Smile; a Juntoshi fanfic
The fic I promised (really overdue... xP)! Yay.
Random notes:
Title: Smile
Rating: G
Summary: I saw the clouds clearing up from outside the window and I let myself smile. Even for that short while with my leader.
"Jun."
I looked up from my laptop and pushed my glasses further up my nose. "Yeah?"
He scratched his neck a little sheepishly, hesitant to say whatever he had to say. "Uh... Riida's just woken up. He's kinda... uh, asking for you."
My heart thumped hard in my ribcage at that statement. I nearly felt it come out when I gulped and looked at him straight in the eye. "He's awake?" I tried hard not to sound like a drowning frog.
"Yeah, he is. He wants you there, Jun. He needs you there the most," he said.
I closed the notebook and rubbed a hand over my face. I felt him occupy the seat next to me as I leaned my head on the headrest and sighed. "He's all right.. he's all right. Riida's all right."
The footsteps, the nurses' calls, the sound of the monitors beeping, the sound of the wheels of the stretchers were all distant to me now. Silence enveloped us and I dared not to speak. Sho sighed beside me and spoke again. "Jun, aren't you coming over to see him?"
I didn't answer right away. As much as I wanted to burst in right through his door, I simply couldn't put the guilt away because I caused this to happen. It didn't work that way. If I hadn't let my pride get in the way that night, this wouldn't have had happened. It was all a cliche story and I'm blaming myself for this. He couldn't ask for me just like that. I was the reason he was on that bed... and I don't know how to tell him I was sorry. I don't even know how to start.
"I don't know, Sho. I don't know..."
He stood up, pulled at my hand, and frowned. "You have to. I'm not requesting you to go to Riida. I'm ordering you to," he said with a firm tone.
I glared at him lightly before succumbing to the urgent want to go on ahead. "Fine. But not today. I... I can't do it right now."
Sho sighed again, and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Do whatever you want, Matsujun. I have to go; I still have a press conference to attend to."
He walked away and I put my face in my hands.
I have to. I need to. I want to. I want to go to him.
||~||
I grasped the handle and I could see my hand trembling at its coldness against my skin. Or perhaps it was just because I was edgy. Or maybe it's the cold atmosphere the wild weather is causing...
Why did opening the door to this room seem so simple yet was proving such a challenge for me? My eyes widened in slight shock at the door suddenly opening and with Aiba coming out of it. "Eh? Matsujun?"
I recovered quickly and nodded my head at him in acknowledgment. "Is Riida awake?"
He smiled at me and put his hands in his pockets in a fluid movement. "Yeah, he is. Sho's still inside though," he said.
I forced a small smile and said, "Ah, I see. I'll wait here for a while, then."
He laughed before responding. "No, no. You go in, Matsujun. Sho will come out shortly anyway."
"Should I?" I raised a brow at him questioningly.
"Yes, yes. Just go on inside, Matsujun," he replied, opening the door behind me and gesturing for me to go in. I was still uncertain on entering but Aiba pushed me inside causing me to nearly stumble in on the floor. I glared at him before he gave me a goofy smile and closed the door.
Sho and Riida suddenly stopped from their conversation and I looked at them tentatively. "Uhh..." I coughed.
I could see Sho beaming from where I was standing, and then he stood up, patting Riida lightly on the shoulder. "Well, I think it's best that I go on first, Riida. Some private time... You need it," he winked. "I'll bring along Nino and Aiba-chan perhaps the day after tomorrow?"
Riida smiled. "Yeah, that would be very nice," he answered.
I stood by the door and coughed lightly my anxiety away. Sho walked past me and gave me a thumbs-up on the sly before opening the door and then disappearing around the corner when I heard the door click shut.
"Uhh..."
He smiled at me.
I ambled towards the bed, with my head down and I could feel my neck heating up. "Riida..."
I still had my head lowered, so I chose to ignore whatever expression he wore. "I'm glad you came, Jun," he said in a quiet voice; although I could hear the vague happiness it bore.
I sat down and finally brought my eyes to look at him; anywhere except in his eyes. "I'm sorry, Riida." The words came without warning.
"For what?" he questioned, the confused expression that came with it proving the innocence he held. He propped one of his elbows on his pillows so that he was capable of sitting himself up. I was even afraid to reach out to help, fearing that I may hurt him further.
"It's my entire fault... If I I didn't..." My voice was starting to crack.
He chuckled softly, slightly interrupting what I was left to say. "Don't put all the hate on your shoulders, Jun. There's no one to blame about what happened. Besides, look, I'm all right. There's little damage done. I don't feel hatred towards you, Jun. I can never hate you."
I felt tears threatening to fall from the corners of my eyes and I bit my lower lip to prevent them from dropping. "I'm sorry, Riida... I really am," I whispered, but I figured he heard me because he gave me a reassuring smile. My heart nearly broke.
"Don't be," he replied.
And at that, I cracked and cried out the grief and the useless guilt I enclosed inside. Riida held my hand and I felt his tender caresses upon my head. Relief overflowed throughout my body and I sighed out of liberation. I knew I was loved despite my weaknesses. I was finally able to convince myself I was forgiven.
I saw the clouds clearing up from the window and I let myself smile. Even for that short while with my leader.
owari
Random notes:
- written out of the blue; with no plot in mind. xD
- if there are any queries about Oh-chan's hospitalization... let your imagination run wild. =)) I seriously didn't think up of that in the first place, so yes, put the blame on me.
