Chapter 18...Finally!
Yes, it's taken a while to get this up here, but it's long, so I hope you enjoy.
Title: The Lost King
Author: Katan
Pairing: Peter/Caspian, C/P, slight Caspian/Susan
Genre: Romance/Angst/Humor(?)
Rating: PG-13 for this chapter for language and sexual implications
Word Count: 3,298
Summary: Ever since his return from Narnia, Peter has been getting into fights and feels lost in life. He wants to return to Narnia, but mostly, he wants to see the prince he fought alongside.
Chapter 18-Hyde Park
I can’t believe this. I can’t believe I actually went to school after what happened yesterday.
Peter was sitting in the back of his calculus class, looking bored and tired. He didn’t want to be here, but he was. Edmund saw to that. Peter had planned to skip school, but Edmund made sure that Peter was just as ready as he was to face another day of rigorous courses that hurt his brain when he could barely think. After returning from Narnia for the second time, Peter’s grades had dropped because of his constant fantasies and his lack of paying closer attention. He never wrote his mother on his progress in school, only that they were okay and that school was fine. She didn’t seem to be suspicious of the lack of detail either which Peter was grateful for.
Still. Peter held his face in his hands as he tried to think. He had to leave. There was no way he could take another minute of this. Caspian was still at home, alone. He was still asleep when Edmund had dragged Peter out of bed. Git, Peter thought when Edmund crossed his mind.
Twenty-seven minutes later, the bell rang which signaled the end of class.
“Finally!” Peter announced as the other boys started gathering up their books. He moved quickly toward the doorway, but barely made it out of the hall when he ran into Edmund.
“Whoa, Pete,” Edmund said, steadying him a bit. “What’s the rush?”
Peter couldn’t tell Edmund the truth, so he just muttered, “men’s room” and ran off toward the nearest convenient location. Edmund didn’t stop him which he was grateful for. Once the crowd seemed to disperse, Peter crept toward one of the side entrances he knew of and opened the door, exposing himself to the rest of the city. Making it seem like he didn’t just sneak out of school, Peter took his jacket off and rolled it up inside his bag.
Making his way down the grounds and out of the school, Peter was free from the facility and caught the first bus that he found. He had to get home. If anyone questioned him, he would say simply that he was sick or that he went to a different school. There was hardly anyone on the bus though and those that were on it didn’t seem to care enough to interrogate Peter. The eldest Pevensie still couldn’t believe that he had just snuck out of school. It seemed rather easy to do and yet, was a bit paranoid as to whether or not someone saw him. He would have to face Edmund about it later. He tried not to think about that now though. He wanted to see Caspian.
When Peter reached his stop, he clambered off the bus clumsily and ran to the steps to the house. Unlocking the door, his first words were, “Caspian?”
He shut the door behind him as he dropped his bag in front of the staircase. He climbed the stairs two at a time and rushed into his room. Caspian wasn’t there. Peter slowed down a bit as he called for him again softly. He heard a slight mumbling noise coming from the girls’ room. Instead of barging in, he knocked softly on their door.
“Come in.” Lucy’s voice rang out.
But Peter was hesitant on coming in. If Lucy found out that Peter was home, what would she think? She couldn’t know he was here. Turning away from the door, he checked the W.C. No Caspian. Where did he run off to?
Peter ran downstairs as he checked the back rooms and the library. No Caspian. Then, he went into the kitchen where he saw the prince sitting at the table eating what looked like porridge.
“Ah, good morning, Peter.” Caspian greeted him.
Peter couldn’t help but ask. “Where did you get the porridge?”
“Oh, I asked Lucy if she wanted anything to eat and she wrote down ‘porridge’, so with her helpful instructions (and twelve trips upstairs to make certain that’s what she meant), I made her and me some breakfast. Would you like some?”
Peter stood there gaping at him for a moment before finally registering that Caspian had asked him a question. “Er…no, that’s fine. I’ve already eaten.”
He then sat down in the chair opposite Caspian and watched him intently as the prince ate his porridge, wondering when Caspian would figure out that it was too early for Peter to be back home.
It took all of two minutes. Caspian knitted his eyebrows together as he asked, “Peter, didn’t you have school today?”
“Yes.” Peter answered.
Caspian’s eyes grew large as he dropped his spoon. “You didn’t skip, did you?”
