Love Complex, part 5
Title: Love Complex
Fandom/Pairing: Harry Potter, HPDM
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Some halfhearted Harry/Ron, some Ron-bashing, Gryffindor!fan girls, boys crying, fake relationship!cliche in abundance.
Summary: Pre-HBP AU-post Voldemort. Harry has been in love with Ron for years, but Ron's being an idiot about it. Draco offers to help him out. 32,000 words total.
V.
Ron seemed to take it for granted that they were officially dating. This irked Harry sort of, but he ignored that. Ron was right. Dating Ron was exactly what he wanted, exactly what he'd been trying to get for years and it would be stupid to not take it now.
He hardly slept that night and he was awake again at five that morning. He knew he had to tell Draco that their plan had worked, that he was about to start his life with Ron, before he found out some other way and he got up and hurried down the cold stone halls to the Slytherin dormitory. Oh, how he didn't want to do this. It felt like breaking up with Draco and of course that wasn't what he was doing. They were never dating. And Draco knew that and he wouldn't think of it as breaking up, either. But even as Harry rationalized this again and again, oh, how he still didn't want to do it.
Draco's door opened silently and he was still deeply asleep in bed as Harry walked in the room. He smiled. Draco looked like an angel - well, an angel who'd gotten in a little squabble - all pearly, pale beauty against rumbled white sheets, a little pout on his lips.
Harry felt the urge to crawl into bed with him and kiss that pout and feel warm skin against his, so cold without a robe or slippers, felt the urge through his entire body and when he remembered why he'd come, that he couldn't ever do that again, Harry pulled his arms around himself and pressed against the wall.
With a little moan, Draco woke up and stretched and opened his eyes and smiled at the sight of Harry.
"Harry," he said and his voice was sexy, sleep-roughened. "Come to wish me good morning?" His blinked and seemed to register how Harry looked for the first time, sitting up.
"Harry! What's wrong with you, baby?" The endearment was a knife in Harry's chest.
He shook his head and tightened his hold on himself. "Nothing. Nothing. Ron told me he's in love with me last night."
Draco's face went slack and he looked away. "Oh, Harry." He smiled. "That's wonderful. I'm so happy for you."
"Yeah. I'm happy too."
"So, do you think we need a big messy break-up today?" Draco got up - and oh, he wasn't wearing pyjamas. The casual nakedness, the swings of his cock, the little clenches of his arse as he moved to his wardrobe, each made Harry feel worse and worse.
"No," he said. He cleared his throat. "Ron can be really jealous. It'd be better to say our dating was nothing."
"Nothing."
The pain in Draco's voice struck Harry and ripped him across the room, the need to hold Draco, comfort him, overpowering. He just stopped himself, barely a foot away from him, but he couldn't stop the words: "It wasn't nothing! Of course it wasn't nothing."
Draco turned and finally looked at him again. "We're still friends, then?"
"Yeah, of course. I need you, remember?" They shared a smile and went to hug, but Draco's nakedness was realized by both at once and they jumped away from each other.
Harry went to Draco's bed and sat down to wait while Draco pulled on some pants. Draco sat down next to him. They talked until seven, and although Harry had to stop himself from touching Draco, stop himself from staring at Draco's bare chest, stop himself from giving suggestive comments far more than once, Harry was sure these things would stop eventually. They were natural friends and it seemed that this would work out perfectly.
However, when Harry told him an abridged version of these events at breakfast, Ron couldn't understand Harry still wanting to be friends with Draco.
"You were dating him, Harry," he said and stabbed his toast to reinforce his sentiment. A blob of jam flew across the table. "You had sex. Can't you understand that I don't want you around him? I can't imagine he really wants to be your friend, anyway. He just wants to win you back."
"He's been a great friend, Ron," Harry said, petting the back of Ron's neck. "He's my best-"
"What?"
Right. Harry noted to himself that he could never, ever tell Ron that someone else was his best mate. Not even Hermione, but most certainly not Draco.
"He's a great guy. You'd like him. We could all be friends, if you'd just get to know him."
Ron shook his head. "I don't want to get to know him. I guess I can be grateful that he showed me what I was missing, but otherwise he's just a bastard. I don't want to be his friend and I don't want you to be his friend, either. Alright?" Ron took a bite of food and looked to his other side, apparently assuming all of that was settled and he'd see what Seamus was up to. Harry hit the table with his fist.
"No, Ron, it's not-"
"You don't want to hurt me, do you, Harry?"
Harry had nothing to say to that. No, of course he didn't want to hurt Ron. But he really didn't want to hurt Draco either. He told Ron that and Ron said, "Well then. Would you rather hurt him or me?"
Hermione, who had been avidly listening to this conversation along with most of the Gryffindor table, slapped Ron's arm and said, "Ron! That was awful. Don't make Harry choose!"
"I'm sorry Hermione, but I have to. I hate it, Harry. I hate him. It's him or me." Ron was pointing across the room to Draco at the Slytherin table. Harry's gaze followed Ron's finger and saw Draco watching them, his eyes wide and worried.
Harry realized, his stomach rapidly squeezing itself into a painful ball, that he was right to be worried. He looked at his untouched plate of food. There was nothing for him to say but, "Well, you of course. I'll-I'll tell him-"
"Now. Go tell him now."
Harry looked back at Draco who looked like he was going to be sick. "Now?"
"No time like the present."
"Nullus tempus temporis par donum," Harry said absently and got up absently too, as if he couldn't help himself, as if his brain was detached, not watching it all happen, as he'd heard described before, but in a corner, squeezing its ears and eyes shut.
Once he was standing behind Draco, he started to say, "So-"
"Don't," Draco said. "I already know. We're not friends. It was nothing, is nothing. Right."
His mind rushed back into his body just in time to stop his hand from touching Draco. But then he was forced to realize what he was doing. He was breaking all contact with Draco forever. He wanted to run away, wanted to go punch Ron who was now laughing across the silent Hall, wanted to take Draco in his arms and tell him he was wrong, but he couldn't make himself move. Then Draco started to cry and Harry started to tremble.
Crabbe gave quick, desperate looks between Harry and Draco, apparently trying to deceiver why Draco was upset and why Harry wasn't fixing it. Finally, it seemed, he understood and his gaze settled darkly on Harry. "You're going to go. And we are so not cool."
