Vesper part 12/13
Title: Vesper
Fandom/Pairing: Twilight, Edward/Bella
Rating: PG-13
Category: Romance, Drama
Spoilers: AU, but there are references to all four books. You'll probably just glance over them if you haven't read BD, however.
Summary: In an alternate universe, the Cullens stayed in Alaska for three more years than in the books, so Bella spends the end of her junior year in Forks without Edward. How will she deal with her inevitable feelings for him when she's already dating Jacob and mostly happy with her life?
x-posted at lion_lamb, Twilighted, and ff.net
Chapter 12: The Truth
She was shouting at him. A week of torture and now she was shouting at him.
It felt amazing.
“How could you leave!” She was standing several feet from him, waving her arms. He could feel her heat, her pulse from her. With several open wounds, he was hungry for her, but the icy air had forced them all to clot early, just a tease of dead blood cells. “You saved my life again and again, you were always there, just-looking at me, and you-why? Because you had a crush? And then you just left? Why!”
She wasn’t exactly making sense, but he said, “Why what?” more because he didn’t know what to tell her. The truth about why he treated her terribly and then left her without decent explanation? Tell her that he didn’t leave and saw that his desperate hope that she would lose any affection she had for him in anger hadn’t happened at all? The truth that he loved her?
“Why-everything!” If their strength levels had been reversed, she would have killed him with her gaze. “Why are you here right now?”
He shrugged. This was another question he could edge around. “You were lost in the woods. I was worried.”
“You were worried? Because I was lost in the woods! Be worried that you left me alone-”
“I didn’t leave you alone-”
“You left me without you! What the hell else matters, Edward?” She stomped towards him and slapped him in the chest. He moved with her, maintaining contact, but keeping her from hurting herself. “Without you… it’s a half life. It’s getting by. It’s been destroying me! You can’t just come into my life and then leave because I don’t mean enough to you.”
She was so close to him and her words gave him such hope… he couldn’t help being honest this time. “You mean everything-!”
“Everything! I hope you’re lying because at least if I don’t mean anything, there’s some excuse for the way you’ve treated me.”
That he was the cause of her unhappiness since the second strategy meeting had been eating away at him, but there had been an excuse for his actions. He moved to grab her arms, then forced himself not to touch her. “No! Jasper almost killed you and-”
“I’m sorry!” Eyes glossy, she crossed her arms over her chest and walked slowly away from him. “It was about the temptation of my blood? You know I can’t help it! I-”
“Don’t apologize!” He followed her, his hand hovering above her shoulder. “You aren’t doing anything wrong! I am putting you in danger! All the time. I had to leave you alone.”
“That’s why you left?” Her voice was soft now.
“Of course that’s why I left. Everything I said… was it really just a week ago? I lied. I’ve never had a crush on you. I’m in love with you. I love you in a way I didn’t know existed before I met you. It’s as if you fill up all these spaces in my soul I didn’t know were there. That’s why I left. Or-didn’t leave. I’ve been following you around. I’ve been spending the night outside your bedroom for months, but… I’ve been crouching below the windows of your classes, walking along the border of La Push when you’re with Jacob, running a few yards behind your car… I’m sorry. I never wanted you to have to deal with this. I know you love Jacob-” She spun around suddenly, took his face in her hands.
“No, I love you. I mean, I do love Jacob, but with you…” She blushed and let out a shaky breath. “You fill up my holes too.”
He had no idea what to say. Had he died and there was paradise for the damned? How could this be real?
A frown settled on Bella’s face. Using his neck as leverage, she tried to pull herself up. Instinctually, he wrapped his arm around her waist and helped her. Once their faces were even with one another, she took a deep breath and kissed him. Shocked, he dropped her. She squealed and slipped as her feet hit the ground, falling backwards. Laughter bubbled up inside of him. This was real. He caught her half way to the ground and lifted her back into position.
Faces inches apart, they stared at one another while Bella caught her breath. She shimmied her arms out of his grasp and put her hands back on his face, running her fingers over the lines of his bones. “Once,” she said quietly. “I made Jacob come in his pants.” He growled and wanted to squeeze her tighter, but he would have hurt her and his muscles wouldn’t let him. “But if I ever need proof of my sexual prowess, it’s just now. I made the manipulative, overprotective vampire drop me when I kissed him.”
Cocky little human. He kissed her. Outdoing him again, she grabbed his hair and pulled him closer, opened her mouth and made a little whimpering noise. Her lips, hot and soft against his, felt incredible, but her taste… made him want to eat her. He wrenched his face away from hers and tried to inhale something else, but she was too close. Not even the lingering wolf-smell made it better. He set her more carefully on the ground and ran to the other side of the meadow and took a few deep breaths of the fresh air.
“I’m sorry!” she called out, too loudly, but she probably couldn’t see anything in the darkness.
“Please, don’t apologize,” he said as he walked back to her. She was shivering, he realized. Of course she was in this weather. He ran his hands up and down her arms, hoping the friction could warm her despite his temperature. “Maybe we should go-”
For the first time since he became a vampire, his sense of smell didn’t alert him to the problem. It was the roar that told him that Jacob was behind him and furious.
Taking a few steps form Edward, Bella tried to reason with Jacob but he was animalistic, beyond even full sentences in his thoughts. “Jake!” she said and his response was, Love her. Mine! Why is he here? Away! Make him go away. Mine! Jacob’s gaze was shooting from Edward to Bella, his giant body trembling, taking unsteady steps towards them.
Edward said her name slowly. “Go away. Go into the woods until it’s quiet here.”
“No!” she said, but he stared at her until she took a few steps back.
Jacob’s gaze trained on Bella and Edward realized he’d done the wrong thing. Mine! he thought and, with a roar, jumped towards Bella. Edward leaped in between them, but Jacob was huge and all Edward accomplished was adding more weight on top of Bella. He heard a bone crack as Jacob’s giant paw reared back and Edward made another mistake. In an effort to push the fight off of Bella, he rammed Jacob forward and the striking claws missed Edward and came down on Bella’s hip as he flew backwards across the meadow.
Bella shouted in pain. Bella’s hurt? Jacob thought. I hurt Bella. He phased back into human form and stalked to where Edward was cradling Bella. The wounds were superficial, made through her down jacket, but Edward was still furious and met Jacob halfway.
Glad that he was more vulnerable, or at least smaller, in his naked human body, Edward grabbed Jacob’s arms and jumped, kicking Jacob in the chest, the force against his shoulders pulling his arms out of their sockets. Without waiting for a response, Edward took Bella back up in his arms and ran as fast as he could towards the hospital.
Frustratingly, Carlisle was working tonight, so they would have to go through official channels to clean her up. Edward ran until he hit the hedges around the building, then went at a human speed toward the E.R. entrance. “She was attacked by a bear,” he told the first nurse he saw. “Where’s Dr. Cullen?”
The hallway was near empty and every nurse in sight went into a frenzy, getting her a wheelchair and pulling out carts of medical supplies. Carlisle calmly put down a magazine and walked towards them.