Peter felt himself blushing and said, “Technically, I went, but I snuck out after my first class.”
“Why?” Caspian asked.
Why? Why else? Peter wondered why Caspian would even ask that question. “Because I told you today I was going to take you to Hyde Park. Didn’t I promise you that?”
“You never promised it, you merely suggested it. Peter, you’ll get in trouble. I can’t let you get in trouble on my behalf.”
“Caspian, relax. Nothing’s going to happen. We’ll be fine.” Peter said, though he wasn’t completely sure. Edmund would definitely be on his case about it later, but that was just something he expected from his younger brother.
As soon as Caspian was done eating, Peter helped him clean the dishes and like before, gave a kiss in between washing and drying. Peter grabbed a few coats for him and Caspian to wear and a few hats. Disguises were always good when you weren’t supposed to be seen in Hyde Park. Peter actually decided that Caspian should have a girl’s coat on, just so people wouldn’t get the wrong idea, even though they would. Caspian didn’t seem to object because he knew that society wouldn’t approve of them together and they needed to be inconspicuous.
Peter made a pot of chicken noodle soup and asked Caspian to bring it upstairs to Lucy along with a glass of water. As soon as Caspian did that, they were ready.
“So, how far is this Hyde Park?” Caspian asked once they were on the Underground.
Peter glanced about nervously as he whispered to Caspian, “it’s nine stops from now. I don’t think we should converse with all these people around though. Your voice is too obvious not to be female.”
Peter guessed Caspian forgot he was wearing a woman’s coat and hid his face as he leaned against Peter’s shoulder. An older couple that was sitting across from them looked at Peter rather curiously. Peter smiled at them politely and wished they would stop staring at the two of them. Maybe I should have dressed Caspian up normally and just told him to keep his distance. It was a lot better than pretending that he was a girl. But they were already on the train so Peter had no alternative but to pretend that Caspian was a girl.
The old couple left four stops later and soon, the only people who were left on the train were Peter, Caspian, a woman, a young girl, and a business looking-fellow. Peter didn’t risk talking to Caspian though for fear that people would suspect something. He wanted to. He wanted desperately to talk to him, to assure him that everything was fine, that they would be fine, that once they got off at their stop, they could walk around Hyde Park by themselves and not care about whether people saw them holding hands or not.
Finally, they reached the stop. Peter took Caspian’s hand as he led him out of the train and up the stairs where they came out to find Hyde Park.
“Amazing.” Caspian said under his breath.
Peter smiled at the prince’s expression and motioned for them to go further into the park. Once Peter was certain that they were alone, he sat down on a bench that was off the general path and took Caspian’s hands. As the blond looked up at the dark-haired man, he met the prince’s beautiful chocolate brown eyes.
“See, wasn’t this a good idea?” He said, supporting his absence from school.
Caspian smiled, “I suppose it is. This place is beautiful.”
“It looks nicer when it’s spring. In the fall, it just looks dank and musty.” Peter commented.
“No, I like it now.” Caspian insisted, “The leaves are changing colors and everything is different. It’s nice.”
Peter had no retort to this. He had to admit that it was nice with the leaves turning different colors, but that wasn’t what he was thinking about when Caspian said that it was different. He knew that there was more to this picture that was different than just the leaves. Caspian and Peter loved each other. That was something that wasn’t only frowned down upon but it was also different. Peter wasn’t expecting that his first love would turn out to be the prince. He never once considered romantic feelings for him while he knew him for that short time period, but it was after he left that he realized things weren’t the same. Things were different and now that Caspian was here, things seemed perfect but they were still different.
They sat in silence for a while just regarding everything around him. There were some passersby, but they didn’t seem to bother either of them, which Peter was exceptionally glad for.
Then, Caspian spoke up, “Uh…Peter?”
Peter’s hair stood up at Caspian’s tone. He sounded concerned or worried about something. “What?”
Caspian didn’t speak right away, but as he leaned in closer to Peter, the Pevensie knew that it had to be about them. The prince then whispered, “When you said before that I was your boyfriend, did you mean that?”
Of course I did! Peter calmed down slightly as he confirmed, “yes, I did, Caspian.”
“Then what happens to us… when I go back?”
Dammit, Caspian! Peter cursed in his head. We were having a perfectly fine moment and then you have to bring that up again.