Harry looked around the Slytherins, who were all now glaring at him. One tear dripped down his face and then another. He started backing up. The Slytherins moved their glares to Ron then, or perhaps the Gryffindor table in general, and a few boys stood up. The next thing he knew he was running and then he was falling and then he was sitting against a wall, trying to breathe.
Arms came around him and he thought did Draco... but it wasn't Draco, he realized right away, it was Ron. Harry still took the desperately needed comfort.
"You did the right thing, Harry."
Yes. This was still good. It had to be.
//
With Seamus, sitting around in their bedroom.
"Can I borrow a quill?"
"Sure. In the drawer in the bedside table."
"Thanks. What's this?"
"That's a handkerchief."
"I can see that, mate. You might wash it." But Harry couldn't wash it. If he did, it wouldn't smell like caramel corn any longer.
//
Harry and Ron were on Ron's bed together late one night a couple of weeks later. They'd just finished their first try at reciprocal blowjobs in the sixty-nine position (Harry did not think about any other sex he'd had this way or any other person or any other bed. He didn't.) Now they were talking quietly, relaxing against one another while Ron traced his finger over Harry's chest. This actually sort of tickled and, actually, Ron was not very good at blowjobs yet, but that was okay. They had their whole lives to perfect their techniques together.
"Ron," he said. "What made you finally decide to approach me?"
"Ginny. Absolutely Ginny. She badgered me all of Christmas holiday, 'What do you think of Harry and Draco?' 'Don't you like Harry anymore?' 'Why can't you keep a girlfriend?' 'You know you've been acting really jealous, actually.' It was ridiculous. Every spare moment. Mum was furious with her all the time, bringing it up." Ron laughed and kissed Harry's neck, very lightly. This tickled too. But, certainly Ron would learn to use a little force eventually.
Harry was a little disappointed in Ron's answer. He'd hoped-for something, but it didn't matter. Ginny had always been a clever girl, anyway. "How's your mum feel about this?"
"Oh she won't-what I mean is, she doesn't know. And I don't see that she really has to. I mean, we'd have been living as roommates after Hogwarts, anyway-well, we would have been if it hadn't been for Malfoy, and so she wouldn't see anything-"
Harry pulled himself out of Ron's arms and sat up. "You won't come out to your mum is what you're saying."
"It seems a little unnecessary, that's all." When Harry turned and looked, Ron was pouting.
"Well, it is necessary, Ron. She's your mother and I want her blessing."
"But you won't get it! She won't-Dad won't, my brothers won't get the difference between little pansy faggot arse-fucking and what we-"
"Ron! There is no difference between little pansy faggots and us. We're all gay. We're all faggots. We are the gay community."
"Gay, sure, whatever. But we'll be monogamous, won't we? And queers can't do that-I'm certain Malfoy couldn't do that and we don't wear purple or pink or anything like those stupid shoes Malfoy-did you see them?" Ron gave a great snort and tried to pull Harry back down into his arms. Harry did his best to only glare at the curtains in front of him and not turn it to Ron. "There's a world of difference, Harry."
"Some boys love reading books and some boys love playing Quidditch, but they're still all boys."
"Whatever. The point is, Mum won't understand this and I'll never see my parents again."
"I won't live a lie," Harry said clearly. The irony kicked him in the head. Harry rubbed his eyes.
Ron was quiet for a long time, but he finally said, "Fine. I'll write them tomorrow. But understand that you're making me lose my family."
Harry grinned and jumped on top of Ron. "I'm sure you're overreacting. Tell them you want us to have tea with them at Hogsmeade on Saturday."
A twitch in Ron's eyebrow, but he smiled and pressed Harry close to him. "Are you excited for your first time?"
He could feel every muscle stiffen. "What?"
"Anal intercourse, Harry," Ron chuckled and ran his fingers, in that light, tickling way, down Harry's arse. "It's the next step. Mmm, being inside you... are you excited for your first time?"
Harry cleared his throat and then cleared it again. "Actually. Actually, Draco and I-"
This time he could feel every one of Ron's muscles stiffen. "What?"
"We-"
"You fucked. You fucked that little bastard?"
"Yes, I fucked him."
A deep breath and a slight relaxing throughout Ron's body. "Okay. That's not exactly the same thing."
No more lies. "He... he fucked me, as well." Harry kissed Ron's neck. "But I'm excited for my first time with you. Incredibly excited, of course."
"Did you use a condom or anything?" Ron took Harry's silence as affirmation. "So his cum was inside you. His cock was inside you and he came right inside you." Despite the incredible anger in Ron's voice, Harry could feel himself getting hard at the memories, arousal prickling at his fingertips. "Harry! Fuck!"
Ron pushed Harry off him and nearly off the bed. "Fuck. Okay. Fuck. Just go to bed. I need some time to think about this."
Nodding, Harry left Ron's bed and slipped into his own. On his back, he could see his cock standing hard and proud. There was nothing to do but wank and there was nothing to think about, it seemed, but Draco moving fast inside of him. He came in a rush and then his body relaxed and then... nothing. Harry felt nothing.
//
Walking to the Great Hall with Hermione.
"You smell nice today."
"Very nice."
"Seamus! Thanks, Harry. Draco made me a perfume."
//
At breakfast, he and Ron weren't talking. Lavender nudged him and gave a great fluttering series of movements suggesting that he should go to Draco and either kiss him or give him... fellatio publicus. Harry tried to ignore her but the idea of sucking Draco off in front of the whole school was stuck in his mind and kept him hard all day.
The owls came and Pig dropped a letter in Ron's oatmeal. Ron would have caught it, was going to catch it, but Colin shoved him while he was walking to his seat. Lots of people were shoving Ron these days, and glaring at him and playing tricks on him and sending sad, pitying looks at Harry.
Hermione explained to him that the entire school loved Harry and Draco and their relationship. Everyone saw Ron as the evil demon that possessed Harry and tore him away from his one true love and, if Harry would only pay attention, he'd hear that at any given moment, someone, somewhere in the school was plotting to get the couple back together.
"It's from my mum," Ron said, staring at the letter. "She says okay to tea on Saturday."
