Short version of a very long story.
Here's the story. The very very condensed version of a many months-long story.
Bill and I broke up a few weeks or so ago. But yet, we didn't. Make any sense? Yeah, doesn't to me, either.
We are still "dating", just not with the seriousness that we have had in the last year and a half or so.
It's about as clear as mud to me, so if none of you understand, don't feel too badly. Heh.
A few months ago, right after his father died, the day of his memorial, actually, things were very serious. Some things were said (as in a proposal, along with an expressed desire for me to move in with him), very serious things, that would have changed the course of our relationship drastically. However, because he was under the influence of quite a bit of alcohol, not to mention the stress, strain, shock, and obvious grief that was present the week his father was killed, I was adament about not telling anyone anything. Well, the next several days, tension became almost unbearable between us. Turns out, what was said wasn't really meant, as happens so frequently when alcohol is involved.
Skip to present day, things are clear as mud or worse when it comes to our relationship.
Over the course of the last year and a half, since we began dating, he has become my very best friend. I'm terrified of losing that, yet being around so constantly confuses everything that much more.
I keep thinking that when I move to Nacogdoches at the end of June/ beginning of July, things will get so much easier. I won't see him every day, won't be coming over here, etc etc. And maybe by moving to Nac I'll finally be able to get my head back to where it should have been all along, in my studies.
I just have to make it through til then.
Yeah, I realize, probably not the best thing to be posting this here. Just trying to work things out in my head.
The hardest part of this...that man laying in the other room? I love him more than I can put into words. I know the things he is dealing with, the things that are hurting him, and I can't do one single thing to help him.
Bill and I broke up a few weeks or so ago. But yet, we didn't. Make any sense? Yeah, doesn't to me, either.
We are still "dating", just not with the seriousness that we have had in the last year and a half or so.
It's about as clear as mud to me, so if none of you understand, don't feel too badly. Heh.
A few months ago, right after his father died, the day of his memorial, actually, things were very serious. Some things were said (as in a proposal, along with an expressed desire for me to move in with him), very serious things, that would have changed the course of our relationship drastically. However, because he was under the influence of quite a bit of alcohol, not to mention the stress, strain, shock, and obvious grief that was present the week his father was killed, I was adament about not telling anyone anything. Well, the next several days, tension became almost unbearable between us. Turns out, what was said wasn't really meant, as happens so frequently when alcohol is involved.
Skip to present day, things are clear as mud or worse when it comes to our relationship.
Over the course of the last year and a half, since we began dating, he has become my very best friend. I'm terrified of losing that, yet being around so constantly confuses everything that much more.
I keep thinking that when I move to Nacogdoches at the end of June/ beginning of July, things will get so much easier. I won't see him every day, won't be coming over here, etc etc. And maybe by moving to Nac I'll finally be able to get my head back to where it should have been all along, in my studies.
I just have to make it through til then.
Yeah, I realize, probably not the best thing to be posting this here. Just trying to work things out in my head.
The hardest part of this...that man laying in the other room? I love him more than I can put into words. I know the things he is dealing with, the things that are hurting him, and I can't do one single thing to help him.