I don't understand.

[darajane]

I don't understand how people are so mean. You can't ever tell who to trust. I'm hurt all over and I'm tired of exhausting myself and using up my time on other people who leave me and lie to me. I don't trust anyone. I'm afraid Molly's going to leave me. And Brandon. They are the only friends I have and I feel hollow. I don't even want a boyfriend I just want people around me that love me. I don't want to feel guilty and rejected and mistreated and used anymore. I can't help it. It's all I feel and I'm not happy. Everyone is so damn fake and I can't stand it. I guess I lost Dennis because I called him on his bullshit. Who wants some one like that. How could I let myself be fucked by these wretched, self-serving liars? Then have people tell me I'm a goddamn whore for letting it happen. I wanted Adam to fuck me. Yes, that's why I cried and pushed him off and he didn't finish. But sheldon believes his fucking WHORE of an ex-girlfriend when she got "raped". She's fucked three times the people I have (that may not be true). What is wrong with the world? Through all the bullshit I still try and give. Fuck trying to be sheldon's friend. Fuck Dennis and his "your jealous" since you know I always wanted a jackass. That's why I turned him down the two times he asked me out. Fuck Phil's lies and the girl that supposedly wants to kick my ass. Fuck Ben and his "I'm not ready for a relationship, let's fuck". Fuck Candice the self-righteous whore. Fuck Scott for making up reasons to not see me and for be a child at work since I'm an MIT now. Fuck steve for talking shit after comforting me to my face. Fuck Mandi for being a lying bitch who screwed my boss over. She can't do anyone's fucking make-up either. Fuck Jerrami for dropping me after my effort to ammend myself (for something that isn't anybody's fault). Fuck everyone for using my kindness, my money and 'other things'.

Brandon, Molly, you are my only close friends and I love you both.