Harry smiled. "That's great, Ron." He went to hug him, but stopped himself in the last second. Ron just stared at him for a minute, but soon his face broke into a smile and he nodded and took Harry's hand.
"Agh," said one student and, "Bah!" said another.
//
Sitting next to Neville in Herbology.
"That's a nice necklace, Harry."
"Thanks. It was a Christmas present from-Draco. Yeah. It is nice. He has-very good taste, you know."
"Do you know you never take it off? You're getting a little tan line on your down your neck." Harry fiddled with the pendent at the end of the long silver chain. He should take it off, but his hands won't move.
//
It was obvious at tea that Saturday that Ron had not lost his family. Mrs Weasley said very clearly that she and Mr Weasley and all the Weasley children would support Ron until the day he died. It was also obvious, though, that Harry had not gained a family.
Both Weasley parents were incredibly civil throughout their hour-long tea party, but as everyone prepared to leave and Ron went to the toilet, Harry found himself cornered. "Harry, understand that we do not approve of this," said Mr Weasley.
"No, not at all," said Mrs Weasley. "We only approve of Ron."
"Right. Ron. We do not like that you've perverted our son and we'll do everything in our power to set him right again."
"However, we'll do nothing to you, so not to worry there, dear. You're not worth the trouble."
"So, just enjoy him while you can."
"Arthur!" Suddenly both Mr and Mrs Weasley were blushing and Harry was trying not to laugh.
"Er-right. Enjoy his company is what I meant. His conversation, you sick-"
"Good, then. Goodbye, Harry." Ron came around the corner from the toilet. Hugs and kisses all around and Harry and Ron were walking towards Honeydukes.
Harry wanted to be upset - and he was in a way - but both Weasley parents were so very much like cookies, that it was hard to be afraid. Oh well. There were hurdles to jump in every relationship.
As they walked into the sweetshop, they passed Draco and Blaise Zabini on their way out. Draco and Blaise started dating a few days after the Messy Brake-Up Scene. It had been nearly three weeks now, but Harry still wanted to pull Blaise's hair out whenever he saw them together. And he still wanted to pull Draco's clothes off whenever... he was breathing, it seemed. Maybe it would get better once they all left Hogwarts and Harry didn’t have to see him every day.
"Hello, Ron," Blaise said. "Hello, Harry. Pleasant day for January, isn't it?"
Ron tightened his hold on Harry's hand. "Zabini."
"Hello... Blaise. Yes. It-it is." He looked at Draco and opened his mouth but had nothing to say. God, Draco looked good. He'd lost weight and his face looked a little hollowed-had he not been sleeping? Was fucking Zabini keeping him up at night? Or... nightmares. Maybe he was having nightmares-but he was still as pale and beautiful as ever.
"Well-" Blaise was cut off as suddenly someone rammed into Draco, making him pitch forward. Harry rushed towards him and caught him before he tripped on the stairs.
"What the hell!" he shouted. "No one move!" He sat down on a step and manoeuvred Draco into his lap. "Are you all right?"
Draco nodded and then his arms were around Harry's neck and Harry's arms were around his waist and they were almost, almost kissing. Then reality came crashing back. Faster than he'd had any idea he could move, Harry had them both standing up and three feet away from one another.
He cleared his throat. "Who's the clumsy git?"
Wayne Hopkins raised his thin arm and laughed uncomfortably. "Sorry. Didn't, er... look where I was going."
Of course. Of course it was an accident. Harry took a deep breath. "Er. Right. Just-don't let it happen again."
Wayne's hand came in front of his mouth. "I’ll be on alert for Draco Malfoy in front of me."
Blaise wrapped his arms around Draco and they shuffled off together. As he moved back to Ron, Harry felt sure that Blaise had no idea how to take care of him. "We'll get some chocolate now, yeah?"
Ron nodded, but looked decidedly annoyed. They walked into the store. "You run to save everyone who's not your friend?"
Harry squinted at him. "Yeah, actually. Saviour of the wizarding world, don't forget. Sweet boys who popped my cherry and all."
Oh fuck. Of all the things to say. A vision of Snape came into his head and said, "Potter, no sex for a week."
//
Sitting with Ginny and Hermione in the Gryffindor common room.
"This is so pretty. What's McGonagall playing in here?"
"It's a violin sonata by Brahms."
"Good for you for taking an interest in Classical music, Harry. Isn't it fascinating?"
"Actually, er. It's Draco's favourite sonata, that's all."
"Oh. Sorry-"
"That's so sweet, Harry!" Hermione shushes Ginny, but they're both smiling at him like he's a puppy.
//
Harry flicked a piece of beef into the air and then tried to hit it into his pumpkin juice. He'd been successful four out of eighty million tries and he was determined to make it a once more before he left the Great Hall.
"Harry," said Hermione. "You know that's disgusting. Have you actually put any of the stew in your mouth?"
Harry shrugged.
"You know, when you were with Draco you always ate ravenously." Ron sent a glare in their direction, but Harry ignored him. They weren't talking again, sitting quite far away from each other - Ron had punished him like this at least once a week the three months they'd been dating. Perhaps it would happen for the next sixty years. Flick, hit, miss again.
Hermione leaned in close to him and pressed her hand over his, stopping another flick attempt. "Harry. Why are you doing this?"
Pushing her away from him with his shoulder, Harry said, "God, I'm sorry, Hermione, okay? Just one more try at getting five and I'll get more stew and eat it."
Much stronger than he'd ever given her credit for, Hermione shoved him back. "Not that. Why did you break up with Draco? Why are you dating Ron?"
"I've been in love with Ron for six years, Hermione," he said and rubbed his eyes. "I only dated Draco because I thought this could never happen."
"Maybe you were in love with Ron for six years... but you're in love with Draco now." Hermione's voice was soft. "You're unhappy. You are not happy with Ron."
A round of equally soft, "Yeah," came from the people around him. Harry looked up and saw that most of the Gryffindors were staring at him with those sad looks, some others sending that look to Draco. Ron laughed, shaking Harry out of the quiet.
"That's-silly, Hermione. I'm not in love with Draco. I'm very happy. Of course I am. I've wanted this and I've been waiting for this..."
"Change happens. You wanted it, you waited for it, and now you want something else. You are in love with Draco. It's okay."