Peter set his hands on Caspian’s shoulders as he answered with a straight face, “Let’s talk about that later, okay?”
“But Peter-”
“I said later.” Peter said more harshly.
“But what happens? I can’t imagine you haven’t thought about it before.”
“Look,” Peter said, trying to get a hold of the situation, “I have thought about it. But I feel this isn’t the right place to discuss something like that, so why don’t we just forget about it for the time being and just try to make the best out of the time we have.”
Caspian stared at him for a moment and then turned away from him. Peter suddenly became frazzled.
“What’s wrong now?” He asked, sounding harder than he intended.
“Peter, how do you feel about this?” Caspian asked.
“How do I feel about what?”
“Us.” Caspian practically whispered the word.
Peter had a hard time responding, probably because he never thought he would have this type of conversation, in Hyde Park of all places. After a moment, he came over toward Caspian and kissed his ear softly. As he broke the kiss, he whispered, “That’s how I feel about us.”
Caspian turned to him with a nervous glance as he said, “So, you’re committed then.”
“Yes, Caspian.”
“So, you’re saying that even though I’ll be in Narnia and you’ll be here and I’ll probably never ever get to see you again, you’ll still love me?”
Peter swallowed. He didn’t like thinking about Caspian leaving. He would prevent it from happening if he could, but he knew that Caspian had to go back. After all, Narnia was his country to run now. He couldn’t just abandon his country to be with the past High King of Narnia.
Peter finally sighed and smacked his lips to Caspian’s, making the prince shudder slightly. Peter’s eyes flipped open and saw that Caspian’s face had grown red. He halted the kiss and drew back, concerned now.
“What is it?” Peter asked.
Caspian hesitated until he finally admitted, “I’m not so certain we can continue this, Peter.”
What? Peter was shocked at what Caspian was saying. Are you serious? It’s been what, a day since we’ve admitted our feelings for each other and already you’re going to break up with me?
“Tell me, Caspian,” Peter said, trying to keep himself composed as much as he could, grabbing Caspian’s shoulders for support, “let me know what I can do. It’ll be hard for me, because, well…dammit, Caspian, I can’t stop now! As long as we’re together, that’s all that matters. You like me the same way, don’t you?”
“Well, yes, I do, but-”
“Then, what’s the problem?” Peter asked. He hadn’t realized the volume of his voice until he glanced about and saw a couple staring at the two of them. He smiled at them politely as they gave him disapproving and odd looks as they walked on by. Embarrassed, Peter turned back to Caspian as he murmured, “Look, Caspian, you admitted your feelings to me as well. So don’t tell me that you’re not just as scared as I am. Don’t say you don’t want to be with me when all that stands in your way are circumstances that come later when Lucy feels better. Because that’s not the Caspian I know and love. That’s a coward. You are not a coward, Caspian. You are my friend, more than that, you are my lover and I will not tolerate this pain that you feel because of me. Because, believe it or not, I feel it too. I feel it every time I go to bed or go to school, the feeling that you may be gone when I return and that I’ll never see you again. So please, please don’t…”
At this point, Peter’s words were lost as tears started to run down his cheeks. He didn't want to cry in front of Caspian. It wasn’t kingly to do so, but he couldn’t help it. He was admitting what had been hurting inside of him to the prince and it was only a matter of time before what he feared would happen. He wasn’t ready. He was just as afraid to lose him, to no longer see him, to no longer kiss him. It was difficult. He knew now why Caspian had brought this up. If they had to leave on such a heartbroken note, there’d be no way that either one would survive. What would happen once that day would eventually come?
Caspian held his lover in his arms as he caressed and smoothed Peter’s hair as he wept in his shoulder. Peter was glad that Caspian was still here, even if their time was very limited.
“Er…” Peter said, looking around as he noticed more and more people coming along the path. Caspian broke his grasp around Peter, as he must have seen them too. Peter then tilted his head to the side, indicating for Caspian to follow him. Peter led the prince around the back of the bench where they found a small secluded area where if they crouched down, no one could see them, even if they were looking from the bench.
Caspian, slightly confused as to why Peter led him back here asked, “Peter, what are we doing?”
Peter simply looked at him as he whispered, “Concealing ourselves.”
Caspian crinkled his brow together, not comprehending fully.