“What happened?” he said, smoothing her hair away from her forehead. Bella opened her eyes and clearly tried to smile, though came off as more of a wince.
“Jacob,” he said, too low to be heard by anyone else. Carlisle nodded, unsurprised. “He and I landed on top of her, broke something. He scratched her, here,” He gestured to the shredded edge of the parka and her blood-soaked blue dress. “And I’m sure she’s freezing.”
Carlisle moved each of her legs, delicately. “Is it-” She sucked in a breath. Edward pressed several hard kisses to her head, grateful that he had some leave to do that now. “Yep, the left fibula.” With one unnaturally firm, steady hand, Carlisle held her leg still while he examined the cuts. “They’re not too deep,” he said. “I bet they burn, though, don’t they?” He used an over-fluctuated voice meant for children, making Bella smile and nod.
A hyper little nurse insisted that he put Bella in the wheelchair and he followed her entourage until they reached the sign, HOSPITAL PERSONNEL ONLY. Carlisle grimaced sympathetically, but told him to sit tight. “She’ll be fine.”
He knew she’d be fine! He just wanted to stay with her. As it turned out, Carlisle’s authority had done nothing to speed up hospital proceedings since last spring. Did it really take so long to set a leg and put a cast on it? Keep the family away when the patient might crash, he understood that, but why keep them away when she was going to be fine, Carlisle? What could he complicate by being there?
When the nurses settled Bella in a room and Carlisle left to bring Edward to her, he stood up and started down the hallway to meet Carlisle halfway. Grinning ruefully when he saw him, Carlisle ruffled his hair and turned around in pace with Edward. “I’m glad you’re back,” he said. “Are you going to tell her you love her?”
“I already have,” he said, surprised himself that the conversation in the meadow had really happened.
“You guys going steady now?” If he could have blushed, he would have. As it was, the venom swirled underneath his cheeks.
“I don’t know,” he said and bumped Carlisle in the side.
Already grinning, Carlisle burst out laughing. “Edward, I don’t believe I’ve ever heard you sound like a petulant teenager before just now. That’s good. She’s good for you.”
Edward wasn’t embarrassed at that. It was simply true.
He hated the smell of hospitals. Cleaning solution, bleach, latex, sweat, and old blood. Even as he had to force back the desire to kill her, Bella’s incredible scent was a relief as they neared her door and walked in.
She looked tiny and battered underneath the powder blue blanket. Her eyes opened at the sound of their footsteps and she smiled as he came close to her. “Edward!”
He chuckled as he took her hand in his and kissed her palm. “You sound surprised.”
“No,” she sighed, closing her eyes again. “Just happy.”
“Do you think Jacob will come to the hospital?” Carlisle said.
“Probably.” Edward’s voice was low. He hadn’t gone into Jacob’s thoughts since the fight. He was worried about his own self control in not finding him and inflicting some permanent damage. Better to be surprised when and if he came here tonight, letting the sterile, public hospital atmosphere help him keep calm.
“One of the nurses called the police to report the bear attack, so Charlie-” There was a bustle outside the room and then Charlie was in the doorway, out of breath, his blue uniform shirt off-buttoned and half-tucked into his pants.
“Hello, Chief Swan.”
“Edward!” Charlie said, delighted to see him. His fear was cut in half just by Edward’s presence. My girl got a guardian angel when the Cullens came to town. Kind, stupid man. “You’re back!”
“Um-yes, sir. I wanted to make it back for the scholarship ceremony, but my plane was delayed in a snow storm. I got back in town a half hour after it ended.”
“Snow in Alaska, imagine that.” He chuckled at his own joke, watching Bella’s sleepy face with soft eyes. “No wonder she ran off the second the reporters left her alone.” Charlie’s mind ran through her interview with Sally Mallory, which he’d seen from a distance, but had to stay too far away to hear. Sea otters. Hah. “She really felt you leaving, you know, Ed. She’s been moping-”
Entirely for Charlie’s benefit, Bella said, “Dad!” and squinted at him.
“I don’t plan on leaving her again, sir.” Edward said this for Bella’s benefit. “If the sea otters of Northern Alaska need me again, we’ll help them together.”
Charlie frowned. “I don’t know about that. Bell’s has some bad luck, you know? If she can get attacked by a bear in Forks, who knows what’ll come after her in the wilds? She’s okay, isn’t she?” he said, turning to Carlisle.
“Absolutely.” He smiled and squeezed Charlie’s shoulder. “Just sore and tired. She could probably go home tonight, but-”
“Let her sleep. I bet you’re tired too, huh?” he said to Edward. “Carrying her from-hey, where did you two manage to get attacked by a bear?”
Shrugging, he said smoothly, “Just taking a walk. We didn’t notice how dark it was getting, I guess, and the next thing I knew there was a growl and a black bear running out of the forest. I really didn’t see very much… I grabbed Bella the first chance I could and ran. It was lucky she didn’t try to chase us. I think she might have just woken her up from hibernation.” Edward got a little kick from calling Jacob a woman.
Charlie pulled a pad out of his back pocket and wrote his description down. After asking a few more simple questions, he replaced the pad and flopped down on a chair by Bella’s bed. She had fallen asleep with her hand in Edward’s and a few times a minute she squeezed it a little tighter.
The night wore on. Charlie called the station with report of the bear of attack. Carlisle came in to check on Bella’s statistics, although Edward noticed every fluctuation in her breathing and heart rate. At ten-thirty, Charlie fell asleep and at eleven, he flailed awake again. “What-? Oh, mmm-” He stretched. “Ed, you going home soon? It’s late.”
“I suppose so, sir,” he agreed, to encourage Charlie to leave and get a good night’s sleep. He stood. “Can I walk you to your car?”
“Sure, sure. Thanks.” They said goodbye to Carlisle, stretched out on two chairs and frowning at Us Weekly, on the way out the door. Standing in the open door of Carlisle’s Mercedes, he waved until the cruiser was out of sight, then went back inside to Bella’s room. For once, he was grateful for Forks Community Hospital’s relatively lax policies, as one nod from Dr. Cullen let Edward stay all night long. In a bigger city, he would have had to sneak in and hide from the orderlies, an annoying waste of time.
Bella stirred awake early the next morning. Edward left her side to close the window blinds against the brightening white sky and when he turned back, she was watching him. “Good morning, beauty. How do you feel?”
“Wonderful,” she said, shivery-stretching in to the mattress, like a cat. “You’re here.”
“I think they have you on some painkillers,” he said, smiling helplessly. She rolled her eyes at him. “Do you want something to eat?”
“A hospital tray sounds pretty unappetizing. When can I break out of here?”
“Any time you’d like.” He wished he’d thought to run to her house for a fresh set of clothes. He sat down beside her and took her hand between his, ran a finger down a curving blue vein to her wrist and- “What happened to your bracelet?”
She frowned at him, blinked at her wrist. There was a barely perceptible tan line from where the bracelet used to rest. “I must have lost it in the woods.”
Ready to offer to find it and bring it back to her, it was suddenly obvious that her heart rate was speeding up. What was wrong? “Are you-”
“I’m going to break up with Jacob!” she exploded, eyes wide, then relaxed against her pillows again.