"It's great!" said Colin. More affirmation from the people around him. What was wrong with everybody? He'd destroyed Voldemort, he won all their Quidditch games, he made idiotic mistakes during classes for comic relief-why couldn't they just give up this thing with Draco and let him be happy with Ron. Harry wasn't in love with Draco!
He only... liked him a lot. And thought about him all the time, but that was normal because he could never spend any time with him. You think about people you miss. And yeah, he was attracted to him. But Draco said it that first night in the Prefect's bathroom. Draco was an attractive guy and Harry was gay. It was just logical. Well. Maybe he was a little bit more attracted to Draco than most other boys. But he'd come to understand Draco's beauty so well... every little nuance of his body... that was really just logical, too.
"That's exactly it, Harry." Oh, had he said all that out loud? This fight with Ron had really fucked him up. "You like him more than anyone else. You miss him like crazy. And you're hot for him all the time. This has all developed because you've spent so much time with him. Because you fell in love with him. That's what being in love is."
Harry looked to the Slytherin table and found Draco instantly. He felt a smile he couldn't control and then worry, for the fifth or sixth time that day, that Draco still wasn't sleeping and now you could really see it in his face. Harry wanted to give him the blowjob of his life and then tuck him into his arms and make sure he slept through the night.
He wanted to do that every night.
Well. Maybe he was in love with Draco. A little.
//
"Ron. We need to talk."
Harry really didn't want to have this conversation. He needed to have this conversation and he wanted the result of this conversation, but every tensed muscle desperately wished that he could just fast forward through the actual talking to Ron. It already moaned of painful cliché and he was going to hurt his best friend and he assumed Ron was going to be mean. It was destined to be a horrible five minutes.
Ron stared at him black faced for a moment, then frowned and nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, I know."
Dinner had just begun, but Harry was too nervous to eat again, like at lunch and breakfast, and when he'd arrived to see Ron absent, he went back to the common room. And there Ron was, alone in the dark. Harry sat down next to him on the couch, right up against the edge to keep a good half a metre between them. Ron stared at the space. Harry cleared his throat. "The thing is... I've loved you for a long time-I still love you! But... I've fallen in love with Draco."
Wincing, Ron looked away and rubbed his eyebrow. "Yeah, I knew."
His mouth fell open and he spluttered, "You knew! How did you know?"
"Well, I looked at you, Harry." Ron laughed and pat Harry's knee. "I could tell-everyone could tell since back in November."
Did Ron have any idea how much pain he could have saved Harry if he'd just told him back in November? And how much more sex he could have been having these past three months? "Then why did-"
"Well, see, I knew you loved me too. I mean, I've known that since fourth year, I think. And I loved you too, but I figured if we ignored it we'd get over it. That maybe that was just part of the experimentation that boys do. Then you and Malfoy... I realized that I'd loose you. You'd get over it and I never would, that there was something more to it all. So I pulled you back. Tried to, anyway, but it was too late. Anyway, consider us broken up, okay?"
Genuine love for Ron and appreciation that they were friends welled up in Harry. That really hadn't happened since-long before they started dating. It was a good omen that this was the exact right thing to do that it would happen again now that they were breaking up. He grabbed Ron's hand.
"You're still my best mate, you know. And you're a great guy-"
"Oh, I've been an awful boyfriend." They laughed together, something that hadn't happened in a really long time too. "Just doing everything I could to keep you away from Malfoy. I'm really sorry." Harry grinned. It was incredibly satisfying just to hear an apology from Ron.
"You'll find someone else and you'll be really happy with him."
"Bloody-I'm gay, aren't I? Gay. It was easier when I was just in love with you. It seemed... more normal, more dignified."
"There's nothing wrong with being gay, Ron. It's perfectly natural. Draco says that wizards are actually predisposed to bisexuality."
Ron snorted and shook his head. "I guess half the seventh year boys are going for the other boys, aren't they? But try telling that to my mum and dad. It was so easy to let them blame you. I didn't have to take any of the blame."
"You knew they'd do that?"
"Of course they would. What could be wrong with their family?"
Maybe because he'd been so prepared that the Weasleys would reject him for this, he'd been sort of numb to their total volte-face of sentiment. It was only now that he really felt how much he missed feeling a part of the Weasley family. "I always thought I was sort of the family, too."
"Oh, you are, Harry!" Ron gave him a hard hug. "You're my family, anyway. And Mum and Dad will remember that, too, if I have to make them."
Harry laughed giddily. How wonderful it was to have Ron on his side again. "Oh, you really were a crap boyfriend, Ron Weasley."
"Yeah. Is Malfoy a good boyfriend?"
Actual butterflies in his stomach and another uncontrollable smile. How had he not noticed how fucking in love with Draco he was? "He's a lovely boyfriend. He's a lovely person. Ron, you'll really like him!"
"Yeah," he said and his face got pensive. "Well, one day. After I meet that guy. Oh shit. Guy. I'm gay."
A little green, Ron threw his head against the back of the couch. Harry just smiled and let him think about that for a while. But that let Harry think too and of course he thought about Draco and thus he had an epiphany. "Oh god! Do you think Draco will take me back? He's been dating Blaise all this time-oh god! Was he ever actually in love with me? We never said that. Maybe I was just a-"
Ron laughed hugely, loudly, right from the stomach and gave Harry's shoulder a little squeeze. "Not to worry Harry. He looks heartbroken all the time. And poor Zabini is desperately in love with Neville, anyway. There's no way anything serious happened there. Malfoy's not eating, he's not sleeping and it all happened after you two broke up and that can't just be coincidence. He's in love with you. Why wouldn't he be? You'll get him back."
Once again, Harry was struck at how new and fantastic a nice Ron was to have around. "Thanks, Ron. God, you were a crap boyfriend."
"Oh, go get bloody perfect Malfoy back, then." Ron kicked him, grinning. "I need some time to feel sorry for myself and I can't just cry in front of everybody like you."
"Shut up." Harry made his way to the door feeling better about himself and his life than he had... ever, maybe. He looked back at Ron and winced at how desolate the other boy looked sitting there. His knees were pulled up to his chest, his face half way buried in them. "Ron. Are-are you going to be okay?"
A deep breath and, "Yes. Hey, maybe Zabini will drown his sorrows over Neville in me now."