Peter then explained as he removed the heavy coat from Caspian’s shoulders. “We’re spending time together.” He then placed his hand over Caspian’s as he brought their hands up to Peter’s own shirt. The eldest Pevensie shrugged off his coat as he helped Caspian unbutton his own school shirt.
“Wait,” Caspian said, trying to dislodge his hand from Peter’s grip.
“What?”
It was clear to Peter that Caspian didn’t know what to say. The prince finally said, “I…I don’t know, Peter. It doesn’t seem right.”
“Nothing we’re doing seems right.” Peter said.
“But this…this really, really doesn’t feel right.” Caspian said, scooting back away from Peter.
Peter bit his lip as he thought about it. He then sighed as he said, “I understand, Caspian. I’m scared too.”
“They why-?”
“Because…” Peter didn’t really know. He didn’t have an explanation for the act he was about to commit. He had no reason to do this. He really didn’t know why he wanted to do it in the first place, but it just seemed…
“If it could be anyone, I’d want it to be you, Caspian.” Peter admitted.
Caspian still kept his distance as he glanced at the dewy grass. They were silent for a moment and finally, Caspian said, “but…can’t we take it slow, like most would?”
“If that’s what you want. I’m not forcing you.” At these words though, Peter started crawling toward Caspian. The prince stared at him as if he was a dangerous animal, but Peter came to him slowly, deliberately. When he reached the prince, he licked the Telmarine’s ear and whispered, “I’m not going to force you, Caspian.”
Peter saw Caspian close his eyes tightly as if he was trying to resist the charm that Peter was putting on intentionally. Then, Peter got tired of being seductively luring as he just pounced on top of Caspian.
“Ah, Peter! You promised!” Caspian cried.
“Shh!” Peter said, putting a finger over his mouth. “We’re still in a park you know. And I never promised you anything. I just said I wouldn’t force you. Am I?”
Caspian didn’t respond.
“I didn’t think so.” Peter said as he leaned forward to kiss Caspian. The prince was frozen to the ground though. Peter sighed as he grabbed the prince’s face and pressed it against his own. Caspian responded lightly, but stopped kissing in moments.
“Caspian…are you really that nervous?”
Caspian laughed nervously. “Aren’t you?”
Peter considered for a moment as he nodded. “Yes, but I’m sure that it’ll be worth it in the end.”
“I’m sure Aslan would love to see me return to Narnia as a man who lost his virginity.” Caspian said.
Peter rolled his eyes and said, “Aslan wouldn’t have sent you here if he knew that you wouldn’t get in trouble.”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re only human. Aslan expects that of us. We all make mistakes.”
“But, this is more intentional. Aslan will know for sure.” Caspian said.
“Certainly.” Peter told him, smiling wickedly as he positioned his legs on either side of Caspian’s abdomen. “Shall we continue?”
Caspian stared at him. “Peter, you are unbelievable.”
“Don’t think I haven’t heard that before.” Peter responded, still smirking.
This time, Caspian couldn’t help but laugh and murmured, “So, you’re wiling to sin to love me?”
“Loving you is already a sin.” Peter said.
“Only to everyone else.” Caspian pointed out.
“That is true.” Peter said. “Would you mind if I unbuttoned your shirt?”
Caspian smiled as he said, “Be my guest.”
Peter leaned down to unbutton the prince’s shirt as he kissed him softly on the neck. He was glad that Caspian had stopped talking nonsense about them breaking up. It was stupid because they both needed each other. They couldn’t live without one another, at least not since they found out that they loved each other. Slipping off his pants, Peter wondered if he would ever walk into Hyde Park the same way again, thinking that he would feel guilty each time he passed by that very bench. He didn’t even want to consider the millions of people who would walk by that very bench and hear an earsplitting noise. He just hoped that Caspian wouldn’t scream too loud.
A/N: Phew! Wow, that took a while to get up, but I did it in the end. Initially, I didn't elaborate at all on the last scene. It was only a single paragraph and then it turned into all that! I hope it's ok. I don't like getting very graphic in my writing and I need to keep this fic under the R-rating...just because I never intended to go this far. Seriously, I just thought they would have a fuzzy, warm relationship, but then Peter took control over the story and started plotting things that weren't originally there!
