(no subject)
wow so it's been... a while haha. yeah so im just gonna complain haha so feel free to like stop reading at any time. so im back at school and it completely fucking blows. not only did i fail like every class i was in last semester so im fucked and on the brink of being kicked out of the film program. but im lonely haha. the sara(h)s are on internship *pout* so its jsut me and the roommate i dont talk to. i could prolly go over shaynes more often, or go to cedar house to see my sorority girls like i kept saying i would last semester im sure thatd make chels and company happy. but idk. w/e i did feel kinda loved last night cause i went home becausei was jsut done with everythign after two days and around midnight i got a phone call and when i looked at my phone it said kat but it was lucie and she was all like erin where are you and why are you not here? so i guess im kind of just expected to be there which feels pretty good in a way haha.
im starting to hate fitchburg though. liek when heather and i were together she was always there and i never had to be lonely and then when... yeah i had edye and cait and maria and marissa and company so i was never really alone i mean i was at times but it wasnt that bad and last semester i had the sara(h)s and richie and people but idk. the sara(h)s are on intershipand i feel wierd being with richie without sara. so yeah lonely anf hating fitchburg. BUT at home in not so lonely and miserable anymore so thats a def plus.
theres this girl. she reminds me of heather sometimes, like so much so its liek who the fuck are you haha. but thats not why i like her at all. its how different she is at the same time. its kinda freaky cause they have like the same car. cept hers is a 98 and red. haha weird. any way i hang out with her a lot and its always a blast. but im getting in trouble with mom cause i come home at like gee idk 4:30 in the morning oops sorry mom. haha. shes younger than me which is a first but shes not that much younger and shes pretty mature so its ok.
so somethign is happenign i dont know exactly what or how to explain it. it has nothing to do with this girl or heather or school or anyhtign idk. i think ive just finally had enough. enough of being hurt enough of being used taken for granted treated like shit jsut enough. so im done with heather and her bullshit the whoel you know how much i lvoed you and your my best friend shit yeah well if you loved me as much as you claim then you wouldnt have done all this shit and if i was your best friend and you dont want to lose me as such maybe you shouldne have been such a fucking DOUCHEBAG to me. im sick of letting you hurt me and forgive you because hey i actualy do love you and because i feel bad that you only have one person cause i know what that feels like but i just dont want to feel liek shit anymore so have vun in the fucking navy if you really need me ill be there because unfortunatly i cant just abandon like you seem so ready to do to me. thanks for not showing up TWICE by the way. but im done. you no how to reach me if you really need me ut unless its really important dont bother. wow
emily is being a flake lately and im jsut like wtf is your problem?! so im kindas done with her. im jsut gonna not talk to her for a few weeks and then be like are you ready to stop being a flake now? haha but yeah
ummmm so i hang out with a lot of people from work now. which is kewl cause i always had this feeling that no one there liked me and they just acted like they did cause well my moms a boss. she got promoted btw so now shes the 03 but yeah so i didnt think they liked me much and that might be the case for some people ut not others. i actually got invited to mikes saturday ngiht i might just have a drink or two and leave around one cause i have to work at 9am sunday booo. haha. i wasnt gonna go but i was told that i have to so i could spend some time with someone. haha.
so yeah idk what else to say other than life is still REALLY shitty specially since im like over 2000 dolalrs in debt with my parents cause they paid for my car repairs and paid off my debt. but idk i get this feeling like things may finally be getting better i hope. idk. my birthday is gonna suck. i mean my friends are all way more excited about it than i am. and i have good reason to be kinda of reserved abont it but yeah idk. i keep thinking if i could go forward in time enough just to see that everythign was going to be ok. just know that one day things are gonna be alright and im gonna be ok and happy again then id be able to get through this shit so i guess this is me saying somehow things are going to be ok again. idk when but somehow its gotta happen. yeah haha so yeah ha im gonna go finish baking cookies "sweets for my sweet" haha im such a freak. mom wants cookies so im making them for her ill give a couple to someone else though.
im starting to hate fitchburg though. liek when heather and i were together she was always there and i never had to be lonely and then when... yeah i had edye and cait and maria and marissa and company so i was never really alone i mean i was at times but it wasnt that bad and last semester i had the sara(h)s and richie and people but idk. the sara(h)s are on intershipand i feel wierd being with richie without sara. so yeah lonely anf hating fitchburg. BUT at home in not so lonely and miserable anymore so thats a def plus.
theres this girl. she reminds me of heather sometimes, like so much so its liek who the fuck are you haha. but thats not why i like her at all. its how different she is at the same time. its kinda freaky cause they have like the same car. cept hers is a 98 and red. haha weird. any way i hang out with her a lot and its always a blast. but im getting in trouble with mom cause i come home at like gee idk 4:30 in the morning oops sorry mom. haha. shes younger than me which is a first but shes not that much younger and shes pretty mature so its ok.
so somethign is happenign i dont know exactly what or how to explain it. it has nothing to do with this girl or heather or school or anyhtign idk. i think ive just finally had enough. enough of being hurt enough of being used taken for granted treated like shit jsut enough. so im done with heather and her bullshit the whoel you know how much i lvoed you and your my best friend shit yeah well if you loved me as much as you claim then you wouldnt have done all this shit and if i was your best friend and you dont want to lose me as such maybe you shouldne have been such a fucking DOUCHEBAG to me. im sick of letting you hurt me and forgive you because hey i actualy do love you and because i feel bad that you only have one person cause i know what that feels like but i just dont want to feel liek shit anymore so have vun in the fucking navy if you really need me ill be there because unfortunatly i cant just abandon like you seem so ready to do to me. thanks for not showing up TWICE by the way. but im done. you no how to reach me if you really need me ut unless its really important dont bother. wow
emily is being a flake lately and im jsut like wtf is your problem?! so im kindas done with her. im jsut gonna not talk to her for a few weeks and then be like are you ready to stop being a flake now? haha but yeah
ummmm so i hang out with a lot of people from work now. which is kewl cause i always had this feeling that no one there liked me and they just acted like they did cause well my moms a boss. she got promoted btw so now shes the 03 but yeah so i didnt think they liked me much and that might be the case for some people ut not others. i actually got invited to mikes saturday ngiht i might just have a drink or two and leave around one cause i have to work at 9am sunday booo. haha. i wasnt gonna go but i was told that i have to so i could spend some time with someone. haha.
so yeah idk what else to say other than life is still REALLY shitty specially since im like over 2000 dolalrs in debt with my parents cause they paid for my car repairs and paid off my debt. but idk i get this feeling like things may finally be getting better i hope. idk. my birthday is gonna suck. i mean my friends are all way more excited about it than i am. and i have good reason to be kinda of reserved abont it but yeah idk. i keep thinking if i could go forward in time enough just to see that everythign was going to be ok. just know that one day things are gonna be alright and im gonna be ok and happy again then id be able to get through this shit so i guess this is me saying somehow things are going to be ok again. idk when but somehow its gotta happen. yeah haha so yeah ha im gonna go finish baking cookies "sweets for my sweet" haha im such a freak. mom wants cookies so im making them for her ill give a couple to someone else though.