I miss mom
I woke up early about 3:30am this morning, and slept from 11:00 pm. Its not enough sleep but considering the seriousnes of my moms health and constantly being greatly concerned for her , I should be thankful to have slept at all. Ive been drinking the clubs and have been puffing the joints that I requested from my sister. Ive been feeling alot more myself since I disconnected from Nita which was on the 27th of may to put it roughly.Now as my ties to her are loosening to the whole dillema I'm now back to the fight once again to which my mothers life is now battling. More infections coming along and her delirium so overwhelming that the doctors said her condition is not good. Milan my sister seems to be preparing to see life without a mother as well. I saw mom yesterday twice. The first visit was seeing her lying peacefully yet a little swollen in ICU.I talked Ian the on duty nurse who gave me his thoughts about what treatments are due in the near future and his knowlege os Menegitis infections. Ian told me about how my mom unconciously and still phsycically ended an attempt to be x-rayed for a better understanding of her internal infections. I left after I thanked Ian and had a small and unfriendly talk with Milan about my mom, she always talks about the death aspect of the situation. She screamed and hung up. I dont feel I connected in any way to the talk. A while later I returned up to the hospital and found a very kind female nurse working with mom and preparing about seven huge syringes to feed straight to moms stomach through a feeding ,breathing tube.Mom had very open eyes but could see nothing of hear nothing. She had a heart rate of 160 170 and must have been pushing physically with her arms to catch hold of something the huge sensation the medicine and adreneline was causing her. She was finally restfull and I left the hospital soon after.
Posted via m.livejournal.com.
Posted via m.livejournal.com.