The down low..or low down
Life sure has a funny way of changing when you least expect it. You know that quote "life is what happens when you are busy making plans"? I forget that so easily, and then I'm reminded of it once again when I don't necessarily want to be.
A year ago last weekend we were dealing with the sudden death of Bill's father, Curt. The evening of his memorial service, while all five children and their respective children were sitting around the table, Bill proposed to me. I refused to allow him to announce it right then and there for two reasons. First off, it was my firm belief that before announcing it, he needed to have a conversation with his three children about what was going to be happening. Secondly, and most obvious, we were eating dinner after his father's memorial service. Not really the best time for doing something like that.
He didn't have a ring (which, if you know me, jewelry is NOT important to me), it wasn't just the two of us (we were in the middle of a busy restaurant on a Friday night!), he was drinking - heavily, as per the norm for him, and all he could say when he proposed was that he couldn't think of a single reason why he shouldn't be happy with me. I did more for him blah blah blah, and why don't I just move in now since I practically live with him already?
Most of this has already been written about before. What I find ironic, funny, sad, whatever adjective you want to place on it, is he is now two weeks away from getting married to someone else. Not even six months of dating and they are getting married. The main reason he gave me (over and over and over ad infinitum) for breaking up with me was that he was not ready to be in a committed relationship with anyone. He needed to deal with issues left from his divorce, get used to living life on his own etc etc. He even told me when he and Roxanne first started "hanging out" was that he felt like she wanted something far more serious than he, and he was going to be talking to her about that. Heck, he was still coming to see me on the weekends after hanging out with her during the week!
Looks like that "talk" never happened. Instead, he's rushed into yet another relationship, taking this one one step further and planning a marriage with her, and all I can do is watch from a distance waiting for the implosion to take place.
I have been hearing things. Things through the grapevine. And it truly saddens me to know that these two people, ages 43 and 44, are so willing to let their desire to "prove" something to me and everyone around them, that they can't even see what they are doing to their families. They both have children; 10 between the two of them. And I know for a fact that there are several of them who have a major problem with this wedding that is taking place in two weeks. It kills me that because they want to do what they want to do, they are willing to risk causing irreparable damage to their relationships with those kids.
It's kind of like a car wreck that you see happening, and you just can't tear your eyes away from the disaster unfolding in front of you.
Not only is this 43 year old man willing to place this relationship above the one with his children, he is burning bridges with people who have been his friends for years now. All because of their continued friendship with me. Guilt by association is all I can think of as a reason for his behavior lately. It's a truly sad, sad situation. I honestly do not see this marriage lasting more than a year, and if what I hear through the grapevine is true, it's already a rocky relationship - and they haven't even said their vows yet.
I want so badly to tell her the truth about him as I know it; I wish I could keep the hurt that man causes from touching someone else; I wish I could protect those 10 kids (yes, they are all of legal age, but still); unfortunately, I know that you can't protect or help people who do not want to be protected or helped. I guess the reason this is so difficult for me is because of the very reason I am becoming a social worker in the first place - to help those around me. You just can't save every one, no matter how much you wish you could. *Sigh*
All of this is really a moot point. I know most of this has been written about before. I guess what's really driving my anger now is that he's not just striking out at me to hurt me; he's striking out at those I care about as a way of hurting me. Again, guilt by association.
The thing is, even though I've been told I'm not to blame, I still feel that to a point. I am the one that brought A into this situation; she wouldn't have been here having to deal with this 5 yr old in a 43 year old man's body if I hadn't suggested she move in here. As for Vanessa, they were friends before he and I started dating, yet he's burning that bridge, too, because of her friendship with me. *shaking head*
He wants to strike out at me, fine. He doesn't want to have anything to do with me. Fine. He can't bring himself to contact Dell to get a replacement battery for the laptop he bought me even though it's still covered under warranty. Fine. But you know what, Bill? You don't have to be an a** to others because they talk to me. They haven't done a single thing to you. Ever. GROW THE F*** UP!
Quit acting like a child. Quit blaming everything that has ever gone wrong in your life on other people. Maybe YOU are the reason negative things are happening around you. Your divorce wasn't all your ex-wife. You talked about how badly she screwed you over in the divorce, but YOU LET HER! So quit whining, suck it up, and go on with your life. She's not the reason your credit is screwed, you are. Jamie wasn't stalking you. I certainly wasn't going to steal and/or destroy your things, I have plenty of my own things without adding yours to the mix. And everyone who knows me knows that I wouldn't hurt a fly, so the story you were spreading around about how I was stalking you and threatening to hurt you and Roxanne, all that did was make me, and every one who heard it, laugh!
I'm talking like he's actually going to see this. I know neither of them will see this, although part of me wished he would. I should have told some of this to him a long time ago.
There are a couple positive things that have come out of all this drama. Most importantly, his kids. I still talk to one of them on a semi-regular basis, and when I saw one of the other two tonight, she seemed pleasantly surprised to see me. I could be wrong, of course, but for me, having his three kids in my life, even if only for two years, has been a great thing. And the other thing...well, as much as all of this hurt in the beginning, I can honestly say that I'm glad it's over with him. One because the man I have been learning about over the last six months or so was NOT the man I thought he was. If I had agreed to let him announce our engagement at the dinner table the way he wanted, not only would it have caused problems with his kids (yes, I know this for a fact, I was told by one of his kids), but we probably would have been married by now and I can't imagine that it would have been good.
The other reason, well, it allowed the rekindling of something I believed to have died four years ago. I can honestly say that my relationship with Chris, though we do have our disagreements, is unlike any other I have ever had. And the way I feel when I am with Chris is unlike the way I felt with anyone else. And to top it all off, he makes me feel absolutely beautiful. Loved. Special. Appreciated. Amazing. And dare I say it again? Loved, to the very bottom of my soul.
