(no subject)
I haven't had much quiet time to just sit and write lately. I used to do it when Ten was asleep, but that doesn't happen anymore because he died.
It wasn't something I wanted for him, it wasn't something I ever would have done if I didn't have to, but I promised him I would. I promised I'd raise him when he died. When it came down to it, when I found him there bleeding out into the snow, I didn't even have the power to do it myself. Sometimes I wonder if that was just a ploy, if the swords wouldn't give me the power I needed to raise him because they knew it was a chance to take him for their own. Maybe they knew that was the only chance I would ever give them to taste his soul. I never wanted to subject him to that hunger, I never wanted to make him anything worse than just undead, but that was the price they asked of me to bring him back. He's Reckoner's now, and I'm Revenant's.
He's finally learning why it was so hard for me to be with him at first, why it was so terrifying for me. He's learning about the hunger. He's learning how hard it is to be around the living with a runeblade whispering to you. I remember when we sat on the lake near Brill and I told him how scared I was that the ice would melt, that terrible things would happen if I let myself love him. I think he understands that a lot better now. And maybe this was the ice melting, maybe this was us falling into the lake and getting soaked, but it doesn't seem to hurt. I feel guilty for turning him over to Reckoner, but I can't dwell on it while he's so content. He's more stable now, more sane. And I might worry sometimes that he won't need me anymore, not now that he's dead, but I know he does. Even if he's not crazy, even if he doesn't need to be taken care of, he still needs me. I can feel it. I can feel it in his soul. It's comforting.
Our souls are bonded by the swords. They were one once, they were Lichreaver, and they're still one. They always spoke to me with one voice. But they're also two. I know this is weird crazy stuff, but it's the only way I can explain it. They are both one and two. And now we are both one and two. I can sense his feelings now. Etheris was always able to talk to me, to...nudge me the way he wanted me to go, but it only went one way most of the time. He could read me like an open book, but I could never read him. Because I was his slave, I guess. But Ten and I are equal, and it goes both ways. I can feel him, all the way to the corrupted tatters of my soul.
I don't deserve any of this.
It wasn't something I wanted for him, it wasn't something I ever would have done if I didn't have to, but I promised him I would. I promised I'd raise him when he died. When it came down to it, when I found him there bleeding out into the snow, I didn't even have the power to do it myself. Sometimes I wonder if that was just a ploy, if the swords wouldn't give me the power I needed to raise him because they knew it was a chance to take him for their own. Maybe they knew that was the only chance I would ever give them to taste his soul. I never wanted to subject him to that hunger, I never wanted to make him anything worse than just undead, but that was the price they asked of me to bring him back. He's Reckoner's now, and I'm Revenant's.
He's finally learning why it was so hard for me to be with him at first, why it was so terrifying for me. He's learning about the hunger. He's learning how hard it is to be around the living with a runeblade whispering to you. I remember when we sat on the lake near Brill and I told him how scared I was that the ice would melt, that terrible things would happen if I let myself love him. I think he understands that a lot better now. And maybe this was the ice melting, maybe this was us falling into the lake and getting soaked, but it doesn't seem to hurt. I feel guilty for turning him over to Reckoner, but I can't dwell on it while he's so content. He's more stable now, more sane. And I might worry sometimes that he won't need me anymore, not now that he's dead, but I know he does. Even if he's not crazy, even if he doesn't need to be taken care of, he still needs me. I can feel it. I can feel it in his soul. It's comforting.
Our souls are bonded by the swords. They were one once, they were Lichreaver, and they're still one. They always spoke to me with one voice. But they're also two. I know this is weird crazy stuff, but it's the only way I can explain it. They are both one and two. And now we are both one and two. I can sense his feelings now. Etheris was always able to talk to me, to...nudge me the way he wanted me to go, but it only went one way most of the time. He could read me like an open book, but I could never read him. Because I was his slave, I guess. But Ten and I are equal, and it goes both ways. I can feel him, all the way to the corrupted tatters of my soul.
I don't deserve any of this.