The Legends Of Zardi (stolen from Mugglenet -- all credit to the creators, please)
Kayla was on the Mugglenet Forum and found this post about someone named Zardi -- I thought it was rotfl worthy -- it's long, so I made a cut for anyone who wants to read it -- I HIGHLY recommend it.
Crop circles are Zardi's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Zardi out. It failed miserably.
Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Zardi has 72... and they're all poisonous.
When Zardi sends in her taxes, she sends blank forms and includes only a picture of herself, wand out and ready to attack. Zardi has not had to pay taxes, ever.
Zardi invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
Zardi can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Zardi allows to live.
What was going through the minds of all of Zardi's victims before they died? Her wand.
Police label anyone attacking Zardi as a Code 10-44.... a suicide.
Zardi doesn't churn butter. She crucios the cows and the butter comes straight out.
A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Zardi and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
If you spell 'Zardi' in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Zardi played in second grade.
Zardi once bet NASA she could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Zardi re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes her $20.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Zardi once swallowed a turtle whole, and when she crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
Zardi doesn't shower, she only takes blood baths.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Zardi could use to kill you, including the room itself.
According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the "Trail of Tears" has been redefined as anywhere that Zardi walks.
In honor of Zardi, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Zardisized.
Zardi CAN believe it's not butter.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Zardi has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
Zardi always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.
Zardi has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. She won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
Zardi has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.
Zardi grinds her coffee with her teeth and boils the water with her own rage.
You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Zardi will find you and kill you.
There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq; Zardi lives in Texas.
Zardi can touch MC Hammer.
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Zardi pajamas.
Zardi does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to Zardi because "The Sum of All Fears" is the name of Zardi's wand hand.
Zardi can slam a revolving door.
Zardi proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before her first space expedition.
Zardi doesn't play god. Playing is for children.
Zardi is the only person in the world that can actually email an Avada Kedavra.
Zardi can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
In an act of great philanthropy, Zardi made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. She donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research.
When J. Robert Oppenheimer said "I am become death, the destroyer Of worlds", He was not referring to the atomic bomb. He was referring to the Zardi halloween costume he was wearing.
Zardi recently had the idea to sell her urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
If at first you don't succeed, you're not Zardi.
Most boots are made for walkin'. Zardi's boots ain't that merciful.
Zardi was what Willis was talkin' about.
Google won't search for Zardi because it knows you don't find Zardi, she finds you.
Zardi destroyed the periodic table, because Zardi only recognizes the element of surprise.
Zardi is not allowed to play the lottery. It doesn't have enough balls.
Zardi is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
"Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Zardi calls the pile of dead ninjas in her front yard.
Zardi uses a night light. Not because Zardi is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Zardi.
Zardi once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
Zardi once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
+ 1,000 Chocolate Galleons by Azul - For making me fall off my chair, laughing
Crop circles are Zardi's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Zardi out. It failed miserably.
Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Zardi has 72... and they're all poisonous.
When Zardi sends in her taxes, she sends blank forms and includes only a picture of herself, wand out and ready to attack. Zardi has not had to pay taxes, ever.
Zardi invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
Zardi can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Zardi allows to live.
What was going through the minds of all of Zardi's victims before they died? Her wand.
Police label anyone attacking Zardi as a Code 10-44.... a suicide.
Zardi doesn't churn butter. She crucios the cows and the butter comes straight out.
A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Zardi and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
If you spell 'Zardi' in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Zardi played in second grade.
Zardi once bet NASA she could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Zardi re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes her $20.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Zardi once swallowed a turtle whole, and when she crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
Zardi doesn't shower, she only takes blood baths.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Zardi could use to kill you, including the room itself.
According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the "Trail of Tears" has been redefined as anywhere that Zardi walks.
In honor of Zardi, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Zardisized.
Zardi CAN believe it's not butter.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Zardi has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
Zardi always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.
Zardi has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. She won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
Zardi has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.
Zardi grinds her coffee with her teeth and boils the water with her own rage.
You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Zardi will find you and kill you.
There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq; Zardi lives in Texas.
Zardi can touch MC Hammer.
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Zardi pajamas.
Zardi does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to Zardi because "The Sum of All Fears" is the name of Zardi's wand hand.
Zardi can slam a revolving door.
Zardi proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before her first space expedition.
Zardi doesn't play god. Playing is for children.
Zardi is the only person in the world that can actually email an Avada Kedavra.
Zardi can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
In an act of great philanthropy, Zardi made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. She donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research.
When J. Robert Oppenheimer said "I am become death, the destroyer Of worlds", He was not referring to the atomic bomb. He was referring to the Zardi halloween costume he was wearing.
Zardi recently had the idea to sell her urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
If at first you don't succeed, you're not Zardi.
Most boots are made for walkin'. Zardi's boots ain't that merciful.
Zardi was what Willis was talkin' about.
Google won't search for Zardi because it knows you don't find Zardi, she finds you.
Zardi destroyed the periodic table, because Zardi only recognizes the element of surprise.
Zardi is not allowed to play the lottery. It doesn't have enough balls.
Zardi is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
"Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Zardi calls the pile of dead ninjas in her front yard.
Zardi uses a night light. Not because Zardi is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Zardi.
Zardi once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
Zardi once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
+ 1,000 Chocolate Galleons by Azul - For making me fall off my chair, laughing