- slight AU
- according to Jun's perspective
- this note is totally unrelated to the fic, but oh well. I seem like I'm an oc with all these thingies, right? :)) Because I am. Bear with it. I like my journal organized. An organized mess, so I would call it.
Title: Smile
Rating: G
Summary: I saw the clouds clearing up from outside the window and I let myself smile. Even for that short while with my leader.
"Jun."
I looked up from my laptop and pushed my glasses further up my nose. "Yeah?"
He scratched his neck a little sheepishly, hesitant to say whatever he had to say. "Uh... Riida's just woken up. He's kinda... uh, asking for you."
My heart thumped hard in my ribcage at that statement. I nearly felt it come out when I gulped and looked at him straight in the eye. "He's awake?" I tried hard not to sound like a drowning frog.
"Yeah, he is. He wants you there, Jun. He needs you there the most," he said.
I closed the notebook and rubbed a hand over my face. I felt him occupy the seat next to me as I leaned my head on the headrest and sighed. "He's all right.. he's all right. Riida's all right."
The footsteps, the nurses' calls, the sound of the monitors beeping, the sound of the wheels of the stretchers were all distant to me now. Silence enveloped us and I dared not to speak. Sho sighed beside me and spoke again. "Jun, aren't you coming over to see him?"
I didn't answer right away. As much as I wanted to burst in right through his door, I simply couldn't put the guilt away because I caused this to happen. It didn't work that way. If I hadn't let my pride get in the way that night, this wouldn't have had happened. It was all a cliche story and I'm blaming myself for this. He couldn't ask for me just like that. I was the reason he was on that bed... and I don't know how to tell him I was sorry. I don't even know how to start.
"I don't know, Sho. I don't know..."
He stood up, pulled at my hand, and frowned. "You have to. I'm not requesting you to go to Riida. I'm ordering you to," he said with a firm tone.
I glared at him lightly before succumbing to the urgent want to go on ahead. "Fine. But not today. I... I can't do it right now."
Sho sighed again, and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Do whatever you want, Matsujun. I have to go; I still have a press conference to attend to."
He walked away and I put my face in my hands.
I have to. I need to. I want to. I want to go to him.
||~||
I grasped the handle and I could see my hand trembling at its coldness against my skin. Or perhaps it was just because I was edgy. Or maybe it's the cold atmosphere the wild weather is causing...
Why did opening the door to this room seem so simple yet was proving such a challenge for me? My eyes widened in slight shock at the door suddenly opening and with Aiba coming out of it. "Eh? Matsujun?"
I recovered quickly and nodded my head at him in acknowledgment. "Is Riida awake?"
He smiled at me and put his hands in his pockets in a fluid movement. "Yeah, he is. Sho's still inside though," he said.
I forced a small smile and said, "Ah, I see. I'll wait here for a while, then."
He laughed before responding. "No, no. You go in, Matsujun. Sho will come out shortly anyway."
"Should I?" I raised a brow at him questioningly.
"Yes, yes. Just go on inside, Matsujun," he replied, opening the door behind me and gesturing for me to go in. I was still uncertain on entering but Aiba pushed me inside causing me to nearly stumble in on the floor. I glared at him before he gave me a goofy smile and closed the door.
Sho and Riida suddenly stopped from their conversation and I looked at them tentatively. "Uhh..." I coughed.
I could see Sho beaming from where I was standing, and then he stood up, patting Riida lightly on the shoulder. "Well, I think it's best that I go on first, Riida. Some private time... You need it," he winked. "I'll bring along Nino and Aiba-chan perhaps the day after tomorrow?"
Riida smiled. "Yeah, that would be very nice," he answered.
I stood by the door and coughed lightly my anxiety away. Sho walked past me and gave me a thumbs-up on the sly before opening the door and then disappearing around the corner when I heard the door click shut.
"Uhh..."
He smiled at me.
I ambled towards the bed, with my head down and I could feel my neck heating up. "Riida..."
I still had my head lowered, so I chose to ignore whatever expression he wore. "I'm glad you came, Jun," he said in a quiet voice; although I could hear the vague happiness it bore.
I sat down and finally brought my eyes to look at him; anywhere except in his eyes. "I'm sorry, Riida." The words came without warning.
"For what?" he questioned, the confused expression that came with it proving the innocence he held. He propped one of his elbows on his pillows so that he was capable of sitting himself up. I was even afraid to reach out to help, fearing that I may hurt him further.
"It's my entire fault... If I I didn't..." My voice was starting to crack.
He chuckled softly, slightly interrupting what I was left to say. "Don't put all the hate on your shoulders, Jun. There's no one to blame about what happened. Besides, look, I'm all right. There's little damage done. I don't feel hatred towards you, Jun. I can never hate you."
I felt tears threatening to fall from the corners of my eyes and I bit my lower lip to prevent them from dropping. "I'm sorry, Riida... I really am," I whispered, but I figured he heard me because he gave me a reassuring smile. My heart nearly broke.
"Don't be," he replied.
And at that, I cracked and cried out the grief and the useless guilt I enclosed inside. Riida held my hand and I felt his tender caresses upon my head. Relief overflowed throughout my body and I sighed out of liberation. I knew I was loved despite my weaknesses. I was finally able to convince myself I was forgiven.
I saw the clouds clearing up from the window and I let myself smile. Even for that short while with my leader.
owari