(no subject)
senior year. has been a definite ride. to say the least.
everything happens for a reason. although im still waiting for one.
i learned that you should never ever say. nothing could possibly get any worse.
because it can and it will.
i learned that first hand.
i have serious issues. with myself and the world.
im dealing that first hand.
studys show the best social workers or school pyschologists are the ones. who have past struggles and experiences in their life to relate to.
and i most defiently have plenty of obstacles and stuggles. that i have and STILL. going through.
that is why i want to choose a job in that career choice.
nothing has gone the way i wanted it to this year at all.
at the end of junior year i was so stoked for the summer to begin and then to finally become a senior.
i thought. the summer would be great i would have my liscence my best friends, and the boy i liked on my side.
none of that was true however.
i learned that in life you HAVE TO make descions and sometimes. people are thrown out of your life for a reason and trying to put them back into your life. can turn into a big chemical bust. not only did i lose the chances with someone else. but i lost a friend along the way.
this summer was a changing experience.
however instead of growing up. it waslike i was taking a step back.
and it was defiently not worth it.
having fun neseccarily does not mean. going out. and partying with your friends.
having fun means. laughing, feeling free and alive.
having fun can be anything..
however when you involve illegal substances it is no longer fun.
it impacts your life. whether you like it or not.
sometimes it may give you labels not are not nessacrily true.
but people judge you by them.
loosing friendships over peoples "careless descions" is not worth it.
nor is risking. your healthh
im learning that the hard way.
the last few weeks. i have seriuosly felt like giving up.
like there was no reason for me. to be here.
what was the point in me living?
i had no friends, my family was dissapointed in me, i had no job, no car, no faith.
today i still feel liek that.
however i know that my family will always be by my side no matter what and so will god.
god is giving me all these obstacles because he knows i can handle them.
even though everything right now keeps getting worse and worse. i know eventually it will have to get bettter.
but right now i just feel like a big dissapointment to myself.
i let other peoples instincts take over my own judgement.
and in return ended up in trouble.
while the other person was let freee.
and doesnt even care.
i need to truly find myself.
and who i am.
ineed guidance.
i need god.
i need a helping hand.
i need a best friend.
i need stability.