Anyhow, I hope you're still with me even though it took some time to get out. It should be worth it in the end (whenever that comes), ^^;
Previous Chapters
Title: The Lost King
Author: Katan
Pairing: Peter/Caspian, C/P, slight Caspian/Susan
Genre: Romance/Angst/Humor(?)
Rating: PG-13 for this chapter for language and sexual implications
Word Count: 3,298
Summary: Ever since his return from Narnia, Peter has been getting into fights and feels lost in life. He wants to return to Narnia, but mostly, he wants to see the prince he fought alongside.
Chapter 18-Hyde Park
I can’t believe this. I can’t believe I actually went to school after what happened yesterday.
Peter was sitting in the back of his calculus class, looking bored and tired. He didn’t want to be here, but he was. Edmund saw to that. Peter had planned to skip school, but Edmund made sure that Peter was just as ready as he was to face another day of rigorous courses that hurt his brain when he could barely think. After returning from Narnia for the second time, Peter’s grades had dropped because of his constant fantasies and his lack of paying closer attention. He never wrote his mother on his progress in school, only that they were okay and that school was fine. She didn’t seem to be suspicious of the lack of detail either which Peter was grateful for.
Still. Peter held his face in his hands as he tried to think. He had to leave. There was no way he could take another minute of this. Caspian was still at home, alone. He was still asleep when Edmund had dragged Peter out of bed. Git, Peter thought when Edmund crossed his mind.
Twenty-seven minutes later, the bell rang which signaled the end of class.
“Finally!” Peter announced as the other boys started gathering up their books. He moved quickly toward the doorway, but barely made it out of the hall when he ran into Edmund.
“Whoa, Pete,” Edmund said, steadying him a bit. “What’s the rush?”
Peter couldn’t tell Edmund the truth, so he just muttered, “men’s room” and ran off toward the nearest convenient location. Edmund didn’t stop him which he was grateful for. Once the crowd seemed to disperse, Peter crept toward one of the side entrances he knew of and opened the door, exposing himself to the rest of the city. Making it seem like he didn’t just sneak out of school, Peter took his jacket off and rolled it up inside his bag.
Making his way down the grounds and out of the school, Peter was free from the facility and caught the first bus that he found. He had to get home. If anyone questioned him, he would say simply that he was sick or that he went to a different school. There was hardly anyone on the bus though and those that were on it didn’t seem to care enough to interrogate Peter. The eldest Pevensie still couldn’t believe that he had just snuck out of school. It seemed rather easy to do and yet, was a bit paranoid as to whether or not someone saw him. He would have to face Edmund about it later. He tried not to think about that now though. He wanted to see Caspian.
When Peter reached his stop, he clambered off the bus clumsily and ran to the steps to the house. Unlocking the door, his first words were, “Caspian?”
He shut the door behind him as he dropped his bag in front of the staircase. He climbed the stairs two at a time and rushed into his room. Caspian wasn’t there. Peter slowed down a bit as he called for him again softly. He heard a slight mumbling noise coming from the girls’ room. Instead of barging in, he knocked softly on their door.
“Come in.” Lucy’s voice rang out.
But Peter was hesitant on coming in. If Lucy found out that Peter was home, what would she think? She couldn’t know he was here. Turning away from the door, he checked the W.C. No Caspian. Where did he run off to?
Peter ran downstairs as he checked the back rooms and the library. No Caspian. Then, he went into the kitchen where he saw the prince sitting at the table eating what looked like porridge.
“Ah, good morning, Peter.” Caspian greeted him.
Peter couldn’t help but ask. “Where did you get the porridge?”
“Oh, I asked Lucy if she wanted anything to eat and she wrote down ‘porridge’, so with her helpful instructions (and twelve trips upstairs to make certain that’s what she meant), I made her and me some breakfast. Would you like some?”
Peter stood there gaping at him for a moment before finally registering that Caspian had asked him a question. “Er…no, that’s fine. I’ve already eaten.”
He then sat down in the chair opposite Caspian and watched him intently as the prince ate his porridge, wondering when Caspian would figure out that it was too early for Peter to be back home.
It took all of two minutes. Caspian knitted his eyebrows together as he asked, “Peter, didn’t you have school today?”
“Yes.” Peter answered.
Caspian’s eyes grew large as he dropped his spoon. “You didn’t skip, did you?”