Continue to Part 6
Fandom/Pairing: Harry Potter, HPDM
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Some halfhearted Harry/Ron, some Ron-bashing, Gryffindor!fan girls, boys crying, fake relationship!cliche in abundance.
Summary: Pre-HBP AU-post Voldemort. Harry has been in love with Ron for years, but Ron's being an idiot about it. Draco offers to help him out. 32,000 words total.
V.
Ron seemed to take it for granted that they were officially dating. This irked Harry sort of, but he ignored that. Ron was right. Dating Ron was exactly what he wanted, exactly what he'd been trying to get for years and it would be stupid to not take it now.
He hardly slept that night and he was awake again at five that morning. He knew he had to tell Draco that their plan had worked, that he was about to start his life with Ron, before he found out some other way and he got up and hurried down the cold stone halls to the Slytherin dormitory. Oh, how he didn't want to do this. It felt like breaking up with Draco and of course that wasn't what he was doing. They were never dating. And Draco knew that and he wouldn't think of it as breaking up, either. But even as Harry rationalized this again and again, oh, how he still didn't want to do it.
Draco's door opened silently and he was still deeply asleep in bed as Harry walked in the room. He smiled. Draco looked like an angel - well, an angel who'd gotten in a little squabble - all pearly, pale beauty against rumbled white sheets, a little pout on his lips.
Harry felt the urge to crawl into bed with him and kiss that pout and feel warm skin against his, so cold without a robe or slippers, felt the urge through his entire body and when he remembered why he'd come, that he couldn't ever do that again, Harry pulled his arms around himself and pressed against the wall.
With a little moan, Draco woke up and stretched and opened his eyes and smiled at the sight of Harry.
"Harry," he said and his voice was sexy, sleep-roughened. "Come to wish me good morning?" His blinked and seemed to register how Harry looked for the first time, sitting up.
"Harry! What's wrong with you, baby?" The endearment was a knife in Harry's chest.
He shook his head and tightened his hold on himself. "Nothing. Nothing. Ron told me he's in love with me last night."
Draco's face went slack and he looked away. "Oh, Harry." He smiled. "That's wonderful. I'm so happy for you."
"Yeah. I'm happy too."
"So, do you think we need a big messy break-up today?" Draco got up - and oh, he wasn't wearing pyjamas. The casual nakedness, the swings of his cock, the little clenches of his arse as he moved to his wardrobe, each made Harry feel worse and worse.
"No," he said. He cleared his throat. "Ron can be really jealous. It'd be better to say our dating was nothing."
"Nothing."
The pain in Draco's voice struck Harry and ripped him across the room, the need to hold Draco, comfort him, overpowering. He just stopped himself, barely a foot away from him, but he couldn't stop the words: "It wasn't nothing! Of course it wasn't nothing."
Draco turned and finally looked at him again. "We're still friends, then?"
"Yeah, of course. I need you, remember?" They shared a smile and went to hug, but Draco's nakedness was realized by both at once and they jumped away from each other.
Harry went to Draco's bed and sat down to wait while Draco pulled on some pants. Draco sat down next to him. They talked until seven, and although Harry had to stop himself from touching Draco, stop himself from staring at Draco's bare chest, stop himself from giving suggestive comments far more than once, Harry was sure these things would stop eventually. They were natural friends and it seemed that this would work out perfectly.
However, when Harry told him an abridged version of these events at breakfast, Ron couldn't understand Harry still wanting to be friends with Draco.
"You were dating him, Harry," he said and stabbed his toast to reinforce his sentiment. A blob of jam flew across the table. "You had sex. Can't you understand that I don't want you around him? I can't imagine he really wants to be your friend, anyway. He just wants to win you back."
"He's been a great friend, Ron," Harry said, petting the back of Ron's neck. "He's my best-"
"What?"
Right. Harry noted to himself that he could never, ever tell Ron that someone else was his best mate. Not even Hermione, but most certainly not Draco.
"He's a great guy. You'd like him. We could all be friends, if you'd just get to know him."
Ron shook his head. "I don't want to get to know him. I guess I can be grateful that he showed me what I was missing, but otherwise he's just a bastard. I don't want to be his friend and I don't want you to be his friend, either. Alright?" Ron took a bite of food and looked to his other side, apparently assuming all of that was settled and he'd see what Seamus was up to. Harry hit the table with his fist.
"No, Ron, it's not-"
"You don't want to hurt me, do you, Harry?"
Harry had nothing to say to that. No, of course he didn't want to hurt Ron. But he really didn't want to hurt Draco either. He told Ron that and Ron said, "Well then. Would you rather hurt him or me?"
Hermione, who had been avidly listening to this conversation along with most of the Gryffindor table, slapped Ron's arm and said, "Ron! That was awful. Don't make Harry choose!"
"I'm sorry Hermione, but I have to. I hate it, Harry. I hate him. It's him or me." Ron was pointing across the room to Draco at the Slytherin table. Harry's gaze followed Ron's finger and saw Draco watching them, his eyes wide and worried.
Harry realized, his stomach rapidly squeezing itself into a painful ball, that he was right to be worried. He looked at his untouched plate of food. There was nothing for him to say but, "Well, you of course. I'll-I'll tell him-"
"Now. Go tell him now."
Harry looked back at Draco who looked like he was going to be sick. "Now?"
"No time like the present."
"Nullus tempus temporis par donum," Harry said absently and got up absently too, as if he couldn't help himself, as if his brain was detached, not watching it all happen, as he'd heard described before, but in a corner, squeezing its ears and eyes shut.
Once he was standing behind Draco, he started to say, "So-"
"Don't," Draco said. "I already know. We're not friends. It was nothing, is nothing. Right."
His mind rushed back into his body just in time to stop his hand from touching Draco. But then he was forced to realize what he was doing. He was breaking all contact with Draco forever. He wanted to run away, wanted to go punch Ron who was now laughing across the silent Hall, wanted to take Draco in his arms and tell him he was wrong, but he couldn't make himself move. Then Draco started to cry and Harry started to tremble.
Crabbe gave quick, desperate looks between Harry and Draco, apparently trying to deceiver why Draco was upset and why Harry wasn't fixing it. Finally, it seemed, he understood and his gaze settled darkly on Harry. "You're going to go. And we are so not cool."