I guess the middle of the night rambling is over......for now.
Be good.
A year ago last weekend we were dealing with the sudden death of Bill's father, Curt. The evening of his memorial service, while all five children and their respective children were sitting around the table, Bill proposed to me. I refused to allow him to announce it right then and there for two reasons. First off, it was my firm belief that before announcing it, he needed to have a conversation with his three children about what was going to be happening. Secondly, and most obvious, we were eating dinner after his father's memorial service. Not really the best time for doing something like that.
He didn't have a ring (which, if you know me, jewelry is NOT important to me), it wasn't just the two of us (we were in the middle of a busy restaurant on a Friday night!), he was drinking - heavily, as per the norm for him, and all he could say when he proposed was that he couldn't think of a single reason why he shouldn't be happy with me. I did more for him blah blah blah, and why don't I just move in now since I practically live with him already?
Most of this has already been written about before. What I find ironic, funny, sad, whatever adjective you want to place on it, is he is now two weeks away from getting married to someone else. Not even six months of dating and they are getting married. The main reason he gave me (over and over and over ad infinitum) for breaking up with me was that he was not ready to be in a committed relationship with anyone. He needed to deal with issues left from his divorce, get used to living life on his own etc etc. He even told me when he and Roxanne first started "hanging out" was that he felt like she wanted something far more serious than he, and he was going to be talking to her about that. Heck, he was still coming to see me on the weekends after hanging out with her during the week!
Looks like that "talk" never happened. Instead, he's rushed into yet another relationship, taking this one one step further and planning a marriage with her, and all I can do is watch from a distance waiting for the implosion to take place.
I have been hearing things. Things through the grapevine. And it truly saddens me to know that these two people, ages 43 and 44, are so willing to let their desire to "prove" something to me and everyone around them, that they can't even see what they are doing to their families. They both have children; 10 between the two of them. And I know for a fact that there are several of them who have a major problem with this wedding that is taking place in two weeks. It kills me that because they want to do what they want to do, they are willing to risk causing irreparable damage to their relationships with those kids.
It's kind of like a car wreck that you see happening, and you just can't tear your eyes away from the disaster unfolding in front of you.
Not only is this 43 year old man willing to place this relationship above the one with his children, he is burning bridges with people who have been his friends for years now. All because of their continued friendship with me. Guilt by association is all I can think of as a reason for his behavior lately. It's a truly sad, sad situation. I honestly do not see this marriage lasting more than a year, and if what I hear through the grapevine is true, it's already a rocky relationship - and they haven't even said their vows yet.
I want so badly to tell her the truth about him as I know it; I wish I could keep the hurt that man causes from touching someone else; I wish I could protect those 10 kids (yes, they are all of legal age, but still); unfortunately, I know that you can't protect or help people who do not want to be protected or helped. I guess the reason this is so difficult for me is because of the very reason I am becoming a social worker in the first place - to help those around me. You just can't save every one, no matter how much you wish you could. *Sigh*
All of this is really a moot point. I know most of this has been written about before. I guess what's really driving my anger now is that he's not just striking out at me to hurt me; he's striking out at those I care about as a way of hurting me. Again, guilt by association.
The thing is, even though I've been told I'm not to blame, I still feel that to a point. I am the one that brought A into this situation; she wouldn't have been here having to deal with this 5 yr old in a 43 year old man's body if I hadn't suggested she move in here. As for Vanessa, they were friends before he and I started dating, yet he's burning that bridge, too, because of her friendship with me. *shaking head*
He wants to strike out at me, fine. He doesn't want to have anything to do with me. Fine. He can't bring himself to contact Dell to get a replacement battery for the laptop he bought me even though it's still covered under warranty. Fine. But you know what, Bill? You don't have to be an a** to others because they talk to me. They haven't done a single thing to you. Ever. GROW THE F*** UP!
Quit acting like a child. Quit blaming everything that has ever gone wrong in your life on other people. Maybe YOU are the reason negative things are happening around you. Your divorce wasn't all your ex-wife. You talked about how badly she screwed you over in the divorce, but YOU LET HER! So quit whining, suck it up, and go on with your life. She's not the reason your credit is screwed, you are. Jamie wasn't stalking you. I certainly wasn't going to steal and/or destroy your things, I have plenty of my own things without adding yours to the mix. And everyone who knows me knows that I wouldn't hurt a fly, so the story you were spreading around about how I was stalking you and threatening to hurt you and Roxanne, all that did was make me, and every one who heard it, laugh!
I'm talking like he's actually going to see this. I know neither of them will see this, although part of me wished he would. I should have told some of this to him a long time ago.
There are a couple positive things that have come out of all this drama. Most importantly, his kids. I still talk to one of them on a semi-regular basis, and when I saw one of the other two tonight, she seemed pleasantly surprised to see me. I could be wrong, of course, but for me, having his three kids in my life, even if only for two years, has been a great thing. And the other thing...well, as much as all of this hurt in the beginning, I can honestly say that I'm glad it's over with him. One because the man I have been learning about over the last six months or so was NOT the man I thought he was. If I had agreed to let him announce our engagement at the dinner table the way he wanted, not only would it have caused problems with his kids (yes, I know this for a fact, I was told by one of his kids), but we probably would have been married by now and I can't imagine that it would have been good.
The other reason, well, it allowed the rekindling of something I believed to have died four years ago. I can honestly say that my relationship with Chris, though we do have our disagreements, is unlike any other I have ever had. And the way I feel when I am with Chris is unlike the way I felt with anyone else. And to top it all off, he makes me feel absolutely beautiful. Loved. Special. Appreciated. Amazing. And dare I say it again? Loved, to the very bottom of my soul.
I guess the middle of the night rambling is over......for now.
Be good.