Peter felt himself blushing and said, “Technically, I went, but I snuck out after my first class.”
“Why?” Caspian asked.
Why? Why else? Peter wondered why Caspian would even ask that question. “Because I told you today I was going to take you to Hyde Park. Didn’t I promise you that?”
“You never promised it, you merely suggested it. Peter, you’ll get in trouble. I can’t let you get in trouble on my behalf.”
“Caspian, relax. Nothing’s going to happen. We’ll be fine.” Peter said, though he wasn’t completely sure. Edmund would definitely be on his case about it later, but that was just something he expected from his younger brother.
As soon as Caspian was done eating, Peter helped him clean the dishes and like before, gave a kiss in between washing and drying. Peter grabbed a few coats for him and Caspian to wear and a few hats. Disguises were always good when you weren’t supposed to be seen in Hyde Park. Peter actually decided that Caspian should have a girl’s coat on, just so people wouldn’t get the wrong idea, even though they would. Caspian didn’t seem to object because he knew that society wouldn’t approve of them together and they needed to be inconspicuous.
Peter made a pot of chicken noodle soup and asked Caspian to bring it upstairs to Lucy along with a glass of water. As soon as Caspian did that, they were ready.
“So, how far is this Hyde Park?” Caspian asked once they were on the Underground.
Peter glanced about nervously as he whispered to Caspian, “it’s nine stops from now. I don’t think we should converse with all these people around though. Your voice is too obvious not to be female.”
Peter guessed Caspian forgot he was wearing a woman’s coat and hid his face as he leaned against Peter’s shoulder. An older couple that was sitting across from them looked at Peter rather curiously. Peter smiled at them politely and wished they would stop staring at the two of them. Maybe I should have dressed Caspian up normally and just told him to keep his distance. It was a lot better than pretending that he was a girl. But they were already on the train so Peter had no alternative but to pretend that Caspian was a girl.
The old couple left four stops later and soon, the only people who were left on the train were Peter, Caspian, a woman, a young girl, and a business looking-fellow. Peter didn’t risk talking to Caspian though for fear that people would suspect something. He wanted to. He wanted desperately to talk to him, to assure him that everything was fine, that they would be fine, that once they got off at their stop, they could walk around Hyde Park by themselves and not care about whether people saw them holding hands or not.
Finally, they reached the stop. Peter took Caspian’s hand as he led him out of the train and up the stairs where they came out to find Hyde Park.
“Amazing.” Caspian said under his breath.
Peter smiled at the prince’s expression and motioned for them to go further into the park. Once Peter was certain that they were alone, he sat down on a bench that was off the general path and took Caspian’s hands. As the blond looked up at the dark-haired man, he met the prince’s beautiful chocolate brown eyes.
“See, wasn’t this a good idea?” He said, supporting his absence from school.
Caspian smiled, “I suppose it is. This place is beautiful.”
“It looks nicer when it’s spring. In the fall, it just looks dank and musty.” Peter commented.
“No, I like it now.” Caspian insisted, “The leaves are changing colors and everything is different. It’s nice.”
Peter had no retort to this. He had to admit that it was nice with the leaves turning different colors, but that wasn’t what he was thinking about when Caspian said that it was different. He knew that there was more to this picture that was different than just the leaves. Caspian and Peter loved each other. That was something that wasn’t only frowned down upon but it was also different. Peter wasn’t expecting that his first love would turn out to be the prince. He never once considered romantic feelings for him while he knew him for that short time period, but it was after he left that he realized things weren’t the same. Things were different and now that Caspian was here, things seemed perfect but they were still different.
They sat in silence for a while just regarding everything around him. There were some passersby, but they didn’t seem to bother either of them, which Peter was exceptionally glad for.
Then, Caspian spoke up, “Uh…Peter?”
Peter’s hair stood up at Caspian’s tone. He sounded concerned or worried about something. “What?”
Caspian didn’t speak right away, but as he leaned in closer to Peter, the Pevensie knew that it had to be about them. The prince then whispered, “When you said before that I was your boyfriend, did you mean that?”
Of course I did! Peter calmed down slightly as he confirmed, “yes, I did, Caspian.”
“Then what happens to us… when I go back?”
Dammit, Caspian! Peter cursed in his head. We were having a perfectly fine moment and then you have to bring that up again.