Harry looked around the Slytherins, who were all now glaring at him. One tear dripped down his face and then another. He started backing up. The Slytherins moved their glares to Ron then, or perhaps the Gryffindor table in general, and a few boys stood up. The next thing he knew he was running and then he was falling and then he was sitting against a wall, trying to breathe.
Arms came around him and he thought did Draco... but it wasn't Draco, he realized right away, it was Ron. Harry still took the desperately needed comfort.
"You did the right thing, Harry."
Yes. This was still good. It had to be.
//
With Seamus, sitting around in their bedroom.
"Can I borrow a quill?"
"Sure. In the drawer in the bedside table."
"Thanks. What's this?"
"That's a handkerchief."
"I can see that, mate. You might wash it." But Harry couldn't wash it. If he did, it wouldn't smell like caramel corn any longer.
//
Harry and Ron were on Ron's bed together late one night a couple of weeks later. They'd just finished their first try at reciprocal blowjobs in the sixty-nine position (Harry did not think about any other sex he'd had this way or any other person or any other bed. He didn't.) Now they were talking quietly, relaxing against one another while Ron traced his finger over Harry's chest. This actually sort of tickled and, actually, Ron was not very good at blowjobs yet, but that was okay. They had their whole lives to perfect their techniques together.
"Ron," he said. "What made you finally decide to approach me?"
"Ginny. Absolutely Ginny. She badgered me all of Christmas holiday, 'What do you think of Harry and Draco?' 'Don't you like Harry anymore?' 'Why can't you keep a girlfriend?' 'You know you've been acting really jealous, actually.' It was ridiculous. Every spare moment. Mum was furious with her all the time, bringing it up." Ron laughed and kissed Harry's neck, very lightly. This tickled too. But, certainly Ron would learn to use a little force eventually.
Harry was a little disappointed in Ron's answer. He'd hoped-for something, but it didn't matter. Ginny had always been a clever girl, anyway. "How's your mum feel about this?"
"Oh she won't-what I mean is, she doesn't know. And I don't see that she really has to. I mean, we'd have been living as roommates after Hogwarts, anyway-well, we would have been if it hadn't been for Malfoy, and so she wouldn't see anything-"
Harry pulled himself out of Ron's arms and sat up. "You won't come out to your mum is what you're saying."
"It seems a little unnecessary, that's all." When Harry turned and looked, Ron was pouting.
"Well, it is necessary, Ron. She's your mother and I want her blessing."
"But you won't get it! She won't-Dad won't, my brothers won't get the difference between little pansy faggot arse-fucking and what we-"
"Ron! There is no difference between little pansy faggots and us. We're all gay. We're all faggots. We are the gay community."
"Gay, sure, whatever. But we'll be monogamous, won't we? And queers can't do that-I'm certain Malfoy couldn't do that and we don't wear purple or pink or anything like those stupid shoes Malfoy-did you see them?" Ron gave a great snort and tried to pull Harry back down into his arms. Harry did his best to only glare at the curtains in front of him and not turn it to Ron. "There's a world of difference, Harry."
"Some boys love reading books and some boys love playing Quidditch, but they're still all boys."
"Whatever. The point is, Mum won't understand this and I'll never see my parents again."
"I won't live a lie," Harry said clearly. The irony kicked him in the head. Harry rubbed his eyes.
Ron was quiet for a long time, but he finally said, "Fine. I'll write them tomorrow. But understand that you're making me lose my family."
Harry grinned and jumped on top of Ron. "I'm sure you're overreacting. Tell them you want us to have tea with them at Hogsmeade on Saturday."
A twitch in Ron's eyebrow, but he smiled and pressed Harry close to him. "Are you excited for your first time?"
He could feel every muscle stiffen. "What?"
"Anal intercourse, Harry," Ron chuckled and ran his fingers, in that light, tickling way, down Harry's arse. "It's the next step. Mmm, being inside you... are you excited for your first time?"
Harry cleared his throat and then cleared it again. "Actually. Actually, Draco and I-"
This time he could feel every one of Ron's muscles stiffen. "What?"
"We-"
"You fucked. You fucked that little bastard?"
"Yes, I fucked him."
A deep breath and a slight relaxing throughout Ron's body. "Okay. That's not exactly the same thing."
No more lies. "He... he fucked me, as well." Harry kissed Ron's neck. "But I'm excited for my first time with you. Incredibly excited, of course."
"Did you use a condom or anything?" Ron took Harry's silence as affirmation. "So his cum was inside you. His cock was inside you and he came right inside you." Despite the incredible anger in Ron's voice, Harry could feel himself getting hard at the memories, arousal prickling at his fingertips. "Harry! Fuck!"
Ron pushed Harry off him and nearly off the bed. "Fuck. Okay. Fuck. Just go to bed. I need some time to think about this."
Nodding, Harry left Ron's bed and slipped into his own. On his back, he could see his cock standing hard and proud. There was nothing to do but wank and there was nothing to think about, it seemed, but Draco moving fast inside of him. He came in a rush and then his body relaxed and then... nothing. Harry felt nothing.
//
Walking to the Great Hall with Hermione.
"You smell nice today."
"Very nice."
"Seamus! Thanks, Harry. Draco made me a perfume."
//
At breakfast, he and Ron weren't talking. Lavender nudged him and gave a great fluttering series of movements suggesting that he should go to Draco and either kiss him or give him... fellatio publicus. Harry tried to ignore her but the idea of sucking Draco off in front of the whole school was stuck in his mind and kept him hard all day.
The owls came and Pig dropped a letter in Ron's oatmeal. Ron would have caught it, was going to catch it, but Colin shoved him while he was walking to his seat. Lots of people were shoving Ron these days, and glaring at him and playing tricks on him and sending sad, pitying looks at Harry.
Hermione explained to him that the entire school loved Harry and Draco and their relationship. Everyone saw Ron as the evil demon that possessed Harry and tore him away from his one true love and, if Harry would only pay attention, he'd hear that at any given moment, someone, somewhere in the school was plotting to get the couple back together.
"It's from my mum," Ron said, staring at the letter. "She says okay to tea on Saturday."