Edward’s first thing he wanted was to pull her into his arms and twirl her around, but the last thing he wanted was for her to make a hasty decision that she would regret later. “Bella, he was a little out of his mind last night-”
“No, it’s not because of that.” Frowning, she reached out and grabbed his hand, pondering each of his fingers slowly. She said finally, “I-want to kiss you and I don’t want to feel guilty when I do it.”
That was exactly the motivation of a hasty decision. “Fleeting desires-”
“Edward!” Glaring now, she took his face in her hands and brought it closer to hers. “I’ve wanted to kiss you every day since I met you.” With heartbreaking sweetness, she kissed his forehead. “I want to kiss you every day for the rest of my life. I want to kiss you more than I’ve ever wanted to do anything.”
“You’re eighteen,” he whispered, unable to make a move away from her.
“Edward!” She matched his pitch. “You, with all your grand experience, said last night that I complete you. So you have to complete me. That’s how that works.”
“H-how would you know?”
“Please.” Tears were dripping down her cheeks, her voice was broken. Edward swiftly slid underneath the sheets and pulled her on top of him, rubbing a soothing hand over her hair and her back. What incredible heat!
“Anything,” he promised.
“It’s hard enough ending my relationship with Jacob without having to convince you it’s the right thing to do. It’s the only thing to do. I should have done it the day we met-saved everyone a lot of pain.”
“You never even saw me the day we met,” he reminded her. “I should have stayed away. That would have saved you and Jacob from any pain.”
“You’re not god. There’s always pain. Never knowing you would have been painful, too, even if I’d never realized what was missing.” She was wrong about that. She and Jacob would have been very happy for the rest of their short lives if he’d never introduced himself. The only thing he could do to make up for it now was to endeavor to make Bella happier than she had ever imagined.
Jacob chose that moment to arrive, filling up the whole doorway with his massive body.
It might be hard to make her incandescently happy for a while.
Edward moved from underneath Bella and settled her against the mattress again. “I’ll leave you alone together,” he said and carefully moved around Jacob out the door. His every instinct screamed to never leave them alone again, but he forced himself to keep moving until he couldn’t hear them any longer.
She would choose Jacob. Or she might not. Now that she knew everything, she truly deserved to choose for herself what she wanted.
//
Jacob looked like he’d just been through battle: violet shadows under his eyes, sweat and dirt stains on his clothes, his whole body slumped down and forward. Bella ached to take him into her arms and make him feel better, but she knew she couldn’t. She would never be able to do that again.
For a few moments, he stood in the doorway, staring down and shuffling his feet. “Jake,” she said and he walked to her and dropped down to his knees at the side of the bed in one fluid motion.
“Bella, I’m so sorry,” he whispered into her stomach.
She rubbed her hand over the soft fuzz of his hair. “You didn’t do anything wrong. You didn’t want to hurt me. I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine.” He ran light fingertips over the cuts through her hospital gown, her skin hotter where it was healing, his even hotter than that.
“You lost control. That’s okay. Even Sam lost control with Emily-”
“But this isn’t going to bring us closer together, is it?”
“Jake, I’ve been lying to you.” She was already crying. “I’ve been spending time with Edward since he helped me with the flat tire. We’ve been friends… or I’ve been trying to convince myself that he’s just my friend, but-”
“You’ve been in love with him since the day you met.”
“What?” She had not expected him to say that at all.
“When you first mentioned that the Cullens had started at your school… there was a tone in your voice. You were different when he moved to town.” He stood up and sat on the edge of the bed, took her hands in his. “Even that day at Olympic National Park, when he saved you from the other leach… sometimes you would bring up that cold feeling like you had witnessed paradise. That was him. I really freaked out when I saw you together in the woods-obviously. But I’ve had all night to think about it and I realized a part of me saw this coming, was making a little mental scrap book of all the ways you were inadvertently preparing me for the letdown.”
“Oh, Jake, I’m so sorry!-”
“But I still think you should pick me. We were happy before the bloodsuckers came here. We’d be happy again. Give yourself some time to get over him and-”
“It would never work,” she said, even though he was probably right. If she worked to take as much of her heart back from Edward as she could and hid them away in a box, really stopped thinking about him, instead of obsessing like she had this last week, she and Jacob could be as happy as anyone. The truth was she didn’t want to stop thinking about Edward.
“Yes, it would! If Cullen had just died like we’re all supposed to-” Bella shivered. “-you and I would have been exactly right together, like flower petals on a stem. We still are!”
It was a beautiful metaphor, but then, in comparison, she and Edward were… crystals inside rock. Edward was the crystal, of course, glittering and perfect, mineral deposits forming for years until the rock was revealed to have the crystal unbreakably connected underneath. She wouldn’t tell Jacob that.
“Jacob, I love you and I want to be with you, but I love Edward and I want to be with Edward more. That’s all there is-”
“You could have children with me!” He straddled her legs and took her face in his hands, forcing her to watch him. “You wouldn’t have to give up Charlie and Renée-”
“Why would I have to-Jake! I’m not going to become a-!” But she realized that she didn’t want to grow old with Edward frozen in his youth and beauty. If she could have forever with him literally, she wanted forever.
Jacob watched the realization on her face. “Yes, you will. If you’re with him. You and I could have a family, take our kids down to your mom, go to Disney World, get baseballs signed for all their friends.” He kissed her softly, then leaned his forehead on hers. “Imagine Charlie and Billy in twenty years, still out on the lake, making their grandchildren listen to all their boring stories-”
She could see their family, two boys and a girl, dark hair, brown eyes, and with a nice healthy skin tone, lined up next to them on the front lawn of a pink stucco house, like a family portrait faxed from the future. But in the corner of that photo, there was a tree and Edward was hiding behind it, watching over her. Even if he wasn’t, Bella would still imagine him there, even twenty years from now, even while she was holding Jacob’s son.
“I can see them, Jake.” Her throat felt like it was going to twist too tight to breathe. Her voice sounded broken to her own ears. She wrenched her face away from his and hid it in his shoulder. She couldn’t look at him, but she made sure to say clearly, “But I love Edward and I want to be with him-more than I want you and them… that perfect future.”
With a puppy-quality whimper, Jacob pulled himself off of her and sat down on a chair, several feet from her bedside.
“Can we still be friends?” she said, weakly. He made the motions of smiling.
“Of course. Maybe-long distance for a while. But as long as you want anything to do with me, I’ll be waiting. If you ever decide you want that life, I’ll want it until they day I die.”
“No, Jake!” She took a deep breath and wiped her eyes with a corner of the sheet. “I’m not worth it. You’re going to find some amazing girl and imprint on her-”
“Maybe.” Staring out the window, his expression and voice were dull. “But I don’t want to. I’d rather be unhappily in love with you than happily in love with someone else. I’m serious; I’m pathetic.”
