Nettle, defiled, does not live.
I'm going back downtown tomorrow.
Only three weeks left at the Art Institute of Chicago.
I think I'm having one big nervous breakdown. I haven't made any progress towards the paperwork to get out since I came home. When I'm back downtown tomorrow afternoon or Tuesday I'll have to go e-mail all the people that I need signatures from and make appointments or whatever.
I have to call CLC to get my ID number tomorrow and I have to figure out what I need in order to register for classes.
As far as schoolwork goes, I'm nervous about getting it done and how it will turn it out when I do just due to lack of interest.
Final draft of a research paper is due Wednesday. Not a big deal. I just have to revise a little.
Video piece is due on Friday. I have the clips uploaded to my computer and all that's left to do is to edit. No enthusiasm.
The last Thursday of the semester I have two large paintings due for my Research Studio class. I can't figure it out but I'm not looking forward to this either. I'm excited to do big paintings again but I'm not looking forward to trying to figure out how to get these big things around. My teacher knows how good I am and wants me to go big but for some reason that's so intimidating. And I don't understand why this piece in particular needs to be especially large.
Saturday of the third week, my last class of the semester, is Figure Drawing critique where we bring our 20+ drawings from the piece that each of us picked of the museum's collection. Considering I didn't go to that class last week, I think that I might be behind on what we need for it. But at the same time I think that I had gotten more done by midterm on the assignment than my classmates. Still, I have to do some extra work before Saturday I think just to get caught up a little.
We have to pretend to curate a museum exhibit for Art History. I think I know what I'm going to do for it but it's going to be a pain to get it done.
The more I lay it out for myself and try to plan out time to work on these things, the more nervous I become about them. I might set aside some time now to do them but I'm pretty sure that even when the time comes to do it I won't be able to get motivated enough to do a good job.
My priorities here are not right and I'm not interested in fixing that right now.
I know exactly what driving force has been missing from my life lately. I was worried a little bit about it before I decided to go to art school but I didn't realize how big of an impact it was on my art-making. I don't think I'm going to get that source of willpower back anytime soon. If I'm not able to get motivated by myself then I'm not going to be able to make it in this world.
I wish I still wasn't trying to figure this out. I should be happy that I'm getting away but I haven't figured out what it was that's making me so miserable here.
I'm so exhausted lately too. There is no reason for it. It's my own fault for staying up so late. It's not my fault though that I can't let myself sleep in the morning here for some reason.
Oh god, I don't want to have to go back to the city tomorrow.
I don't want to have to go back ever.
These next three weeks aren't going to go by quick enough.
Only three weeks left at the Art Institute of Chicago.
I think I'm having one big nervous breakdown. I haven't made any progress towards the paperwork to get out since I came home. When I'm back downtown tomorrow afternoon or Tuesday I'll have to go e-mail all the people that I need signatures from and make appointments or whatever.
I have to call CLC to get my ID number tomorrow and I have to figure out what I need in order to register for classes.
As far as schoolwork goes, I'm nervous about getting it done and how it will turn it out when I do just due to lack of interest.
Final draft of a research paper is due Wednesday. Not a big deal. I just have to revise a little.
Video piece is due on Friday. I have the clips uploaded to my computer and all that's left to do is to edit. No enthusiasm.
The last Thursday of the semester I have two large paintings due for my Research Studio class. I can't figure it out but I'm not looking forward to this either. I'm excited to do big paintings again but I'm not looking forward to trying to figure out how to get these big things around. My teacher knows how good I am and wants me to go big but for some reason that's so intimidating. And I don't understand why this piece in particular needs to be especially large.
Saturday of the third week, my last class of the semester, is Figure Drawing critique where we bring our 20+ drawings from the piece that each of us picked of the museum's collection. Considering I didn't go to that class last week, I think that I might be behind on what we need for it. But at the same time I think that I had gotten more done by midterm on the assignment than my classmates. Still, I have to do some extra work before Saturday I think just to get caught up a little.
We have to pretend to curate a museum exhibit for Art History. I think I know what I'm going to do for it but it's going to be a pain to get it done.
The more I lay it out for myself and try to plan out time to work on these things, the more nervous I become about them. I might set aside some time now to do them but I'm pretty sure that even when the time comes to do it I won't be able to get motivated enough to do a good job.
My priorities here are not right and I'm not interested in fixing that right now.
I know exactly what driving force has been missing from my life lately. I was worried a little bit about it before I decided to go to art school but I didn't realize how big of an impact it was on my art-making. I don't think I'm going to get that source of willpower back anytime soon. If I'm not able to get motivated by myself then I'm not going to be able to make it in this world.
I wish I still wasn't trying to figure this out. I should be happy that I'm getting away but I haven't figured out what it was that's making me so miserable here.
I'm so exhausted lately too. There is no reason for it. It's my own fault for staying up so late. It's not my fault though that I can't let myself sleep in the morning here for some reason.
Oh god, I don't want to have to go back to the city tomorrow.
I don't want to have to go back ever.
These next three weeks aren't going to go by quick enough.