Peter set his hands on Caspian’s shoulders as he answered with a straight face, “Let’s talk about that later, okay?”
“But Peter-”
“I said later.” Peter said more harshly.
“But what happens? I can’t imagine you haven’t thought about it before.”
“Look,” Peter said, trying to get a hold of the situation, “I have thought about it. But I feel this isn’t the right place to discuss something like that, so why don’t we just forget about it for the time being and just try to make the best out of the time we have.”
Caspian stared at him for a moment and then turned away from him. Peter suddenly became frazzled.
“What’s wrong now?” He asked, sounding harder than he intended.
“Peter, how do you feel about this?” Caspian asked.
“How do I feel about what?”
“Us.” Caspian practically whispered the word.
Peter had a hard time responding, probably because he never thought he would have this type of conversation, in Hyde Park of all places. After a moment, he came over toward Caspian and kissed his ear softly. As he broke the kiss, he whispered, “That’s how I feel about us.”
Caspian turned to him with a nervous glance as he said, “So, you’re committed then.”
“Yes, Caspian.”
“So, you’re saying that even though I’ll be in Narnia and you’ll be here and I’ll probably never ever get to see you again, you’ll still love me?”
Peter swallowed. He didn’t like thinking about Caspian leaving. He would prevent it from happening if he could, but he knew that Caspian had to go back. After all, Narnia was his country to run now. He couldn’t just abandon his country to be with the past High King of Narnia.
Peter finally sighed and smacked his lips to Caspian’s, making the prince shudder slightly. Peter’s eyes flipped open and saw that Caspian’s face had grown red. He halted the kiss and drew back, concerned now.
“What is it?” Peter asked.
Caspian hesitated until he finally admitted, “I’m not so certain we can continue this, Peter.”
What? Peter was shocked at what Caspian was saying. Are you serious? It’s been what, a day since we’ve admitted our feelings for each other and already you’re going to break up with me?
“Tell me, Caspian,” Peter said, trying to keep himself composed as much as he could, grabbing Caspian’s shoulders for support, “let me know what I can do. It’ll be hard for me, because, well…dammit, Caspian, I can’t stop now! As long as we’re together, that’s all that matters. You like me the same way, don’t you?”
“Well, yes, I do, but-”
“Then, what’s the problem?” Peter asked. He hadn’t realized the volume of his voice until he glanced about and saw a couple staring at the two of them. He smiled at them politely as they gave him disapproving and odd looks as they walked on by. Embarrassed, Peter turned back to Caspian as he murmured, “Look, Caspian, you admitted your feelings to me as well. So don’t tell me that you’re not just as scared as I am. Don’t say you don’t want to be with me when all that stands in your way are circumstances that come later when Lucy feels better. Because that’s not the Caspian I know and love. That’s a coward. You are not a coward, Caspian. You are my friend, more than that, you are my lover and I will not tolerate this pain that you feel because of me. Because, believe it or not, I feel it too. I feel it every time I go to bed or go to school, the feeling that you may be gone when I return and that I’ll never see you again. So please, please don’t…”
At this point, Peter’s words were lost as tears started to run down his cheeks. He didn't want to cry in front of Caspian. It wasn’t kingly to do so, but he couldn’t help it. He was admitting what had been hurting inside of him to the prince and it was only a matter of time before what he feared would happen. He wasn’t ready. He was just as afraid to lose him, to no longer see him, to no longer kiss him. It was difficult. He knew now why Caspian had brought this up. If they had to leave on such a heartbroken note, there’d be no way that either one would survive. What would happen once that day would eventually come?
Caspian held his lover in his arms as he caressed and smoothed Peter’s hair as he wept in his shoulder. Peter was glad that Caspian was still here, even if their time was very limited.
“Er…” Peter said, looking around as he noticed more and more people coming along the path. Caspian broke his grasp around Peter, as he must have seen them too. Peter then tilted his head to the side, indicating for Caspian to follow him. Peter led the prince around the back of the bench where they found a small secluded area where if they crouched down, no one could see them, even if they were looking from the bench.
Caspian, slightly confused as to why Peter led him back here asked, “Peter, what are we doing?”
Peter simply looked at him as he whispered, “Concealing ourselves.”
Caspian crinkled his brow together, not comprehending fully.
