Sucky Monday
Today really blew.
First, my boss told me her last day is Friday. Shitshitshit. For the first time in 7 years, I was finally working for somebody I respected and admired and she can't stick around. I don't blame her. I'd be frustrated in her position: she's gotten next to no direction from the head of the agency on what's wanted or needed in that new position, and the stuff she has done on her own initiative hasn't gotten a rise out of the head bosslady either. On top of that, she's in week 40-something of a 60+ week chemo tx for HepC and it makes her regularly sick enough she can't come in to work. So, yeah...I guess if I were in her position and didn't *have* to work, I'd quit, too.
If that weren't enough, there was a flame war started by somebody whose work we refused to do last week. This person has a bad habit of trying to get everyone else to do his work, but he's really passive-aggressive about it: he won't out and out ask for what he wants, but he tries to manipulate people into "just doing it" --offering to take care of it because it is so painful to NOT help him. My boss didn't take the bait and, as a result, he launched a retaliatory attack this morning, trying to draw us into a "who-shot-john" about editorial/authorial ownership and responsibility (blahblahblah). Even though I was in on the email thread, I didn't respond to any of it, figuring at least the boss is here this week to handle it. And, luckily, I had to be out of the office most of the middle of the day.
Both parents had back-to-back hematologist/oncologist appointments today. Mom's hearing is so bad now that even her hearing aids don't help much; I go with her to ask and answer questions, take notes and instructions, and to keep her honest. Same with Dad...except his hearing is fine...he needs help with the "honest" part. Both come from a generation that tends to want to "not bother the doctor" and therefore omit or minimize symptoms, problems, etc. I'm there to nudge, remind, explain, and otherwise make sure there's a smooth and free-flowing exchange of information...sort of a health care advocate kinda thing. Mom will get another CT scan in the next couple of weeks or so. Then there'll be a prognosis for how long she has before the metasteses become a problem and/or she dies. The doctor, a nice Japanese man, commented to me and Mom that we are so calm and matter-of-fact about her cancer recurrance and her refusal to have further treatment. He said it is not usual and that our handling of it is certainly not what he's used to and not "American" for that matter. We laughed, explaining that from an early age, our parents had been very straight forward with us about death and dying, and have always been clear about the importance of quality of life over life-prolonging (but in the end useless) treatment or "heroic measures". Of course I am not happy that this cancer will take my mother's life. But it is, in the end, HER life to live (and end) as SHE sees fit. She did the chemo thing and she doesn't want to do it again to buy another x number of months. She has three masses (at least). I respect her right to decide to NOT degrade her quality of life by taking more chemo"therapy" now.
This was Dad's first visit to the nice Japanese doctor. He was referred because his white count is way low. It's been that way for a while. No telling what the reason is. There will be more blood tests; he refuses to have either a prostate exam or a colonoscopy. If the blood tests are inconclusive, there will be a bone marrow test. I'm betting that's as far as it will go. He's 83 and also not inclined to do anything to prolong his life if it degrades his quality of living now. So mostly I am there as witness and to facilitate.
Yes, it's a little depressing contemplating losing my parents. Sucky day, like I said. But it's bound to happen sooner or later. As somebody -- Tom Petty, I think--sang, "The waiting is the hardest part." I know he was talking about something else entirely, but love and death aren't as far apart as one might think. The waiting is always the hardest part.
First, my boss told me her last day is Friday. Shitshitshit. For the first time in 7 years, I was finally working for somebody I respected and admired and she can't stick around. I don't blame her. I'd be frustrated in her position: she's gotten next to no direction from the head of the agency on what's wanted or needed in that new position, and the stuff she has done on her own initiative hasn't gotten a rise out of the head bosslady either. On top of that, she's in week 40-something of a 60+ week chemo tx for HepC and it makes her regularly sick enough she can't come in to work. So, yeah...I guess if I were in her position and didn't *have* to work, I'd quit, too.
If that weren't enough, there was a flame war started by somebody whose work we refused to do last week. This person has a bad habit of trying to get everyone else to do his work, but he's really passive-aggressive about it: he won't out and out ask for what he wants, but he tries to manipulate people into "just doing it" --offering to take care of it because it is so painful to NOT help him. My boss didn't take the bait and, as a result, he launched a retaliatory attack this morning, trying to draw us into a "who-shot-john" about editorial/authorial ownership and responsibility (blahblahblah). Even though I was in on the email thread, I didn't respond to any of it, figuring at least the boss is here this week to handle it. And, luckily, I had to be out of the office most of the middle of the day.
Both parents had back-to-back hematologist/oncologist appointments today. Mom's hearing is so bad now that even her hearing aids don't help much; I go with her to ask and answer questions, take notes and instructions, and to keep her honest. Same with Dad...except his hearing is fine...he needs help with the "honest" part. Both come from a generation that tends to want to "not bother the doctor" and therefore omit or minimize symptoms, problems, etc. I'm there to nudge, remind, explain, and otherwise make sure there's a smooth and free-flowing exchange of information...sort of a health care advocate kinda thing. Mom will get another CT scan in the next couple of weeks or so. Then there'll be a prognosis for how long she has before the metasteses become a problem and/or she dies. The doctor, a nice Japanese man, commented to me and Mom that we are so calm and matter-of-fact about her cancer recurrance and her refusal to have further treatment. He said it is not usual and that our handling of it is certainly not what he's used to and not "American" for that matter. We laughed, explaining that from an early age, our parents had been very straight forward with us about death and dying, and have always been clear about the importance of quality of life over life-prolonging (but in the end useless) treatment or "heroic measures". Of course I am not happy that this cancer will take my mother's life. But it is, in the end, HER life to live (and end) as SHE sees fit. She did the chemo thing and she doesn't want to do it again to buy another x number of months. She has three masses (at least). I respect her right to decide to NOT degrade her quality of life by taking more chemo"therapy" now.
This was Dad's first visit to the nice Japanese doctor. He was referred because his white count is way low. It's been that way for a while. No telling what the reason is. There will be more blood tests; he refuses to have either a prostate exam or a colonoscopy. If the blood tests are inconclusive, there will be a bone marrow test. I'm betting that's as far as it will go. He's 83 and also not inclined to do anything to prolong his life if it degrades his quality of living now. So mostly I am there as witness and to facilitate.
Yes, it's a little depressing contemplating losing my parents. Sucky day, like I said. But it's bound to happen sooner or later. As somebody -- Tom Petty, I think--sang, "The waiting is the hardest part." I know he was talking about something else entirely, but love and death aren't as far apart as one might think. The waiting is always the hardest part.