anxiety attack
I've had a rough rough week-- thank god it'll be almost over tomorrow. Friday is amazing. Not only is it the day I only have two classes, but it's the day I can stay up till whenever and sleep til whenever. I don't have to work. I don't have to do shit, but be a lazy ass. Ahhh that's comforting.
Seriously though I have had the most stressful and anxious week ever so far at college, and its not just school that has effected me, but work, and relationships. I had to call my therapist for a emergency phone session on wednesday because i had no one to help me out. wow.....
Basically to sum it all up: my mom is under so much stress due to selling our house which has made her totally unstable. She's always been the "stable" aspect in my life, so her being so stressed has made me completely freak out and off. Plus she hasnt been too supportive of any of my random ideas about school, my future, or this summer.... it just all ends in frusturation, and led us to avoid each other for a week. Then there's school... i love all my classes except for history because my teacher is an idiot and doesnt know shit about what the fuck he's talking about. I swear he comes into classes completely drugged up. I hate this class, but i need it for a credit so im struggling through it... it's the second only time in my life i wish i was on drugs while being in that class. I've been talkin to Kell a lot too, but she's been stressed due to her fiancee and soo I feel awful. I want to help her out so much, and I think I have but I see how much she is struggling and I love her dearly. I just wish she would feel better.... I hate when I can't help people... Work is killing me. I hate my job. I absolutely HATE it. I know it's my fault, but I just dont even know what I got myself into. I drive 20 mins to Irvine to babysit a 5 year old competitive boy and 3 year old whiney girl for 3 1/2 hours and get paid 12 an hour.... i take them to the park, i watch them play, but they always cry, whine, complain, fight, and scream. I swear these kids drive me crazy. I babysit a lot, and not once have been in a situation like this... not only that but when i end it's 5pm and i have to sit in an hour of traffic two days a week to get home (wednesday and thursday) so by the time i get home im too exhausted to do shit...and i barely have time. I more than convinced myself that I need to quit. I could use that time to study, work out, and just enjoy the singlel life before my hunny moves in with me. Not that im not excited about that, but this is going to be my last few months by myself in my apartment.... alone....
bleh.................. i could really use the money right now since im not planning to work that much this summer, but i'd rather be broke than work in a miserable environment. Why does everything have to be so painful and difficult right now? I hate this time in my life.. grrr im angry.
Hopefully next thursday everything will start turning out okay. I'll be done working, and i'll be picking up my hunny right about now....ah.. one more week.
I'm exhausted.
Well.. sorry to rant, but i needed to.. everything will turn out okay soon, just gotta get through the rough patches.
im a survivor.
Seriously though I have had the most stressful and anxious week ever so far at college, and its not just school that has effected me, but work, and relationships. I had to call my therapist for a emergency phone session on wednesday because i had no one to help me out. wow.....
Basically to sum it all up: my mom is under so much stress due to selling our house which has made her totally unstable. She's always been the "stable" aspect in my life, so her being so stressed has made me completely freak out and off. Plus she hasnt been too supportive of any of my random ideas about school, my future, or this summer.... it just all ends in frusturation, and led us to avoid each other for a week. Then there's school... i love all my classes except for history because my teacher is an idiot and doesnt know shit about what the fuck he's talking about. I swear he comes into classes completely drugged up. I hate this class, but i need it for a credit so im struggling through it... it's the second only time in my life i wish i was on drugs while being in that class. I've been talkin to Kell a lot too, but she's been stressed due to her fiancee and soo I feel awful. I want to help her out so much, and I think I have but I see how much she is struggling and I love her dearly. I just wish she would feel better.... I hate when I can't help people... Work is killing me. I hate my job. I absolutely HATE it. I know it's my fault, but I just dont even know what I got myself into. I drive 20 mins to Irvine to babysit a 5 year old competitive boy and 3 year old whiney girl for 3 1/2 hours and get paid 12 an hour.... i take them to the park, i watch them play, but they always cry, whine, complain, fight, and scream. I swear these kids drive me crazy. I babysit a lot, and not once have been in a situation like this... not only that but when i end it's 5pm and i have to sit in an hour of traffic two days a week to get home (wednesday and thursday) so by the time i get home im too exhausted to do shit...and i barely have time. I more than convinced myself that I need to quit. I could use that time to study, work out, and just enjoy the singlel life before my hunny moves in with me. Not that im not excited about that, but this is going to be my last few months by myself in my apartment.... alone....
bleh.................. i could really use the money right now since im not planning to work that much this summer, but i'd rather be broke than work in a miserable environment. Why does everything have to be so painful and difficult right now? I hate this time in my life.. grrr im angry.
Hopefully next thursday everything will start turning out okay. I'll be done working, and i'll be picking up my hunny right about now....ah.. one more week.
I'm exhausted.
Well.. sorry to rant, but i needed to.. everything will turn out okay soon, just gotta get through the rough patches.
im a survivor.