He squeezed into his front pants pocket and pulled out her bracelet. Bella blushed at the sight. She didn’t want it back. She was terrified of carrying a reminder of what she’d given up. Jacob lifted his foot to the mattress and twisted the bracelet around the band on his ankle. “You can’t have it back,” he said quietly. “I guess I’m saving this for someone else.”
There was a quiet knock on the door. Bella looked up expecting to see Edward, but Charlie was there, wringing his jacket in his hands. “Hey there, kids. I’m here to take Bells home.”
Jacob stood up and cleared his throat. “Billy and I are going to go grocery shopping today, before the Sunday rush. I’ll, uh-I’ll see you guys later.” Without looking at her again, he left the room.
“Wow, Bella.” Charlie’s voice was half-angry at her. “He looked trampled.”
She sighed. “I know.”
//
Fighting instinct forced Edward to stand as Jacob made his way to the front exit, where Edward had been waiting. The dog was angry and on-edge. Battling with his body’s knowledge of a nearby predator, was the euphoria that she had clearly chosen Edward, or Jacob would have been in a much better mood. It was incredibly agitating, like walking on hot coals in the rain.
When he caught sight of Edward, he threw his shoulders back and stalked towards him. When he was within several inches, he stopped and slumped forward again. “It’s not going to do any good,” he whispered.
Edward knew the feeling. If he could have killed Jacob and gotten rid of the problem, he very likely would have done it months ago. “I know.”
Jacob glared at him, then moved to the doors. Edward called out, “Alice called last night.” He’d missed the call while he was in the meadow and finally thought to check his phone as a distraction from Bella’s conversation with Jacob. “Victoria is bringing the army to Forks. They’ll be here by four or five a.m. tomorrow. We’re meeting this afternoon to discuss how to stop them from getting to the town.”
“I’ll tell Sam. We’ll be there.”
“They outnumber us, so-”
Jacob was already walking away. “You can tell us all at the meeting.”
Charlie was leaning outside the door to Bella’s when he arrived. He stood up straight and crossed his arms over his chest when he saw Edward coming, putting him almost at equal height. He cut to the chase. “I don’t know why I didn’t see it coming. I’m not going to lie to you, Edward. I watched Jacob Black grow up and I like him. I liked him with Bella. They fit together.”
“I know that, sir,” he said, trying to sound young and earnest. “I never wanted-I truly wasn’t trying to break them up.”
Sighing, Charlie slid into his natural slouch. “I believe you. You’re a good kid… growing into a good man, far as I can tell. There’s always been a spark between you-no, more like a pilot light, I guess. Are you going to take care of her?”
“Yes, sir-”
Charlie chuckled. “I don’t know why I asked. That’s all you’ve been doing since you arrived.” Not quite. Edward carefully smiled. Charlie gestured to closed door. “Bella’s changing. Want to come over for breakfast?”
“I thought I’d take Bella out to eat,” Edward said. “I’ll treat you both.”
“We’ll take you up on that,” Charlie said and thought, right, wouldn’t want to make her cook or serve her that runny omelet à la Chuck… Edward’s smile solidified.
An elderly nurse, Violet Davies, came by with a wheelchair, a pair of crutches leaning in the seat. She knocked on the door and Bella whimpered loudly from inside. “I can’t get my pants on!” Edward’s hand moved instinctively to the door handle and Nurse Davies slapped his wrist and shook her head at him, then opened the door herself and squeezed through the narrow opening. A few minutes later, the door opened again and Bella limped out.
Bella looked beautiful, her face freshly scrubbed and hair pulled back, and it was an incredible relief to be able to look at her and not have to worry about his expression. If he looked besotted, fucking great. “Hi,” he said, taking her hand in his.
She blushed. “Hi.” She glanced at Charlie and the sternly watching Nurse Davies, then stepped on tiptoes and kissed him. She fell off-balance, of course, not used to the extra weight of the cast, and he caught her in his arms, forcing a longer kiss. He felt her hot little fingertips on the back of his throat like an electric current through his body. Hiding the lower half of his body by hunching as he helped her into the wheelchair and pushing it down the hallway, he demanded his body calm down.
He realized as they walked into the parking lot that his Volvo was still parked in the garage, where it had been for the past week. It was a surprise to see it sitting next to the cruiser. He flipped through his family’s minds, but all of them were focused on the upcoming battle. There was a sheet of paper taped to the steering wheel, the words, “You’re welcome!” written in Alice’s loopy script.
He smiled into Bella’s hair as he helped her into the car, then kissed her quickly behind her ear. He had to kill a group of recently-innocent humans in less than a day, but his life was pretty great today anyway.
Edward followed Charlie to a diner where he watched Bella and her father eat more pancakes than he thought digestible. “I haven’t really eaten in a while…” Bella said, blushing and not looking at him. The guilt was almost overwhelming, making him dizzy and what he thought might be nauseas.
“Hey,” Bella whispered. “You thought you were doing the right thing.”
Charlie cleared his throat and mumbled something about the bathroom as he left the table. The restaurant was mostly empty, seven-thirty on a Saturday morning too late for the truckers, too early for the local families.
“But I wasn’t doing the right thing,” he said, stupidly. What else could he say? He didn’t want to alleviate his guilt. It was an appropriate punishment.
“I forgive you,” she said, rubbed his thigh, and kissed him on the temple. “I love you.”
Her mouth was too close. He couldn’t handle it. After living with Emmett and Rosalie for ninety years, had always assumed he’d be against public displays of affection, but how could he not kiss her when she was right there? Perhaps it was because he’d gone so many months constantly wanting to and never doing it.
She started nipping at his bottom lip and he opened his mouth without thinking, but then her clever tongue was there, her taste a diluted form of her smell, sweetened with the maple syrup, and hot-he pulled away. She just leaned further toward him, so he stood up and walked to the other side of the table.
Out of breath, Bella said, “Wow…” and a shot of masculine pride mixed in with the lust. He took a few breaths of the less-fragrant air and chuckled. He was unsure what he’d been afraid of - killing her or taking her virginity on a linoleum table in front of her father.
Charlie seemed mostly oblivious when he sat down again. The waitress, a girl with heavy eyeliner and ripped black fishnets underneath her sea foam green uniform, smirked at him as she passed them the check. Edward flicked the leather folder out from under Charlie’s hand. “No, Ed! You didn’t even eat anything.”
“Please, sir. I insist.” He put a twenty underneath the receipt and shook out Bella’s coat to help her put it on. Charlie shrugged, smiling.
“Dad, I’m way behind on my Calculus since Edward’s been gone,” Bella said as she stood up. “So I’m going to go to his house and study.”
“Sure, Bells. Just don’t stay out too late.” He squinted at Edward and he nodded firmly back. It was a wonder that fathers thought their daughters could only be ravaged after dark, but if it made him feel better, Edward didn’t mind.
They drove in the car in silence for a few minutes. He held her hand in between their seats and it felt like all his nerves had collected where their skin touched. “Edward,” Bella said. “Do we have to meet up with your family right away?”
“No. Why? Do you actually want to work on Calculus?”
