I remember when he left...
I sent him away. It was the right thing to do. I had no right to keep him, he wasn't mine to keep, no matter how long I loved him.
20 years I loved this man, watching him, only rarely touching him, but talking to him so many days an nights, sharing our dreams and laughter. Desiring his body. And this was the last... the last time. And I had to send him home, be the responsible adult and do the right thing and send him home to the family waiting for him, and my soul cried out in agony. I held the door open and smiled with tears running down my cheeks, and wished him well and joy in his life. And I watched him walk down that empty hallway.
And waiting until the door closed before I fell to my knees and sobbed like my heart was shattered. Like a piece of crystal dropped on a hard floor. An explosion of a million tiny crystalline shards, each as sharp as a razor. That's what my heart felt like.
20 years I loved this man, watching him, only rarely touching him, but talking to him so many days an nights, sharing our dreams and laughter. Desiring his body. And this was the last... the last time. And I had to send him home, be the responsible adult and do the right thing and send him home to the family waiting for him, and my soul cried out in agony. I held the door open and smiled with tears running down my cheeks, and wished him well and joy in his life. And I watched him walk down that empty hallway.
And waiting until the door closed before I fell to my knees and sobbed like my heart was shattered. Like a piece of crystal dropped on a hard floor. An explosion of a million tiny crystalline shards, each as sharp as a razor. That's what my heart felt like.