Letters to a Young [Aspiring] Writer

[darinbradley]

There are, perhaps, too many sites, readers, and blogs out in the ether that offer advice to aspiring writers. Let's add to the mess-after all, it's a conspiracy to keep you confused.

Every time you read a block of advice about writing or how to be published, you should read it skeptically. Including this one. These blocks of advice are particular

Comments

[deborahlive]

That email address thing is mind-boggling to me. It seems so obvious and yet I get queries all the time from people who apparenlty haven't thought about that one. Goofballs.

And same to the cover letters. You know my absolute fave? The one that actually does keep me from having to look a the story? Any variation on "While I have not been so fortunate as to read a copy of Polyphony, I'm sure my story is perfect for it."

No kidding. People say that.

That copyright notice thing really bugs me, too.

Great stuff!

[darinbradley]

Well, be fair: reading a copy of Polyphony *is* an act of fortune. You have to be one of the fore-ordained Elect to receive a copy from the stars.

Because, you know, you can't get copies anywhere. Sure would be handy if you would offer free and convenient samples for people to read.

You should think about doing that . . .

[deborahlive]

Shhh...I'm changing the name to Secret Press's Secret Anthology Series That No One Knows About Because It's a Secret.

Secret Guidelines won't be announced anywhere! You have to overhear them on a bus in Detroit while heading down to the Plasma Center to raise money for a pack of smokes and a Red Bull.

[darinbradley]

Publishing is a conspiracy to keep new writers out! See! See!

This is just another twist in keeping people down--it's no longer about who you know, but who you don't!

[deborahlive]

What happens to editors who talk, Mr. Bradley?

[darinbradley]

[X][x][x][x], [x][x][x][x]! [X]'[x][x] [x][x] [x][x][x][x][x], [X] [x][x][x][x][x][x][x]!

[X][x][x][x]'[x] [x][x][x][x] [x][x] [x][x][x][x][x]!

[experimeditor]

Uh-oh. Mr. Bradley needs "The Talk".

We'll need pliers and a six volume set of the OED. Oh, and an empty fountain pen . . .

[darinbradley]

I'm a martyr!

[experimeditor]

We'll make sure "things" happen in an obscure enough place that no one will know . . . we can give new meaning to "read between the lines".

Mwahahahahaha!!!!

[darinbradley]

I'ma report you to the Board.

They'll have your license for this!

[experimeditor]

License? We don't need no steenking license!

[darinbradley]

Good, then you're on precisely the right track. I wish I could get the year or so back when I was doing everything wrong.

Good luck!