Sometimes the Worst Ideas are the Best Kind
Basically, here's what happened.
Girl meets boy.
Girl likes boy.
Boy likes girl.
Boy's life is too complicated for a relationship.
Girl waits.
Boy kisses girl.
There appears to be a relationship in boy and girl's future.
Boy gets an awesome opportunity in Alabama.
Girl waits three months for an answer.
Boy gets accepted to said school in Alabama.
Girl is sad.
Boy is probably sad too.
Boy doesn't believe in long distance relationships.
Girl is insane and tries to convince boy anyway.
Boy still doesn't agree.
And this is where we are.
On top of that this week has just been a disaster. Not really. That was dramatic.
I went home for the weekend, and as expected it was just...sad. Like not in a sad boo hoo way but in a pathetic way. I wish I could say I enjoy going home but I don't. I feel like I have to go home and help my mom out, and I will when she needs it. But nothing I do is good enough.
Basically, my dad's been having health problems. He can barely walk, and when he does he needs a walker. He can't drive, though sometimes he sneaks out of the house to get gas for the van, I guess just to prove he can still do something.
My mom rolls her eyes at him five times a day. Even when he's done nothing wrong.
Then she asks me to vacuum but ends up redoing it anyway because I didn't do it well enough.
I drive everyone everywhere, I have a million chores to do, and you know what I'm not complaining.
But it really sucks when you go home to visit and by 8 o clock your mother is too drunk to have a decent conversation with. Or when you and your sister are still at the age where you can almost relate, but not quite yet, and you don't know what to do with her. At the end of the day you can't even go into your own room because your cousin lives in it now, which would be cool if he was even around all weekend.
Then there was retreat, and that was a three ringed circus from the very beginning. It was a pain to get there and I'm glad to have had Carolyn pick me up, because for some reason it's okay to drive my car from Orlando to Davie but not from Davie to Key Largo. Because the car is falling apart, the muffler has holes in it and the battery terminal is in pieces. It needs fixing but there's no money or dads to fix it at the moment.
Yet another reason why jumping into a long distance relationship is just an amazing idea but that is besides the point at this moment in time.
The campsite was built for rvs so instead of sand or grass we pitched a tent on rocks. Rocks. I kept getting left out of the bar hopping, even though I was told we'd stay in Key West for the night to do just that.
It was fun I guess. But I'm not glad I went.
Now we're losing the furniture. Because I was not supposed to be the only one paying for it. It was supposed to get split 3 ways, and when that fell through I figured 2 wasn't so bad. But no. Instead my roommate got a dog, and expected me to pay for all of it. I can lose it. It's not a big deal, one less thing to move when the time comes. I just feel like I failed. And I really hope Melissa's family doesn't think less of me. But we'll see how this goes when they show up to take it.
Also the living room is a fucking mess. I mean, so is my room, but that's my own damn fault and I hate it. I just had to dig the second side table out from behind boxes and bicycles. Why are there bicycles in the living room?
Right now I need something good in life. I'm not trying to whine, and I'm not trying to get people to feel sorry for me. But damn. After losing drum major, family troubles, money troubles and now losing the one really good thing that's come my way in like, ever it's just too much.
Too too much. There is nothing to look forward to. I don't want to go to marching band. Which is sad because the MKs have been my saving grace since I came to UCF. I don't want to look at the drum majors and be sad that I'm not one of them, and I don't want to look at the drum line and see someone missing.
The mellophones will save my life. I will be there for them. We will be great, and that is all the space I have for caring. I know that when the last night of Accolade comes and you can cut the MK love in the air with a knife I will be okay, and I will be glad to be there. Until then I can only dread the emotions I will find on the first day of band camp. And the second day. And every day after that.
I will get back to the gym, and I will start running. Maybe this summer I will finally get in shape so I can wear colored sports bras to band camp and maybe this summer I will finally be able to keep my room clean.
Maybe there is something good on the horizon and I just can't see it yet. It's frustrating to no end, but I guess I just have to trust that somehow and someway things will work out and I can actually be happy, and not the kind of happy you are when something distracts you for a few hours but goes away when you're alone.
