To write the words of the living.
It is thursday, I woke up in a the bed of another, not a woman wholly, but not a girl. It seems that sleeping is what I should be doing but I can't seem to do it as much as it required. A thousand worried thoughts are gnawing at me, with little voices of familiar people. Every day I feel just a hair closer to making those voices quiet forever, why? Life used to seem like a complicated drinking game, now I rarely drink, so its more like an interesting sport where one walks through a pit of venomous snakes with a blind fold over his eyes. Not a day goes by that I don't blunder on in dangerous places, doing dangerous things, and neglecting worry. I am sure things could be worse, but for the life I live it all feels pretty bad.
What is the value of a life, and why do parents expend so much for the sake of offspring. Being an educated thinker, I wonder if it is morally sound as a citizen of a nation with too many people, to kill yourself if your life has cost more to make than you will earn and serve to pay for it. I think that I have reached that point most certainly, but is the investment worth terminating? How many investments that people make can choose to terminate themselves, Id say few.
The broad dull path ive been walking has been fueled by a body numbing powder, that keeps me walking on strong and hopeful, but ahead are two paths, either of which will take me from that numbness and I must make a choice between hard labor for profit, and slowly earning my education, or earning my education whole heartedly and being a broke peice of shit again. I don't know if I can stand to be poor again, even if I have to spend the money I make, its still better than looking at 5 twenty dollar bills a week and thinking that I made a good check.
Sadly money has brought me only a couple of things that I thought it would. With big money comes the ability to support expensive habits, and with expensive habits come big problems. The sweet checks mean nice things, material goods I thought I wanted, and finer living that before. The most ironic part is, that I am making money and slowly becoming a stable element, but it brings me no closer to the beautiful soul that makes my ugly soul complete.
In the end money cannot buy you happiness, God's sense of humor will see that it doesn't, that would be far too easy if you could just work hard and be happy. But it is better to be an unhappy man with jingle, that an unhappy man who is broke as fuck. Strangely I have seen both sides of the coin and having money is surely better.
What is the value of a life, and why do parents expend so much for the sake of offspring. Being an educated thinker, I wonder if it is morally sound as a citizen of a nation with too many people, to kill yourself if your life has cost more to make than you will earn and serve to pay for it. I think that I have reached that point most certainly, but is the investment worth terminating? How many investments that people make can choose to terminate themselves, Id say few.
The broad dull path ive been walking has been fueled by a body numbing powder, that keeps me walking on strong and hopeful, but ahead are two paths, either of which will take me from that numbness and I must make a choice between hard labor for profit, and slowly earning my education, or earning my education whole heartedly and being a broke peice of shit again. I don't know if I can stand to be poor again, even if I have to spend the money I make, its still better than looking at 5 twenty dollar bills a week and thinking that I made a good check.
Sadly money has brought me only a couple of things that I thought it would. With big money comes the ability to support expensive habits, and with expensive habits come big problems. The sweet checks mean nice things, material goods I thought I wanted, and finer living that before. The most ironic part is, that I am making money and slowly becoming a stable element, but it brings me no closer to the beautiful soul that makes my ugly soul complete.
In the end money cannot buy you happiness, God's sense of humor will see that it doesn't, that would be far too easy if you could just work hard and be happy. But it is better to be an unhappy man with jingle, that an unhappy man who is broke as fuck. Strangely I have seen both sides of the coin and having money is surely better.