Peter then explained as he removed the heavy coat from Caspian’s shoulders. “We’re spending time together.” He then placed his hand over Caspian’s as he brought their hands up to Peter’s own shirt. The eldest Pevensie shrugged off his coat as he helped Caspian unbutton his own school shirt.
“Wait,” Caspian said, trying to dislodge his hand from Peter’s grip.
“What?”
It was clear to Peter that Caspian didn’t know what to say. The prince finally said, “I…I don’t know, Peter. It doesn’t seem right.”
“Nothing we’re doing seems right.” Peter said.
“But this…this really, really doesn’t feel right.” Caspian said, scooting back away from Peter.
Peter bit his lip as he thought about it. He then sighed as he said, “I understand, Caspian. I’m scared too.”
“They why-?”
“Because…” Peter didn’t really know. He didn’t have an explanation for the act he was about to commit. He had no reason to do this. He really didn’t know why he wanted to do it in the first place, but it just seemed…
“If it could be anyone, I’d want it to be you, Caspian.” Peter admitted.
Caspian still kept his distance as he glanced at the dewy grass. They were silent for a moment and finally, Caspian said, “but…can’t we take it slow, like most would?”
“If that’s what you want. I’m not forcing you.” At these words though, Peter started crawling toward Caspian. The prince stared at him as if he was a dangerous animal, but Peter came to him slowly, deliberately. When he reached the prince, he licked the Telmarine’s ear and whispered, “I’m not going to force you, Caspian.”
Peter saw Caspian close his eyes tightly as if he was trying to resist the charm that Peter was putting on intentionally. Then, Peter got tired of being seductively luring as he just pounced on top of Caspian.
“Ah, Peter! You promised!” Caspian cried.
“Shh!” Peter said, putting a finger over his mouth. “We’re still in a park you know. And I never promised you anything. I just said I wouldn’t force you. Am I?”
Caspian didn’t respond.
“I didn’t think so.” Peter said as he leaned forward to kiss Caspian. The prince was frozen to the ground though. Peter sighed as he grabbed the prince’s face and pressed it against his own. Caspian responded lightly, but stopped kissing in moments.
“Caspian…are you really that nervous?”
Caspian laughed nervously. “Aren’t you?”
Peter considered for a moment as he nodded. “Yes, but I’m sure that it’ll be worth it in the end.”
“I’m sure Aslan would love to see me return to Narnia as a man who lost his virginity.” Caspian said.
Peter rolled his eyes and said, “Aslan wouldn’t have sent you here if he knew that you wouldn’t get in trouble.”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re only human. Aslan expects that of us. We all make mistakes.”
“But, this is more intentional. Aslan will know for sure.” Caspian said.
“Certainly.” Peter told him, smiling wickedly as he positioned his legs on either side of Caspian’s abdomen. “Shall we continue?”
Caspian stared at him. “Peter, you are unbelievable.”
“Don’t think I haven’t heard that before.” Peter responded, still smirking.
This time, Caspian couldn’t help but laugh and murmured, “So, you’re wiling to sin to love me?”
“Loving you is already a sin.” Peter said.
“Only to everyone else.” Caspian pointed out.
“That is true.” Peter said. “Would you mind if I unbuttoned your shirt?”
Caspian smiled as he said, “Be my guest.”
Peter leaned down to unbutton the prince’s shirt as he kissed him softly on the neck. He was glad that Caspian had stopped talking nonsense about them breaking up. It was stupid because they both needed each other. They couldn’t live without one another, at least not since they found out that they loved each other. Slipping off his pants, Peter wondered if he would ever walk into Hyde Park the same way again, thinking that he would feel guilty each time he passed by that very bench. He didn’t even want to consider the millions of people who would walk by that very bench and hear an earsplitting noise. He just hoped that Caspian wouldn’t scream too loud.
A/N: Phew! Wow, that took a while to get up, but I did it in the end. Initially, I didn't elaborate at all on the last scene. It was only a single paragraph and then it turned into all that! I hope it's ok. I don't like getting very graphic in my writing and I need to keep this fic under the R-rating...just because I never intended to go this far. Seriously, I just thought they would have a fuzzy, warm relationship, but then Peter took control over the story and started plotting things that weren't originally there!
Anyhow, I hope you're still with me even though it took some time to get out. It should be worth it in the end (whenever that comes), ^^;
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