Girl meets boy.
Girl likes boy.
Boy likes girl.
Boy's life is too complicated for a relationship.
Girl waits.
Boy kisses girl.
There appears to be a relationship in boy and girl's future.
Boy gets an awesome opportunity in Alabama.
Girl waits three months for an answer.
Boy gets accepted to said school in Alabama.
Girl is sad.
Boy is probably sad too.
Boy doesn't believe in long distance relationships.
Girl is insane and tries to convince boy anyway.
Boy still doesn't agree.
And this is where we are.
On top of that this week has just been a disaster. Not really. That was dramatic.
I went home for the weekend, and as expected it was just...sad. Like not in a sad boo hoo way but in a pathetic way. I wish I could say I enjoy going home but I don't. I feel like I have to go home and help my mom out, and I will when she needs it. But nothing I do is good enough.
Basically, my dad's been having health problems. He can barely walk, and when he does he needs a walker. He can't drive, though sometimes he sneaks out of the house to get gas for the van, I guess just to prove he can still do something.
My mom rolls her eyes at him five times a day. Even when he's done nothing wrong.
Then she asks me to vacuum but ends up redoing it anyway because I didn't do it well enough.
I drive everyone everywhere, I have a million chores to do, and you know what I'm not complaining.
But it really sucks when you go home to visit and by 8 o clock your mother is too drunk to have a decent conversation with. Or when you and your sister are still at the age where you can almost relate, but not quite yet, and you don't know what to do with her. At the end of the day you can't even go into your own room because your cousin lives in it now, which would be cool if he was even around all weekend.
Then there was retreat, and that was a three ringed circus from the very beginning. It was a pain to get there and I'm glad to have had Carolyn pick me up, because for some reason it's okay to drive my car from Orlando to Davie but not from Davie to Key Largo. Because the car is falling apart, the muffler has holes in it and the battery terminal is in pieces. It needs fixing but there's no money or dads to fix it at the moment.
Yet another reason why jumping into a long distance relationship is just an amazing idea but that is besides the point at this moment in time.
The campsite was built for rvs so instead of sand or grass we pitched a tent on rocks. Rocks. I kept getting left out of the bar hopping, even though I was told we'd stay in Key West for the night to do just that.
It was fun I guess. But I'm not glad I went.
Now we're losing the furniture. Because I was not supposed to be the only one paying for it. It was supposed to get split 3 ways, and when that fell through I figured 2 wasn't so bad. But no. Instead my roommate got a dog, and expected me to pay for all of it. I can lose it. It's not a big deal, one less thing to move when the time comes. I just feel like I failed. And I really hope Melissa's family doesn't think less of me. But we'll see how this goes when they show up to take it.
Also the living room is a fucking mess. I mean, so is my room, but that's my own damn fault and I hate it. I just had to dig the second side table out from behind boxes and bicycles. Why are there bicycles in the living room?
Right now I need something good in life. I'm not trying to whine, and I'm not trying to get people to feel sorry for me. But damn. After losing drum major, family troubles, money troubles and now losing the one really good thing that's come my way in like, ever it's just too much.
Too too much. There is nothing to look forward to. I don't want to go to marching band. Which is sad because the MKs have been my saving grace since I came to UCF. I don't want to look at the drum majors and be sad that I'm not one of them, and I don't want to look at the drum line and see someone missing.
The mellophones will save my life. I will be there for them. We will be great, and that is all the space I have for caring. I know that when the last night of Accolade comes and you can cut the MK love in the air with a knife I will be okay, and I will be glad to be there. Until then I can only dread the emotions I will find on the first day of band camp. And the second day. And every day after that.
I will get back to the gym, and I will start running. Maybe this summer I will finally get in shape so I can wear colored sports bras to band camp and maybe this summer I will finally be able to keep my room clean.
Maybe there is something good on the horizon and I just can't see it yet. It's frustrating to no end, but I guess I just have to trust that somehow and someway things will work out and I can actually be happy, and not the kind of happy you are when something distracts you for a few hours but goes away when you're alone.