Harry smiled. "That's great, Ron." He went to hug him, but stopped himself in the last second. Ron just stared at him for a minute, but soon his face broke into a smile and he nodded and took Harry's hand.
"Agh," said one student and, "Bah!" said another.
//
Sitting next to Neville in Herbology.
"That's a nice necklace, Harry."
"Thanks. It was a Christmas present from-Draco. Yeah. It is nice. He has-very good taste, you know."
"Do you know you never take it off? You're getting a little tan line on your down your neck." Harry fiddled with the pendent at the end of the long silver chain. He should take it off, but his hands won't move.
//
It was obvious at tea that Saturday that Ron had not lost his family. Mrs Weasley said very clearly that she and Mr Weasley and all the Weasley children would support Ron until the day he died. It was also obvious, though, that Harry had not gained a family.
Both Weasley parents were incredibly civil throughout their hour-long tea party, but as everyone prepared to leave and Ron went to the toilet, Harry found himself cornered. "Harry, understand that we do not approve of this," said Mr Weasley.
"No, not at all," said Mrs Weasley. "We only approve of Ron."
"Right. Ron. We do not like that you've perverted our son and we'll do everything in our power to set him right again."
"However, we'll do nothing to you, so not to worry there, dear. You're not worth the trouble."
"So, just enjoy him while you can."
"Arthur!" Suddenly both Mr and Mrs Weasley were blushing and Harry was trying not to laugh.
"Er-right. Enjoy his company is what I meant. His conversation, you sick-"
"Good, then. Goodbye, Harry." Ron came around the corner from the toilet. Hugs and kisses all around and Harry and Ron were walking towards Honeydukes.
Harry wanted to be upset - and he was in a way - but both Weasley parents were so very much like cookies, that it was hard to be afraid. Oh well. There were hurdles to jump in every relationship.
As they walked into the sweetshop, they passed Draco and Blaise Zabini on their way out. Draco and Blaise started dating a few days after the Messy Brake-Up Scene. It had been nearly three weeks now, but Harry still wanted to pull Blaise's hair out whenever he saw them together. And he still wanted to pull Draco's clothes off whenever... he was breathing, it seemed. Maybe it would get better once they all left Hogwarts and Harry didn’t have to see him every day.
"Hello, Ron," Blaise said. "Hello, Harry. Pleasant day for January, isn't it?"
Ron tightened his hold on Harry's hand. "Zabini."
"Hello... Blaise. Yes. It-it is." He looked at Draco and opened his mouth but had nothing to say. God, Draco looked good. He'd lost weight and his face looked a little hollowed-had he not been sleeping? Was fucking Zabini keeping him up at night? Or... nightmares. Maybe he was having nightmares-but he was still as pale and beautiful as ever.
"Well-" Blaise was cut off as suddenly someone rammed into Draco, making him pitch forward. Harry rushed towards him and caught him before he tripped on the stairs.
"What the hell!" he shouted. "No one move!" He sat down on a step and manoeuvred Draco into his lap. "Are you all right?"
Draco nodded and then his arms were around Harry's neck and Harry's arms were around his waist and they were almost, almost kissing. Then reality came crashing back. Faster than he'd had any idea he could move, Harry had them both standing up and three feet away from one another.
He cleared his throat. "Who's the clumsy git?"
Wayne Hopkins raised his thin arm and laughed uncomfortably. "Sorry. Didn't, er... look where I was going."
Of course. Of course it was an accident. Harry took a deep breath. "Er. Right. Just-don't let it happen again."
Wayne's hand came in front of his mouth. "I’ll be on alert for Draco Malfoy in front of me."
Blaise wrapped his arms around Draco and they shuffled off together. As he moved back to Ron, Harry felt sure that Blaise had no idea how to take care of him. "We'll get some chocolate now, yeah?"
Ron nodded, but looked decidedly annoyed. They walked into the store. "You run to save everyone who's not your friend?"
Harry squinted at him. "Yeah, actually. Saviour of the wizarding world, don't forget. Sweet boys who popped my cherry and all."
Oh fuck. Of all the things to say. A vision of Snape came into his head and said, "Potter, no sex for a week."
//
Sitting with Ginny and Hermione in the Gryffindor common room.
"This is so pretty. What's McGonagall playing in here?"
"It's a violin sonata by Brahms."
"Good for you for taking an interest in Classical music, Harry. Isn't it fascinating?"
"Actually, er. It's Draco's favourite sonata, that's all."
"Oh. Sorry-"
"That's so sweet, Harry!" Hermione shushes Ginny, but they're both smiling at him like he's a puppy.
//
Harry flicked a piece of beef into the air and then tried to hit it into his pumpkin juice. He'd been successful four out of eighty million tries and he was determined to make it a once more before he left the Great Hall.
"Harry," said Hermione. "You know that's disgusting. Have you actually put any of the stew in your mouth?"
Harry shrugged.
"You know, when you were with Draco you always ate ravenously." Ron sent a glare in their direction, but Harry ignored him. They weren't talking again, sitting quite far away from each other - Ron had punished him like this at least once a week the three months they'd been dating. Perhaps it would happen for the next sixty years. Flick, hit, miss again.
Hermione leaned in close to him and pressed her hand over his, stopping another flick attempt. "Harry. Why are you doing this?"
Pushing her away from him with his shoulder, Harry said, "God, I'm sorry, Hermione, okay? Just one more try at getting five and I'll get more stew and eat it."
Much stronger than he'd ever given her credit for, Hermione shoved him back. "Not that. Why did you break up with Draco? Why are you dating Ron?"
"I've been in love with Ron for six years, Hermione," he said and rubbed his eyes. "I only dated Draco because I thought this could never happen."
"Maybe you were in love with Ron for six years... but you're in love with Draco now." Hermione's voice was soft. "You're unhappy. You are not happy with Ron."
A round of equally soft, "Yeah," came from the people around him. Harry looked up and saw that most of the Gryffindors were staring at him with those sad looks, some others sending that look to Draco. Ron laughed, shaking Harry out of the quiet.
"That's-silly, Hermione. I'm not in love with Draco. I'm very happy. Of course I am. I've wanted this and I've been waiting for this..."
"Change happens. You wanted it, you waited for it, and now you want something else. You are in love with Draco. It's okay."