She laughed as she unbuckled her seatbelt. What was she doing? She maneuvered in her seat until she was kneeling, facing him, then made one, surprisingly smooth move of her unbroken leg over his lap. Straddling him now, she ran her gaze up his body and squeezed his shoulders. “No, I don’t want to work on Calculus.”
Edward could drive and play the guitar, drive and change a diaper, drive and form a pot on a potting wheel, all with his eyes closed, no problem. He pulled to the side of the road and turned off the car. This deserved his full attention.
He carefully licked the outline of her lips. She felt like sunshine under his tongue.
The next real thought he had was Alice’s: Edward and Bella are making out on the side of the road! she said to Jasper, driving in her Saab. We’re going to interrupt them. That’s hilarious!
Oh, no they wouldn’t. He broke away from Bella. “Jasper-”
She whimpered and found his mouth again, with wet, slow kisses. He gripped his knees, trying to focus on pulling away from her, but her thighs, her butt, her back were only inches away. Her shirt was pushed up almost past her bra strap, her exposed skin hot and covered in pale, downy soft hair. He ran his finger tips over her spine and she shivered and gasped into his neck. He sucked her earlobe into his mouth.
“Wait, you’re thinking about Jasper right now?” Bella sat upright as she said this, inadvertently grinding her body down into his. Her lips were puffy and bright red, her shirt pulled up in the front, too, her chest heaving, her nipples hard through her shirt.
Edward bent forward, cupping his hand around the back of her head and pressing her against the steering wheel. Starting at her jaw, he moved his lips around her face, down her throat, over her delicate shoulders…
Bella jumped and hit her head on the car ceiling when Alice tapped on the window and smiled manically at them. Rubbing the bump, Edward reorganized her clothes, and set her back in the passenger seat. He turned on the car and pressed the window down.
“Hello, lovebirds!” Edward didn’t respond, just stared at her. “Oh, come on, Edward! Like you haven’t helpfully forgotten your talent for checking if we’re busy and-”
“Take my bedroom, I reserve the right to walk in on you in bed.”
“Dawdle for strategy-planning,” Jasper said, “And I reserve the right to-”
Bella was going to explode if she got any redder. “Thank you, Jasper,” Edward said. “We’ll just go, then?”
“Oh, Alice!” Bella awkwardly climbed back into a kneeling position on her seat. For a moment, Edward was afraid she was going to kiss him in front of them out of rebellion, but then she bent into the backseat. “I ruined your dress.”
“What dress?”
She handed her a folded pile of dusty blue fabric. “The blue dress you let me borrow.”
“Oh, that dress is yours.”
“You said you bought it for you!”
“I just said that to get you to take it.” Alice rolled her eyes, completely unashamed.
Bella sputtered. “I-then I want to pay for it.”
“No! I wouldn’t let you pay for a real dress, let alone that thing, torn to shreds.”
Edward grinned. There was no logic in that. It took a few seconds for Bella to think of how to respond: “Yes!”
“Okay, fine.” Edward huffed at her and Alice waved him off. “It was forty dollars.”
“Please. The headbands in that store were fifty.”
“Really? What a bargain.” Grumbling, Bella bent in the back again and took her wallet out of her purse. She’d taken a few twenties out at the bank on Tuesday, Edward remembered. “No, no, don’t pay me now. I don’t have my purse.”
Edward started the car. “Come on, let’s go strategize.”
“But!” Bella said, as Alice and Jasper skipped back to their car and he pulled back on the road.
Fandom/Pairing: Twilight, Edward/Bella
Rating: PG-13
Category: Romance, Drama
Spoilers: AU, but there are references to all four books. You'll probably just glance over them if you haven't read BD, however.
Summary: In an alternate universe, the Cullens stayed in Alaska for three more years than in the books, so Bella spends the end of her junior year in Forks without Edward. How will she deal with her inevitable feelings for him when she's already dating Jacob and mostly happy with her life?
x-posted at lion_lamb, Twilighted, and ff.net
Chapter 12: The Truth
She was shouting at him. A week of torture and now she was shouting at him.
It felt amazing.
“How could you leave!” She was standing several feet from him, waving her arms. He could feel her heat, her pulse from her. With several open wounds, he was hungry for her, but the icy air had forced them all to clot early, just a tease of dead blood cells. “You saved my life again and again, you were always there, just-looking at me, and you-why? Because you had a crush? And then you just left? Why!”
She wasn’t exactly making sense, but he said, “Why what?” more because he didn’t know what to tell her. The truth about why he treated her terribly and then left her without decent explanation? Tell her that he didn’t leave and saw that his desperate hope that she would lose any affection she had for him in anger hadn’t happened at all? The truth that he loved her?
“Why-everything!” If their strength levels had been reversed, she would have killed him with her gaze. “Why are you here right now?”
He shrugged. This was another question he could edge around. “You were lost in the woods. I was worried.”
“You were worried? Because I was lost in the woods! Be worried that you left me alone-”
“I didn’t leave you alone-”
“You left me without you! What the hell else matters, Edward?” She stomped towards him and slapped him in the chest. He moved with her, maintaining contact, but keeping her from hurting herself. “Without you… it’s a half life. It’s getting by. It’s been destroying me! You can’t just come into my life and then leave because I don’t mean enough to you.”
She was so close to him and her words gave him such hope… he couldn’t help being honest this time. “You mean everything-!”
“Everything! I hope you’re lying because at least if I don’t mean anything, there’s some excuse for the way you’ve treated me.”
That he was the cause of her unhappiness since the second strategy meeting had been eating away at him, but there had been an excuse for his actions. He moved to grab her arms, then forced himself not to touch her. “No! Jasper almost killed you and-”
“I’m sorry!” Eyes glossy, she crossed her arms over her chest and walked slowly away from him. “It was about the temptation of my blood? You know I can’t help it! I-”
“Don’t apologize!” He followed her, his hand hovering above her shoulder. “You aren’t doing anything wrong! I am putting you in danger! All the time. I had to leave you alone.”
“That’s why you left?” Her voice was soft now.
“Of course that’s why I left. Everything I said… was it really just a week ago? I lied. I’ve never had a crush on you. I’m in love with you. I love you in a way I didn’t know existed before I met you. It’s as if you fill up all these spaces in my soul I didn’t know were there. That’s why I left. Or-didn’t leave. I’ve been following you around. I’ve been spending the night outside your bedroom for months, but… I’ve been crouching below the windows of your classes, walking along the border of La Push when you’re with Jacob, running a few yards behind your car… I’m sorry. I never wanted you to have to deal with this. I know you love Jacob-” She spun around suddenly, took his face in her hands.
“No, I love you. I mean, I do love Jacob, but with you…” She blushed and let out a shaky breath. “You fill up my holes too.”
He had no idea what to say. Had he died and there was paradise for the damned? How could this be real?
A frown settled on Bella’s face. Using his neck as leverage, she tried to pull herself up. Instinctually, he wrapped his arm around her waist and helped her. Once their faces were even with one another, she took a deep breath and kissed him. Shocked, he dropped her. She squealed and slipped as her feet hit the ground, falling backwards. Laughter bubbled up inside of him. This was real. He caught her half way to the ground and lifted her back into position.
