awkwardness to the max
yeah so the awkwardness is still there.. i'm not really liking it. i dont know why it is there. mayb its because i still dont know why its over in the first place. idk.. ill never know i guess. i mean even when we talk online i can feel this awkwardness.. then when i talk to other guys i just feel awful. like today i was talking to tyshawn and i felt terrible then like when i'm online and talk to people like keith and whatnot i feel weird and yeah. then the smart kid next to me in chemistry's name is james and i always cheat off him and he always gets called on and i just wish that wasnt his name. it would make life a little easier.. and then like people who i dont talk to that often keep asking me questions about him..
like today todd was like.. hows your little boy toy?? and i was like were not going out anymore.. and then he asked why and i had to say i didnt really know and then he was like.. was it because he found out u were cheating on him with tyshawn. i was just like NO.
yup so then like other than major awkwardness, in kennel we learned how dogs eat grass and its really not that bad for them.. i mean my dog loves GRASS.. i love grass too.. but thats not important.haHA.
so now that its gone im gonna move on
and let these feelings disolve. no matter how much
i like them. i cant keep doing this to myself. its not right
detention was so gay. two more of those bitches and hoes... dylan got out for like a minute to go fill up his water bottle then he got out for over five to go take a shit because he had diarea.
if you have been feeling depressed, remember that no matter how overwhelming the problems in your life may seem, suicide is never a solution. It is vital that you talk about your feelings to a person you trust. Together you will be able to find solutions that you may not have thought of on your own. No matter how isolated you may feel, you do not have to deal with your problems alone. No matter how hopeless you feel your situation is, there are positive steps that you can take. maybe they just dont realize that the one person i would turn to when i being to start having these feelings again, just broke my heart. i started to be able to control those feelings so much better when i was actually happy. but then they all came flooding back to me like a breaking down damn. i think about the good times we did have together.. the phone calls.. text messaging.. my houses.. the field.. the leaves.. the minivan outside rosners.. all the places all the things.. then i think about the dog show. how i could tell something was wrong and thought there was nothing i could do. it was the worst feeling ever. just thinking of a way to fix it even though it was still together. we both had to know it was comming.. just one seemed to be ripping the thread while the other was trying to sew it back together.