Walking the valley of pain
Right now the attitude I assume is that of retreat from stress to gather inner strength in this time of tranquility in the midst of my great struggle. My underlying thoughts and feelings are very trying right now as I am constantly seeking to master myself and balance the opposing forces inside me. But right now my attitude is evolving and will continue to evolve until I fully assume the attitude of strength. Now becomes more of a pause in my current struggle to ready myself, rallying my forces in preparation for final onslaught of trials and tribulations. My will is being steeled to stand or fall. Others are perceiving my attitude as disappointed and sad little goth girl.
As I ask the universe to help guide me to where I need to be, I am told that I should be preparing for extreme life changes that perhaps lead to a new lifestyle and enlightenment. It almost seems like I shall become a beggar by month's end.
The universe almost seems to send me messages to hold on through the storm because the aftermath brings the sun and flowers. . .. so to speak. My life as I know it must be utterly destroyed for the death of me to finally be cast down into the black abyss forever so that I may finally find the capabilities to enjoy my life.
Dreams have come and gone and shown me a world of zombies and my horror to turn into one until I found myself in my secret garden, living in an expensive house and a man kissed me and melted that all away. Blank glazed over eyes view the world with a sort of hostile boredom but it wasn't always this way.
Yet still I always pray for night to come. I wait for the sun to die and everyone to go away when everything is cool and quiet and doesn't hurt anymore. Within me used to be the spirit of a child golden and sweet with knowledge beyond years but I couldn't protect her and inevitably she knew she must die. Oh happy Death unto her I did not want to see gone from the weary arms of the Age's Warrior with nothing left to lose. Spend a whole life hurting inside and it makes you tired and wondering what it's all worth.
What is the meaning of life if we are merely born to die? Why does the world hold no colours for me save in music and dreams. The only happiness I can ever remember felt like velvet ice cream washing over me on a hot day from the sweet smoke I take into myself everyday. Even this lonely happiness of mine so treasured is constantly threatened to be taken away from me because it is the flow of things in this society of ours. Any little crumbs of hope and happiness must be inevitably smashed out of us along with any traces of imagination and self identity so we can all be the same, united by our mutual death.
I feel like I'm finding myself again and everybody wants to fuck that up. I'm tired of giving things up that make me happy just to make money. it's not that money does'nt make us happy, it's that the process of making money kills us. Why should I trade my soul for Apathy and a few numbers? Why can't the world just accept us for being who we are without trying to kill what little is left beautifull inside the spirit of man. I know there are many others just like me out there hidden away and secretly hoping through the years as we fade and remain.
As I ask the universe to help guide me to where I need to be, I am told that I should be preparing for extreme life changes that perhaps lead to a new lifestyle and enlightenment. It almost seems like I shall become a beggar by month's end.
The universe almost seems to send me messages to hold on through the storm because the aftermath brings the sun and flowers. . .. so to speak. My life as I know it must be utterly destroyed for the death of me to finally be cast down into the black abyss forever so that I may finally find the capabilities to enjoy my life.
Dreams have come and gone and shown me a world of zombies and my horror to turn into one until I found myself in my secret garden, living in an expensive house and a man kissed me and melted that all away. Blank glazed over eyes view the world with a sort of hostile boredom but it wasn't always this way.
Yet still I always pray for night to come. I wait for the sun to die and everyone to go away when everything is cool and quiet and doesn't hurt anymore. Within me used to be the spirit of a child golden and sweet with knowledge beyond years but I couldn't protect her and inevitably she knew she must die. Oh happy Death unto her I did not want to see gone from the weary arms of the Age's Warrior with nothing left to lose. Spend a whole life hurting inside and it makes you tired and wondering what it's all worth.
What is the meaning of life if we are merely born to die? Why does the world hold no colours for me save in music and dreams. The only happiness I can ever remember felt like velvet ice cream washing over me on a hot day from the sweet smoke I take into myself everyday. Even this lonely happiness of mine so treasured is constantly threatened to be taken away from me because it is the flow of things in this society of ours. Any little crumbs of hope and happiness must be inevitably smashed out of us along with any traces of imagination and self identity so we can all be the same, united by our mutual death.
I feel like I'm finding myself again and everybody wants to fuck that up. I'm tired of giving things up that make me happy just to make money. it's not that money does'nt make us happy, it's that the process of making money kills us. Why should I trade my soul for Apathy and a few numbers? Why can't the world just accept us for being who we are without trying to kill what little is left beautifull inside the spirit of man. I know there are many others just like me out there hidden away and secretly hoping through the years as we fade and remain.