Disconnect

[dark_amaranth]

I wonder how many people exist in relationships in which they reside in their own private fantasy, and all external happenings are somehow transformed and reinterpreted to fit their notion of what they would like the relationship to be. This is probably completely vague, but I can't give any specific instances.

The only example that remotely comes

Comments

[ventus]

I think many of us idealize the person we love. Some of us much more than others. Personally, I think some idealization is inevitable, but it becomes a problem when A) the person we idealize realize what we are doing and begin to feel resentful of our unrealistic understanding and expectations of them, and B) we allow our emotions to take over when fantasy and reality don't match and we create "drama" from not being able to deal with the disconnect. I guess if I were the person being idealized, I would be frustrated and upset if I come to believe that my partner (or friend, whatever) doesn't actually know the "real" me, but rather only the fantasy of me...their love would feel fake and naive even if I knew the other person didn't mean to make it that way. To some extent, that would make me wary of the person who is doing the idealization and unconsciously keep them at a distance. Then the first person is hurt by the coldness, and the vicious cycle perpetuates. Oh, the drama. :P

And heck yes, people somehow end up cherishing the relationships that cause them the most pain. It's not so much mascochistic as it is about...learning. Like, you cherish the growth that you get out of the relationship. Also, you're always driven by the hope that things will become better, because you've been given tantalizing hints of what things COULD look like. It's all about hope. Every little sign of progress (real or perceived) is exhilerating. But I think the thing to remember is that, just as it takes two people to have a conversation, it also takes two people to have any sort of connection. If there is a non-ending situation, it's probably because both people are feeding off of each other...whether or not it's a healthy type of "feeding" is another issue entirely. I think love-hate relationships exist for the same reason. That, and I guess people figure that if they have to fight for it, then it must be worth something. :D

I'm sorry -- hang in there. I feel like I've been somewhere close to this situation (now turned into somewhat of a love-hate relationship...I'm resigned -- whatever), and if there's anything I learned from this, I think that drama is a two-way street -- the behaviors of BOTH people create the situation to make drama happen (although one party may be more responsible than the other, but still).

Oh, life. =)

[dark_amaranth]

I really enjoy your insights. :]

[ventus]

=)

Btw, we still gotta hang out in July when you get back. :P