I want to die
Hello,
my friends, those that still read this, I have been out of a job since January of last year. I had a wonderful girlfriend that I love, yes, still love, from the bottom of my heart. I lost her because of actions that I never even noticed, and never managed to fix or make amends for. She has moved on and taken her love with her. I find myself wanting daily to be with her, but being left with a dieing hope that I can ever win her back. She has since moved on to dating a friend that has all but stopped talking to me, and he was distant with her so she left him and is now with another man at the college that she just moved to. I have my doubts that she will ever return here, or ever return to my arms where I had wished that she would have spent the rest of our lives. I had planned on proposing to her on her birthday next year, I wanted to spend the rest of my days living for and loving her to the best of my abilities. But now I spend my waking moments lamenting my actions and my inability to save the relationship that had become my driving force, my reason to wake up in the morning. I know search for reasons to wake up at all now that she has told me that there is no chance at all to realize the future that I had starting thinking of and planning. As the post title says... I want to die... and I know this comes across as emo and childish, but she was my life, I devoted my entirety to the woman that had become so dear to me that I would have quickly and without hesitation died in her place... I love her so much and it hurts to just move without her now. I don't need to hear "there are other fish in the sea" or "you'll find someone else" I am alone and in the desert without her, I know I will live without her... and I know that my heart will keep beating, for the heart is the only tool, that once broken still works as it should, but my life is now hollow and very cold without her smile and her touch. I took her for granted and now I have lost the most wonderful thing that has happened to me in my entire life!
I am uncertain if I will ever post on here again... but I at least wanted to share what is happening in my life... I love you Kelly... and I miss you...
my friends, those that still read this, I have been out of a job since January of last year. I had a wonderful girlfriend that I love, yes, still love, from the bottom of my heart. I lost her because of actions that I never even noticed, and never managed to fix or make amends for. She has moved on and taken her love with her. I find myself wanting daily to be with her, but being left with a dieing hope that I can ever win her back. She has since moved on to dating a friend that has all but stopped talking to me, and he was distant with her so she left him and is now with another man at the college that she just moved to. I have my doubts that she will ever return here, or ever return to my arms where I had wished that she would have spent the rest of our lives. I had planned on proposing to her on her birthday next year, I wanted to spend the rest of my days living for and loving her to the best of my abilities. But now I spend my waking moments lamenting my actions and my inability to save the relationship that had become my driving force, my reason to wake up in the morning. I know search for reasons to wake up at all now that she has told me that there is no chance at all to realize the future that I had starting thinking of and planning. As the post title says... I want to die... and I know this comes across as emo and childish, but she was my life, I devoted my entirety to the woman that had become so dear to me that I would have quickly and without hesitation died in her place... I love her so much and it hurts to just move without her now. I don't need to hear "there are other fish in the sea" or "you'll find someone else" I am alone and in the desert without her, I know I will live without her... and I know that my heart will keep beating, for the heart is the only tool, that once broken still works as it should, but my life is now hollow and very cold without her smile and her touch. I took her for granted and now I have lost the most wonderful thing that has happened to me in my entire life!
I am uncertain if I will ever post on here again... but I at least wanted to share what is happening in my life... I love you Kelly... and I miss you...