Farscape [Aeryn POV, PG-13]
Pairing: Past-John/Aeryn
Spoilers: Set during Terra Firma. Spoilers for Icarus Abides though.
Summary: She's here but he's not.
~~
It was cooler outdoors by the pool.
"Well," Aeryn said to the silence. "I am here. And you are not."
The tears gathered swiftly when called. She had been ashamed to learn this trick of her body's, ashamed that they could flow so easily and take none of her pain with her. All that crying and the ache was as deep as it had ever been.
"I can see why you loved it," she said more softly to the evening breeze. "It is very beautiful," she whispered and watched the reflection of the moon in the clear water. She tried not to think of a rainy afternoon and two desperate, hungry people in a fantasy.
"I am finally here and I suppose you would call this fate too."
Part of her had believed that if she came here, he would be waiting for her. He was a remembered ghost on Valldon but his people believed that they went to another life. All this distance, all the twisted pathways John had brought them, and she had wanted desperately to see a second John at the end of, how did the Humans say it?, the rainbow. At the end of the wormhole, he should have been waiting for her. He should have been able to come home.
"We had such plans," she started but her voice cracked unexpectedly. "Your people want glory but you just wanted me. And Earth."
"I just wanted you," she said, shuddering. "I still want you."
Children need both parents, John had said on the Royal Planet. He hadn't said it to her, but she'd heard through D'argo. He'd been willing to stay behind even at the end. Always leaving her, always finding something bigger than just Them.
She stayed quiet, unwilling to breathe the word 'child' in this atmosphere, afraid it would be taken and twisted before she could explain to John, this John.
This John, that John. My side, your side.
"I have met your father. He was- is so proud of you. So happy to have you home. I want you to know that."
John had told her of ghosts on Talyn, but Aeryn hadn't needed him to. She remembered the quiet of death, the clarity that it brought, though her mind was muddled now. And she remembered Zhaan finding her, remembered Unity, and then the pain of first breath, how she cried out like a child against the burn in her chest.
If the Universe was kind, John's ghost would have come home. Aeryn knew better than that.
Let's do what we have to do here and then we'll go. Who had said it? She?
"Was that it?" she said, brushed angrily at her cheek. "Was it because we wanted too much?"
This John had stood on Moya's deck and begged. Anywhere in the universe, he'd said. You pick the planet. There is no home, Aeryn. There's only you. Begged and begged and she'd tossed a coin, tossed his words back in his face, and fled.
My John, your John. One for the universe, one for her. Someone had to pay the price for wormholes.
"I would never have left you," she told a memory, and cried when her lips met only air.
Spoilers: Set during Terra Firma. Spoilers for Icarus Abides though.
Summary: She's here but he's not.
~~
It was cooler outdoors by the pool.
"Well," Aeryn said to the silence. "I am here. And you are not."
The tears gathered swiftly when called. She had been ashamed to learn this trick of her body's, ashamed that they could flow so easily and take none of her pain with her. All that crying and the ache was as deep as it had ever been.
"I can see why you loved it," she said more softly to the evening breeze. "It is very beautiful," she whispered and watched the reflection of the moon in the clear water. She tried not to think of a rainy afternoon and two desperate, hungry people in a fantasy.
"I am finally here and I suppose you would call this fate too."
Part of her had believed that if she came here, he would be waiting for her. He was a remembered ghost on Valldon but his people believed that they went to another life. All this distance, all the twisted pathways John had brought them, and she had wanted desperately to see a second John at the end of, how did the Humans say it?, the rainbow. At the end of the wormhole, he should have been waiting for her. He should have been able to come home.
"We had such plans," she started but her voice cracked unexpectedly. "Your people want glory but you just wanted me. And Earth."
"I just wanted you," she said, shuddering. "I still want you."
Children need both parents, John had said on the Royal Planet. He hadn't said it to her, but she'd heard through D'argo. He'd been willing to stay behind even at the end. Always leaving her, always finding something bigger than just Them.
She stayed quiet, unwilling to breathe the word 'child' in this atmosphere, afraid it would be taken and twisted before she could explain to John, this John.
This John, that John. My side, your side.
"I have met your father. He was- is so proud of you. So happy to have you home. I want you to know that."
John had told her of ghosts on Talyn, but Aeryn hadn't needed him to. She remembered the quiet of death, the clarity that it brought, though her mind was muddled now. And she remembered Zhaan finding her, remembered Unity, and then the pain of first breath, how she cried out like a child against the burn in her chest.
If the Universe was kind, John's ghost would have come home. Aeryn knew better than that.
Let's do what we have to do here and then we'll go. Who had said it? She?
"Was that it?" she said, brushed angrily at her cheek. "Was it because we wanted too much?"
This John had stood on Moya's deck and begged. Anywhere in the universe, he'd said. You pick the planet. There is no home, Aeryn. There's only you. Begged and begged and she'd tossed a coin, tossed his words back in his face, and fled.
My John, your John. One for the universe, one for her. Someone had to pay the price for wormholes.
"I would never have left you," she told a memory, and cried when her lips met only air.