Faces inches apart, they stared at one another while Bella caught her breath. She shimmied her arms out of his grasp and put her hands back on his face, running her fingers over the lines of his bones. “Once,” she said quietly. “I made Jacob come in his pants.” He growled and wanted to squeeze her tighter, but he would have hurt her and his muscles wouldn’t let him. “But if I ever need proof of my sexual prowess, it’s just now. I made the manipulative, overprotective vampire drop me when I kissed him.”
Cocky little human. He kissed her. Outdoing him again, she grabbed his hair and pulled him closer, opened her mouth and made a little whimpering noise. Her lips, hot and soft against his, felt incredible, but her taste… made him want to eat her. He wrenched his face away from hers and tried to inhale something else, but she was too close. Not even the lingering wolf-smell made it better. He set her more carefully on the ground and ran to the other side of the meadow and took a few deep breaths of the fresh air.
“I’m sorry!” she called out, too loudly, but she probably couldn’t see anything in the darkness.
“Please, don’t apologize,” he said as he walked back to her. She was shivering, he realized. Of course she was in this weather. He ran his hands up and down her arms, hoping the friction could warm her despite his temperature. “Maybe we should go-”
For the first time since he became a vampire, his sense of smell didn’t alert him to the problem. It was the roar that told him that Jacob was behind him and furious.
Taking a few steps form Edward, Bella tried to reason with Jacob but he was animalistic, beyond even full sentences in his thoughts. “Jake!” she said and his response was, Love her. Mine! Why is he here? Away! Make him go away. Mine! Jacob’s gaze was shooting from Edward to Bella, his giant body trembling, taking unsteady steps towards them.
Edward said her name slowly. “Go away. Go into the woods until it’s quiet here.”
“No!” she said, but he stared at her until she took a few steps back.
Jacob’s gaze trained on Bella and Edward realized he’d done the wrong thing. Mine! he thought and, with a roar, jumped towards Bella. Edward leaped in between them, but Jacob was huge and all Edward accomplished was adding more weight on top of Bella. He heard a bone crack as Jacob’s giant paw reared back and Edward made another mistake. In an effort to push the fight off of Bella, he rammed Jacob forward and the striking claws missed Edward and came down on Bella’s hip as he flew backwards across the meadow.
Bella shouted in pain. Bella’s hurt? Jacob thought. I hurt Bella. He phased back into human form and stalked to where Edward was cradling Bella. The wounds were superficial, made through her down jacket, but Edward was still furious and met Jacob halfway.
Glad that he was more vulnerable, or at least smaller, in his naked human body, Edward grabbed Jacob’s arms and jumped, kicking Jacob in the chest, the force against his shoulders pulling his arms out of their sockets. Without waiting for a response, Edward took Bella back up in his arms and ran as fast as he could towards the hospital.
Frustratingly, Carlisle was working tonight, so they would have to go through official channels to clean her up. Edward ran until he hit the hedges around the building, then went at a human speed toward the E.R. entrance. “She was attacked by a bear,” he told the first nurse he saw. “Where’s Dr. Cullen?”
The hallway was near empty and every nurse in sight went into a frenzy, getting her a wheelchair and pulling out carts of medical supplies. Carlisle calmly put down a magazine and walked towards them.
“What happened?” he said, smoothing her hair away from her forehead. Bella opened her eyes and clearly tried to smile, though came off as more of a wince.
“Jacob,” he said, too low to be heard by anyone else. Carlisle nodded, unsurprised. “He and I landed on top of her, broke something. He scratched her, here,” He gestured to the shredded edge of the parka and her blood-soaked blue dress. “And I’m sure she’s freezing.”
Carlisle moved each of her legs, delicately. “Is it-” She sucked in a breath. Edward pressed several hard kisses to her head, grateful that he had some leave to do that now. “Yep, the left fibula.” With one unnaturally firm, steady hand, Carlisle held her leg still while he examined the cuts. “They’re not too deep,” he said. “I bet they burn, though, don’t they?” He used an over-fluctuated voice meant for children, making Bella smile and nod.
A hyper little nurse insisted that he put Bella in the wheelchair and he followed her entourage until they reached the sign, HOSPITAL PERSONNEL ONLY. Carlisle grimaced sympathetically, but told him to sit tight. “She’ll be fine.”
He knew she’d be fine! He just wanted to stay with her. As it turned out, Carlisle’s authority had done nothing to speed up hospital proceedings since last spring. Did it really take so long to set a leg and put a cast on it? Keep the family away when the patient might crash, he understood that, but why keep them away when she was going to be fine, Carlisle? What could he complicate by being there?
When the nurses settled Bella in a room and Carlisle left to bring Edward to her, he stood up and started down the hallway to meet Carlisle halfway. Grinning ruefully when he saw him, Carlisle ruffled his hair and turned around in pace with Edward. “I’m glad you’re back,” he said. “Are you going to tell her you love her?”
“I already have,” he said, surprised himself that the conversation in the meadow had really happened.
“You guys going steady now?” If he could have blushed, he would have. As it was, the venom swirled underneath his cheeks.
“I don’t know,” he said and bumped Carlisle in the side.
Already grinning, Carlisle burst out laughing. “Edward, I don’t believe I’ve ever heard you sound like a petulant teenager before just now. That’s good. She’s good for you.”
Edward wasn’t embarrassed at that. It was simply true.
He hated the smell of hospitals. Cleaning solution, bleach, latex, sweat, and old blood. Even as he had to force back the desire to kill her, Bella’s incredible scent was a relief as they neared her door and walked in.
She looked tiny and battered underneath the powder blue blanket. Her eyes opened at the sound of their footsteps and she smiled as he came close to her. “Edward!”
He chuckled as he took her hand in his and kissed her palm. “You sound surprised.”
“No,” she sighed, closing her eyes again. “Just happy.”
“Do you think Jacob will come to the hospital?” Carlisle said.
“Probably.” Edward’s voice was low. He hadn’t gone into Jacob’s thoughts since the fight. He was worried about his own self control in not finding him and inflicting some permanent damage. Better to be surprised when and if he came here tonight, letting the sterile, public hospital atmosphere help him keep calm.
“One of the nurses called the police to report the bear attack, so Charlie-” There was a bustle outside the room and then Charlie was in the doorway, out of breath, his blue uniform shirt off-buttoned and half-tucked into his pants.
“Hello, Chief Swan.”
“Edward!” Charlie said, delighted to see him. His fear was cut in half just by Edward’s presence. My girl got a guardian angel when the Cullens came to town. Kind, stupid man. “You’re back!”
“Um-yes, sir. I wanted to make it back for the scholarship ceremony, but my plane was delayed in a snow storm. I got back in town a half hour after it ended.”
“Snow in Alaska, imagine that.” He chuckled at his own joke, watching Bella’s sleepy face with soft eyes. “No wonder she ran off the second the reporters left her alone.” Charlie’s mind ran through her interview with Sally Mallory, which he’d seen from a distance, but had to stay too far away to hear. Sea otters. Hah. “She really felt you leaving, you know, Ed. She’s been moping-”
Entirely for Charlie’s benefit, Bella said, “Dad!” and squinted at him.
