thrill from pairing the boys, not having them pre-paired - make her attractive. TO MEN. That means the big boobs, red eyes, and semi-open shirt she used to have. The same features that a million hentai doujinshi authors can make look good. Those features could sell porn, hence doing a service for the economy that is in its own small way equal to what the fangirls do to pay your moviemaking bills. Have some heart, please?
And think about it - all those "I can't get it up with Tifa but I want it in ME" scenes could have been put to better use. They could have shown us what Vincent did that got Cloud so sore and so pissed at Mari for butting in. I would have LOVED more thrusting from the Masamune, this time without Sephiroth conviently hitting the wrong places due to censorship laws. Zack's final hand-guesture to Cloud could have been more pronounced and more meaningful. AND IT WAS WASTED.
To clearify - either give Tifa big boobs and make the men happy, or cut her out because gay men don't need girls.
Because in the world of FF, the Bible DID actually read "adam and steve".
******
This was written by a BIG SephxCloud fangirl. But my only explanation for why I feel the way I do is that I think Seph is the uke in bed and the seme in life, a view which I THINK goes against the norm. Maybe I'm wrong.
So.... was it a gag article?
Well, yes, I watched Advent Children.
And, yes, I'm as much for homosexuality as the next yaoi fangirl.
And I appreciated the euphemistic "All fans of FF VII" in the credits because no sense spreading to the world who we are, right?
BUT WHERE ARE MY MILLION-DOLLAR BOUNCING BOOBS???
I mean, it is completely unfair. Yes, I, me, and my libido loved the slant of the movie. But please, as much as I understand marketing, and how yaoi fangirls buy the merchandise and pay those exhorbitant CG bills, Squaresoft, guys still watch your movie.
And as moviemakers, you have a responsibilty to the -gasp- male or non-fangirl population of your audience.
And, frankly, I am insulted to see that this responsibilty was not only not dealt with, it was made fun of.
We know that Cloud's ass is worth a Nokia cellphone. (And that he's the resident gay slut of this particular game.) He looks wonderfully sore after his 'encounter' with Vincent, he pisses off young girls but heroically saves young boys, and lets not forget the old standby of sword imagery between him and Sephiroth.
So there was really no need for his - and the movie's - treatment of Tifa. Yes, the "oh-fuck-she-has-boobs" look on his face was funny the first time, but the joke was a crass one, at best. And it got seriously off when the movie not only emphasised Tifa LACK of cleavage a million times, it also hit hard when it made a big deal of him scowling at the ribbon she gave him. That scene was directed and shot in such a way as to show how he is digusted that he had a WOMAN'S ribbon around his arm - he not only wore a coat over it, he scowls over it when he DOES see it. But we already knew his sexuality! We spent a whole game getting to know it!
Simply put, the movie wasted time showing us how disgusted he is with women. This is not only a waste of time and money, it is also an insult to gay men. Gay men do not neccessarily ABHOR women. They can be friends with them and even love them in a platonic manner. FF AD is showing us an incredibly narrow-minded, stereotypical potrayal of homosexual males that seems to stem from a great deal of SquallxSeifer or SephirothxCloud fiction that depicts Tifa as an incompetent hussy, deserving all the horrible male-sex-in-you-face-bitch! treatment she gets.
The movie, with its budget and its reach, had the opportunity to show us good, wholesome, yaoi. It did. But female-bashing should not have taken place. I am a yaoi fangirl, but it still doesn't mean it's ok to demean women to make gay men look better.
I'm not asking that the movie have a heterosexual Cloud, because that wouldn't be Cloud. I'm asking that the movie recognise its non-fangirl audience and give them a little gift for their time and effort. (The FF movie is should not be a vehicle to support the current pro-homosexuality slant of some fangrils these days, but honestly, it looks like one. I've read pages that claim that anyone who doesn't wave a "yaoi for life!" banner is worthy of death. I don't agree with this point of view, or the argument that states how homosexuals are such poor things. But FF AD seems to show both these things - Aerith is 'good' and 'holy' because she obviously supports Cloud's homosexuality, while Tifa who likes him is pays the price in cleavage (or lack thereof); and Cloud cannot do anything without a handsome, leather-clad male pushing him in that direction. Is this good? Is this right?)
Since obviously they can't cut Tifa out - the movie is smart enough to know that yaoi fangirls get a thrill from pairing the boys, not having them pre-paired - make her attractive. TO MEN. That means the big boobs, red eyes, and semi-open shirt she used to have. The same features that a million hentai doujinshi authors can make look good. Those features could sell porn, hence doing a service for the economy that is in its own small way equal to what the fangirls do to pay your moviemaking bills. Have some heart, please?
And think about it - all those "I can't get it up with Tifa but I want it in ME" scenes could have been put to better use. They could have shown us what Vincent did that got Cloud so sore and so pissed at Mari for butting in. I would have LOVED more thrusting from the Masamune, this time without Sephiroth conviently hitting the wrong places due to censorship laws. Zack's final hand-guesture to Cloud could have been more pronounced and more meaningful. AND IT WAS WASTED.
To clearify - either give Tifa big boobs and make the men happy, or cut her out because gay men don't need girls.
Because in the world of FF, the Bible DID actually read "adam and steve".
******
This was written by a BIG SephxCloud fangirl. But my only explanation for why I feel the way I do is that I think Seph is the uke in bed and the seme in life, a view which I THINK goes against the norm. Maybe I'm wrong.
So.... was it a gag article?