Fuck you, Anxiety.
This morning I had my first anxiety attack in over 2 years. I'm talking the full deal. Hyperventilating, seeing black spots, and having to stumble to the office bathroom (EW!) to hide and let it pass before my bosses happened by and noticed me sitting at my desk freaking out.
The continued lay offs at work have me panicked. I don't think my job is in immediate danger, especially now that they've laid off several sales people and portions of their individual jobs have fallen onto my lap to deal with, but at the same point, I'm sure our programmer felt the same way, yet he said bye to me this morning as he wheeled his chair and a Staples box full of his personal effects out the front door.
That got me to thinking about what would happen if I did lose my job, especially with the dark unknown of tax season looming over my head. We'd have to cut back on our already extremely tight budget and not eat out at all anymore as opposed to continuing to have our measly $30 meal that we go have at the pub once a week. We'd have to turn off the cable and most likely the internet as well, and I may have to get rid of my car which I'm currently 3/4 done paying off because it eats a tremendous $400 chunk of my earnings up every month. In short, we'd turn into shut ins. And that would be best case scenario. We've heard mixed opinions on whether we will owe money come tax time, due to our getting hitched. If that happens with both of us gainfully employeed it would be hard to deal with. If I lost my job it would end in us selling off all of our worldly possessions to pay it off and it still might not cover it.
So in short, all this over thinking sent me into the deep abyss of anxiety that I've striven to break free of, while I'm at the job I'd so very much like (and need) to keep. Awesome.
And the whole time I'm recounting it, this bitch is over in the margin dancing away and enjoying her office peon job at ZapBangDone.com, doing god only knows what.
So, fuck you too, happy go lucky office bitch. Quit dancing in my LJ.
ETA: Seriously, is this twat grinning from the right hand side of anyone else's LJ as they're trying to update? Or is she just haunting me?
The continued lay offs at work have me panicked. I don't think my job is in immediate danger, especially now that they've laid off several sales people and portions of their individual jobs have fallen onto my lap to deal with, but at the same point, I'm sure our programmer felt the same way, yet he said bye to me this morning as he wheeled his chair and a Staples box full of his personal effects out the front door.
That got me to thinking about what would happen if I did lose my job, especially with the dark unknown of tax season looming over my head. We'd have to cut back on our already extremely tight budget and not eat out at all anymore as opposed to continuing to have our measly $30 meal that we go have at the pub once a week. We'd have to turn off the cable and most likely the internet as well, and I may have to get rid of my car which I'm currently 3/4 done paying off because it eats a tremendous $400 chunk of my earnings up every month. In short, we'd turn into shut ins. And that would be best case scenario. We've heard mixed opinions on whether we will owe money come tax time, due to our getting hitched. If that happens with both of us gainfully employeed it would be hard to deal with. If I lost my job it would end in us selling off all of our worldly possessions to pay it off and it still might not cover it.
So in short, all this over thinking sent me into the deep abyss of anxiety that I've striven to break free of, while I'm at the job I'd so very much like (and need) to keep. Awesome.
And the whole time I'm recounting it, this bitch is over in the margin dancing away and enjoying her office peon job at ZapBangDone.com, doing god only knows what.
So, fuck you too, happy go lucky office bitch. Quit dancing in my LJ.
ETA: Seriously, is this twat grinning from the right hand side of anyone else's LJ as they're trying to update? Or is she just haunting me?