“I don’t plan on leaving her again, sir.” Edward said this for Bella’s benefit. “If the sea otters of Northern Alaska need me again, we’ll help them together.”
Charlie frowned. “I don’t know about that. Bell’s has some bad luck, you know? If she can get attacked by a bear in Forks, who knows what’ll come after her in the wilds? She’s okay, isn’t she?” he said, turning to Carlisle.
“Absolutely.” He smiled and squeezed Charlie’s shoulder. “Just sore and tired. She could probably go home tonight, but-”
“Let her sleep. I bet you’re tired too, huh?” he said to Edward. “Carrying her from-hey, where did you two manage to get attacked by a bear?”
Shrugging, he said smoothly, “Just taking a walk. We didn’t notice how dark it was getting, I guess, and the next thing I knew there was a growl and a black bear running out of the forest. I really didn’t see very much… I grabbed Bella the first chance I could and ran. It was lucky she didn’t try to chase us. I think she might have just woken her up from hibernation.” Edward got a little kick from calling Jacob a woman.
Charlie pulled a pad out of his back pocket and wrote his description down. After asking a few more simple questions, he replaced the pad and flopped down on a chair by Bella’s bed. She had fallen asleep with her hand in Edward’s and a few times a minute she squeezed it a little tighter.
The night wore on. Charlie called the station with report of the bear of attack. Carlisle came in to check on Bella’s statistics, although Edward noticed every fluctuation in her breathing and heart rate. At ten-thirty, Charlie fell asleep and at eleven, he flailed awake again. “What-? Oh, mmm-” He stretched. “Ed, you going home soon? It’s late.”
“I suppose so, sir,” he agreed, to encourage Charlie to leave and get a good night’s sleep. He stood. “Can I walk you to your car?”
“Sure, sure. Thanks.” They said goodbye to Carlisle, stretched out on two chairs and frowning at Us Weekly, on the way out the door. Standing in the open door of Carlisle’s Mercedes, he waved until the cruiser was out of sight, then went back inside to Bella’s room. For once, he was grateful for Forks Community Hospital’s relatively lax policies, as one nod from Dr. Cullen let Edward stay all night long. In a bigger city, he would have had to sneak in and hide from the orderlies, an annoying waste of time.
Bella stirred awake early the next morning. Edward left her side to close the window blinds against the brightening white sky and when he turned back, she was watching him. “Good morning, beauty. How do you feel?”
“Wonderful,” she said, shivery-stretching in to the mattress, like a cat. “You’re here.”
“I think they have you on some painkillers,” he said, smiling helplessly. She rolled her eyes at him. “Do you want something to eat?”
“A hospital tray sounds pretty unappetizing. When can I break out of here?”
“Any time you’d like.” He wished he’d thought to run to her house for a fresh set of clothes. He sat down beside her and took her hand between his, ran a finger down a curving blue vein to her wrist and- “What happened to your bracelet?”
She frowned at him, blinked at her wrist. There was a barely perceptible tan line from where the bracelet used to rest. “I must have lost it in the woods.”
Ready to offer to find it and bring it back to her, it was suddenly obvious that her heart rate was speeding up. What was wrong? “Are you-”
“I’m going to break up with Jacob!” she exploded, eyes wide, then relaxed against her pillows again.
Edward’s first thing he wanted was to pull her into his arms and twirl her around, but the last thing he wanted was for her to make a hasty decision that she would regret later. “Bella, he was a little out of his mind last night-”
“No, it’s not because of that.” Frowning, she reached out and grabbed his hand, pondering each of his fingers slowly. She said finally, “I-want to kiss you and I don’t want to feel guilty when I do it.”
That was exactly the motivation of a hasty decision. “Fleeting desires-”
“Edward!” Glaring now, she took his face in her hands and brought it closer to hers. “I’ve wanted to kiss you every day since I met you.” With heartbreaking sweetness, she kissed his forehead. “I want to kiss you every day for the rest of my life. I want to kiss you more than I’ve ever wanted to do anything.”
“You’re eighteen,” he whispered, unable to make a move away from her.
“Edward!” She matched his pitch. “You, with all your grand experience, said last night that I complete you. So you have to complete me. That’s how that works.”
“H-how would you know?”
“Please.” Tears were dripping down her cheeks, her voice was broken. Edward swiftly slid underneath the sheets and pulled her on top of him, rubbing a soothing hand over her hair and her back. What incredible heat!
“Anything,” he promised.
“It’s hard enough ending my relationship with Jacob without having to convince you it’s the right thing to do. It’s the only thing to do. I should have done it the day we met-saved everyone a lot of pain.”
“You never even saw me the day we met,” he reminded her. “I should have stayed away. That would have saved you and Jacob from any pain.”
“You’re not god. There’s always pain. Never knowing you would have been painful, too, even if I’d never realized what was missing.” She was wrong about that. She and Jacob would have been very happy for the rest of their short lives if he’d never introduced himself. The only thing he could do to make up for it now was to endeavor to make Bella happier than she had ever imagined.
Jacob chose that moment to arrive, filling up the whole doorway with his massive body.
It might be hard to make her incandescently happy for a while.
Edward moved from underneath Bella and settled her against the mattress again. “I’ll leave you alone together,” he said and carefully moved around Jacob out the door. His every instinct screamed to never leave them alone again, but he forced himself to keep moving until he couldn’t hear them any longer.
She would choose Jacob. Or she might not. Now that she knew everything, she truly deserved to choose for herself what she wanted.
//
Jacob looked like he’d just been through battle: violet shadows under his eyes, sweat and dirt stains on his clothes, his whole body slumped down and forward. Bella ached to take him into her arms and make him feel better, but she knew she couldn’t. She would never be able to do that again.
For a few moments, he stood in the doorway, staring down and shuffling his feet. “Jake,” she said and he walked to her and dropped down to his knees at the side of the bed in one fluid motion.
“Bella, I’m so sorry,” he whispered into her stomach.
She rubbed her hand over the soft fuzz of his hair. “You didn’t do anything wrong. You didn’t want to hurt me. I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine.” He ran light fingertips over the cuts through her hospital gown, her skin hotter where it was healing, his even hotter than that.
“You lost control. That’s okay. Even Sam lost control with Emily-”
“But this isn’t going to bring us closer together, is it?”
“Jake, I’ve been lying to you.” She was already crying. “I’ve been spending time with Edward since he helped me with the flat tire. We’ve been friends… or I’ve been trying to convince myself that he’s just my friend, but-”
“You’ve been in love with him since the day you met.”
“What?” She had not expected him to say that at all.
“When you first mentioned that the Cullens had started at your school… there was a tone in your voice. You were different when he moved to town.” He stood up and sat on the edge of the bed, took her hands in his. “Even that day at Olympic National Park, when he saved you from the other leach… sometimes you would bring up that cold feeling like you had witnessed paradise. That was him. I really freaked out when I saw you together in the woods-obviously. But I’ve had all night to think about it and I realized a part of me saw this coming, was making a little mental scrap book of all the ways you were inadvertently preparing me for the letdown.”
