Ghost towns.
I had a draft saved in here... but fuck it.
I made a decision, and it sucks.
I like a girl, but know in my mind that things wouldn't end well if we dated. Based on her personality and mine, and previous experience. I just know, but there is still this part of me that likes her.
So I made the choice that we shouldn't date. WE talked about it, cause not talking about it isn't fair, and I tried very hard to not come off as a prick during said conversation ( I think I did well in that regard ), cause it's hard to NOT come off as a prick in that situation.
She withdrew from the friendship, which is to be expected, and even when/if she starts coming back around more, it may be a very long time (if ever) we reconnect like we did before that conversation.
What sucks is, even though I KNOW it would end poorly, I still LIKE her. So seeing her move on, and thinking about it is like being denied, but not by her, and not because I have a disinterest, but like some other ME did it, and now I have to pay. I have to pay in that I pushed her away inadvertantly because I didn't want to have her and I end up with a terrible break up somewhere down the line and lose her in my life.
GRAND!
Life is full of a fucked up feeling of not well right now. I'm dealing with it as best I can, but there's just a number of sources...
The way I described it is that my mind is wandering the dark and lonely streets of the city of in my head. The ones where the street lights are all broken, and the houses and buildings are all boarded up, or burnt out or just falling down.
This part of the city of my mind is full of ghosts, they are all creeping out to haunt me right now. Following me around the city, whispering, and passing their hands through me. Leaving cold memories clinging to me. Shivering as I remember thoughts, feelings and past moments that I'd like to leave stuck somewhere else.
I'm just tired... and I'm tired of this game, and I'm tired of going to bed alone, and I'm tired of not seeing the light in my eyes reflected by the light in someone else's.
I am tired. I am grumpy and I dislike what these past few days of thoughts do to how I act.
< mutter >
I made a decision, and it sucks.
I like a girl, but know in my mind that things wouldn't end well if we dated. Based on her personality and mine, and previous experience. I just know, but there is still this part of me that likes her.
So I made the choice that we shouldn't date. WE talked about it, cause not talking about it isn't fair, and I tried very hard to not come off as a prick during said conversation ( I think I did well in that regard ), cause it's hard to NOT come off as a prick in that situation.
She withdrew from the friendship, which is to be expected, and even when/if she starts coming back around more, it may be a very long time (if ever) we reconnect like we did before that conversation.
What sucks is, even though I KNOW it would end poorly, I still LIKE her. So seeing her move on, and thinking about it is like being denied, but not by her, and not because I have a disinterest, but like some other ME did it, and now I have to pay. I have to pay in that I pushed her away inadvertantly because I didn't want to have her and I end up with a terrible break up somewhere down the line and lose her in my life.
GRAND!
Life is full of a fucked up feeling of not well right now. I'm dealing with it as best I can, but there's just a number of sources...
The way I described it is that my mind is wandering the dark and lonely streets of the city of in my head. The ones where the street lights are all broken, and the houses and buildings are all boarded up, or burnt out or just falling down.
This part of the city of my mind is full of ghosts, they are all creeping out to haunt me right now. Following me around the city, whispering, and passing their hands through me. Leaving cold memories clinging to me. Shivering as I remember thoughts, feelings and past moments that I'd like to leave stuck somewhere else.
I'm just tired... and I'm tired of this game, and I'm tired of going to bed alone, and I'm tired of not seeing the light in my eyes reflected by the light in someone else's.
I am tired. I am grumpy and I dislike what these past few days of thoughts do to how I act.
< mutter >