I just think sometimes ...
I opened some old wounds today while uploading some pictures of my house to my old photobucket. We've pretty much finished the upstairs now and I was looking to upload some pics to show you all what we've accomplished.
Unfortunately, that old photobucket had reminders of some bitter, bitter memories. And reliving all that? God, I just wanted to lash out again at those monsters that made me feel so bad for so many years. But what's the point?
I've come to realize that it'll still be some time before I can let all of that go, truly let it go. As long as people keep bringing it up to me, as long as people tell me they still talk shit about me, as long as people remind me about their existence, I can't let it go. And I want to so bad.
I haven't actively participated in drama for years, and yet that drama continues to follow me. After all, haven't I "won"? I have such a good life now. I have such good friends who love me. I'm married to the man that I am excited to spend the rest of my life with! And every time I reflect on the past, I know I haven't won yet because I haven't conquered the inclination to do so.
Anyway, I need to clear out the photobucket and finish uploading pics for all of you to see!
Unfortunately, that old photobucket had reminders of some bitter, bitter memories. And reliving all that? God, I just wanted to lash out again at those monsters that made me feel so bad for so many years. But what's the point?
I've come to realize that it'll still be some time before I can let all of that go, truly let it go. As long as people keep bringing it up to me, as long as people tell me they still talk shit about me, as long as people remind me about their existence, I can't let it go. And I want to so bad.
I haven't actively participated in drama for years, and yet that drama continues to follow me. After all, haven't I "won"? I have such a good life now. I have such good friends who love me. I'm married to the man that I am excited to spend the rest of my life with! And every time I reflect on the past, I know I haven't won yet because I haven't conquered the inclination to do so.
Anyway, I need to clear out the photobucket and finish uploading pics for all of you to see!