A slip, a shift, a ... something...
Today something in me shifted.
I've been kind of cranky and apathetic lately (Been hating it the whole time, and trying to stay up). It's been shitty, but at least I've been above 0.
I don't know what did it, but today the floor dropped out, and that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach came back. Everything feels like it's dropping out from beneath me (with no logical evidence that it IS) and I feel pulled down (with an almost literalness to it).
I am pretty damn sure that I've been fighting off depression, and that's what my apathy has been, and at some point over the night I lost that fight and slipped down into it.
I'm aching for something to set off the fire inside me. Hell, I'd almost settle for anger at this point. Everything has felt drowned and fucked up lately.
I still have my crafts, and good god do they help, but I haven't been PASSIONATE about something in a while.
I don't know if I have the energy to be passionate right now. I've been so stupidly tired lately that all I want to do at bed time is pass out and be comfortable, which means I haven't been wearing my mask. Which means I am more tired. I know, I'm being an idiot about all that.
I'm not really sure where I intended to go with all that, nor do I think that this space is really browsed by anyone (the point of this entry is not for other people to read and feel bad, or offer anything, just cause I felt the need to put it out there).
In short.
This sucks.
-RyAn
I've been kind of cranky and apathetic lately (Been hating it the whole time, and trying to stay up). It's been shitty, but at least I've been above 0.
I don't know what did it, but today the floor dropped out, and that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach came back. Everything feels like it's dropping out from beneath me (with no logical evidence that it IS) and I feel pulled down (with an almost literalness to it).
I am pretty damn sure that I've been fighting off depression, and that's what my apathy has been, and at some point over the night I lost that fight and slipped down into it.
I'm aching for something to set off the fire inside me. Hell, I'd almost settle for anger at this point. Everything has felt drowned and fucked up lately.
I still have my crafts, and good god do they help, but I haven't been PASSIONATE about something in a while.
I don't know if I have the energy to be passionate right now. I've been so stupidly tired lately that all I want to do at bed time is pass out and be comfortable, which means I haven't been wearing my mask. Which means I am more tired. I know, I'm being an idiot about all that.
I'm not really sure where I intended to go with all that, nor do I think that this space is really browsed by anyone (the point of this entry is not for other people to read and feel bad, or offer anything, just cause I felt the need to put it out there).
In short.
This sucks.
-RyAn