"It's great!" said Colin. More affirmation from the people around him. What was wrong with everybody? He'd destroyed Voldemort, he won all their Quidditch games, he made idiotic mistakes during classes for comic relief-why couldn't they just give up this thing with Draco and let him be happy with Ron. Harry wasn't in love with Draco!
He only... liked him a lot. And thought about him all the time, but that was normal because he could never spend any time with him. You think about people you miss. And yeah, he was attracted to him. But Draco said it that first night in the Prefect's bathroom. Draco was an attractive guy and Harry was gay. It was just logical. Well. Maybe he was a little bit more attracted to Draco than most other boys. But he'd come to understand Draco's beauty so well... every little nuance of his body... that was really just logical, too.
"That's exactly it, Harry." Oh, had he said all that out loud? This fight with Ron had really fucked him up. "You like him more than anyone else. You miss him like crazy. And you're hot for him all the time. This has all developed because you've spent so much time with him. Because you fell in love with him. That's what being in love is."
Harry looked to the Slytherin table and found Draco instantly. He felt a smile he couldn't control and then worry, for the fifth or sixth time that day, that Draco still wasn't sleeping and now you could really see it in his face. Harry wanted to give him the blowjob of his life and then tuck him into his arms and make sure he slept through the night.
He wanted to do that every night.
Well. Maybe he was in love with Draco. A little.
//
"Ron. We need to talk."
Harry really didn't want to have this conversation. He needed to have this conversation and he wanted the result of this conversation, but every tensed muscle desperately wished that he could just fast forward through the actual talking to Ron. It already moaned of painful cliché and he was going to hurt his best friend and he assumed Ron was going to be mean. It was destined to be a horrible five minutes.
Ron stared at him black faced for a moment, then frowned and nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, I know."
Dinner had just begun, but Harry was too nervous to eat again, like at lunch and breakfast, and when he'd arrived to see Ron absent, he went back to the common room. And there Ron was, alone in the dark. Harry sat down next to him on the couch, right up against the edge to keep a good half a metre between them. Ron stared at the space. Harry cleared his throat. "The thing is... I've loved you for a long time-I still love you! But... I've fallen in love with Draco."
Wincing, Ron looked away and rubbed his eyebrow. "Yeah, I knew."
His mouth fell open and he spluttered, "You knew! How did you know?"
"Well, I looked at you, Harry." Ron laughed and pat Harry's knee. "I could tell-everyone could tell since back in November."
Did Ron have any idea how much pain he could have saved Harry if he'd just told him back in November? And how much more sex he could have been having these past three months? "Then why did-"
"Well, see, I knew you loved me too. I mean, I've known that since fourth year, I think. And I loved you too, but I figured if we ignored it we'd get over it. That maybe that was just part of the experimentation that boys do. Then you and Malfoy... I realized that I'd loose you. You'd get over it and I never would, that there was something more to it all. So I pulled you back. Tried to, anyway, but it was too late. Anyway, consider us broken up, okay?"
Genuine love for Ron and appreciation that they were friends welled up in Harry. That really hadn't happened since-long before they started dating. It was a good omen that this was the exact right thing to do that it would happen again now that they were breaking up. He grabbed Ron's hand.
"You're still my best mate, you know. And you're a great guy-"
"Oh, I've been an awful boyfriend." They laughed together, something that hadn't happened in a really long time too. "Just doing everything I could to keep you away from Malfoy. I'm really sorry." Harry grinned. It was incredibly satisfying just to hear an apology from Ron.
"You'll find someone else and you'll be really happy with him."
"Bloody-I'm gay, aren't I? Gay. It was easier when I was just in love with you. It seemed... more normal, more dignified."
"There's nothing wrong with being gay, Ron. It's perfectly natural. Draco says that wizards are actually predisposed to bisexuality."
Ron snorted and shook his head. "I guess half the seventh year boys are going for the other boys, aren't they? But try telling that to my mum and dad. It was so easy to let them blame you. I didn't have to take any of the blame."
"You knew they'd do that?"
"Of course they would. What could be wrong with their family?"
Maybe because he'd been so prepared that the Weasleys would reject him for this, he'd been sort of numb to their total volte-face of sentiment. It was only now that he really felt how much he missed feeling a part of the Weasley family. "I always thought I was sort of the family, too."
"Oh, you are, Harry!" Ron gave him a hard hug. "You're my family, anyway. And Mum and Dad will remember that, too, if I have to make them."
Harry laughed giddily. How wonderful it was to have Ron on his side again. "Oh, you really were a crap boyfriend, Ron Weasley."
"Yeah. Is Malfoy a good boyfriend?"
Actual butterflies in his stomach and another uncontrollable smile. How had he not noticed how fucking in love with Draco he was? "He's a lovely boyfriend. He's a lovely person. Ron, you'll really like him!"
"Yeah," he said and his face got pensive. "Well, one day. After I meet that guy. Oh shit. Guy. I'm gay."
A little green, Ron threw his head against the back of the couch. Harry just smiled and let him think about that for a while. But that let Harry think too and of course he thought about Draco and thus he had an epiphany. "Oh god! Do you think Draco will take me back? He's been dating Blaise all this time-oh god! Was he ever actually in love with me? We never said that. Maybe I was just a-"
Ron laughed hugely, loudly, right from the stomach and gave Harry's shoulder a little squeeze. "Not to worry Harry. He looks heartbroken all the time. And poor Zabini is desperately in love with Neville, anyway. There's no way anything serious happened there. Malfoy's not eating, he's not sleeping and it all happened after you two broke up and that can't just be coincidence. He's in love with you. Why wouldn't he be? You'll get him back."
Once again, Harry was struck at how new and fantastic a nice Ron was to have around. "Thanks, Ron. God, you were a crap boyfriend."
"Oh, go get bloody perfect Malfoy back, then." Ron kicked him, grinning. "I need some time to feel sorry for myself and I can't just cry in front of everybody like you."
"Shut up." Harry made his way to the door feeling better about himself and his life than he had... ever, maybe. He looked back at Ron and winced at how desolate the other boy looked sitting there. His knees were pulled up to his chest, his face half way buried in them. "Ron. Are-are you going to be okay?"
A deep breath and, "Yes. Hey, maybe Zabini will drown his sorrows over Neville in me now."
Continue to Part 6