“Oh, Jake, I’m so sorry!-”
“But I still think you should pick me. We were happy before the bloodsuckers came here. We’d be happy again. Give yourself some time to get over him and-”
“It would never work,” she said, even though he was probably right. If she worked to take as much of her heart back from Edward as she could and hid them away in a box, really stopped thinking about him, instead of obsessing like she had this last week, she and Jacob could be as happy as anyone. The truth was she didn’t want to stop thinking about Edward.
“Yes, it would! If Cullen had just died like we’re all supposed to-” Bella shivered. “-you and I would have been exactly right together, like flower petals on a stem. We still are!”
It was a beautiful metaphor, but then, in comparison, she and Edward were… crystals inside rock. Edward was the crystal, of course, glittering and perfect, mineral deposits forming for years until the rock was revealed to have the crystal unbreakably connected underneath. She wouldn’t tell Jacob that.
“Jacob, I love you and I want to be with you, but I love Edward and I want to be with Edward more. That’s all there is-”
“You could have children with me!” He straddled her legs and took her face in his hands, forcing her to watch him. “You wouldn’t have to give up Charlie and Renée-”
“Why would I have to-Jake! I’m not going to become a-!” But she realized that she didn’t want to grow old with Edward frozen in his youth and beauty. If she could have forever with him literally, she wanted forever.
Jacob watched the realization on her face. “Yes, you will. If you’re with him. You and I could have a family, take our kids down to your mom, go to Disney World, get baseballs signed for all their friends.” He kissed her softly, then leaned his forehead on hers. “Imagine Charlie and Billy in twenty years, still out on the lake, making their grandchildren listen to all their boring stories-”
She could see their family, two boys and a girl, dark hair, brown eyes, and with a nice healthy skin tone, lined up next to them on the front lawn of a pink stucco house, like a family portrait faxed from the future. But in the corner of that photo, there was a tree and Edward was hiding behind it, watching over her. Even if he wasn’t, Bella would still imagine him there, even twenty years from now, even while she was holding Jacob’s son.
“I can see them, Jake.” Her throat felt like it was going to twist too tight to breathe. Her voice sounded broken to her own ears. She wrenched her face away from his and hid it in his shoulder. She couldn’t look at him, but she made sure to say clearly, “But I love Edward and I want to be with him-more than I want you and them… that perfect future.”
With a puppy-quality whimper, Jacob pulled himself off of her and sat down on a chair, several feet from her bedside.
“Can we still be friends?” she said, weakly. He made the motions of smiling.
“Of course. Maybe-long distance for a while. But as long as you want anything to do with me, I’ll be waiting. If you ever decide you want that life, I’ll want it until they day I die.”
“No, Jake!” She took a deep breath and wiped her eyes with a corner of the sheet. “I’m not worth it. You’re going to find some amazing girl and imprint on her-”
“Maybe.” Staring out the window, his expression and voice were dull. “But I don’t want to. I’d rather be unhappily in love with you than happily in love with someone else. I’m serious; I’m pathetic.”
He squeezed into his front pants pocket and pulled out her bracelet. Bella blushed at the sight. She didn’t want it back. She was terrified of carrying a reminder of what she’d given up. Jacob lifted his foot to the mattress and twisted the bracelet around the band on his ankle. “You can’t have it back,” he said quietly. “I guess I’m saving this for someone else.”
There was a quiet knock on the door. Bella looked up expecting to see Edward, but Charlie was there, wringing his jacket in his hands. “Hey there, kids. I’m here to take Bells home.”
Jacob stood up and cleared his throat. “Billy and I are going to go grocery shopping today, before the Sunday rush. I’ll, uh-I’ll see you guys later.” Without looking at her again, he left the room.
“Wow, Bella.” Charlie’s voice was half-angry at her. “He looked trampled.”
She sighed. “I know.”
//
Fighting instinct forced Edward to stand as Jacob made his way to the front exit, where Edward had been waiting. The dog was angry and on-edge. Battling with his body’s knowledge of a nearby predator, was the euphoria that she had clearly chosen Edward, or Jacob would have been in a much better mood. It was incredibly agitating, like walking on hot coals in the rain.
When he caught sight of Edward, he threw his shoulders back and stalked towards him. When he was within several inches, he stopped and slumped forward again. “It’s not going to do any good,” he whispered.
Edward knew the feeling. If he could have killed Jacob and gotten rid of the problem, he very likely would have done it months ago. “I know.”
Jacob glared at him, then moved to the doors. Edward called out, “Alice called last night.” He’d missed the call while he was in the meadow and finally thought to check his phone as a distraction from Bella’s conversation with Jacob. “Victoria is bringing the army to Forks. They’ll be here by four or five a.m. tomorrow. We’re meeting this afternoon to discuss how to stop them from getting to the town.”
“I’ll tell Sam. We’ll be there.”
“They outnumber us, so-”
Jacob was already walking away. “You can tell us all at the meeting.”
Charlie was leaning outside the door to Bella’s when he arrived. He stood up straight and crossed his arms over his chest when he saw Edward coming, putting him almost at equal height. He cut to the chase. “I don’t know why I didn’t see it coming. I’m not going to lie to you, Edward. I watched Jacob Black grow up and I like him. I liked him with Bella. They fit together.”
“I know that, sir,” he said, trying to sound young and earnest. “I never wanted-I truly wasn’t trying to break them up.”
Sighing, Charlie slid into his natural slouch. “I believe you. You’re a good kid… growing into a good man, far as I can tell. There’s always been a spark between you-no, more like a pilot light, I guess. Are you going to take care of her?”
“Yes, sir-”
Charlie chuckled. “I don’t know why I asked. That’s all you’ve been doing since you arrived.” Not quite. Edward carefully smiled. Charlie gestured to closed door. “Bella’s changing. Want to come over for breakfast?”
“I thought I’d take Bella out to eat,” Edward said. “I’ll treat you both.”
“We’ll take you up on that,” Charlie said and thought, right, wouldn’t want to make her cook or serve her that runny omelet à la Chuck… Edward’s smile solidified.
An elderly nurse, Violet Davies, came by with a wheelchair, a pair of crutches leaning in the seat. She knocked on the door and Bella whimpered loudly from inside. “I can’t get my pants on!” Edward’s hand moved instinctively to the door handle and Nurse Davies slapped his wrist and shook her head at him, then opened the door herself and squeezed through the narrow opening. A few minutes later, the door opened again and Bella limped out.
Bella looked beautiful, her face freshly scrubbed and hair pulled back, and it was an incredible relief to be able to look at her and not have to worry about his expression. If he looked besotted, fucking great. “Hi,” he said, taking her hand in his.
She blushed. “Hi.” She glanced at Charlie and the sternly watching Nurse Davies, then stepped on tiptoes and kissed him. She fell off-balance, of course, not used to the extra weight of the cast, and he caught her in his arms, forcing a longer kiss. He felt her hot little fingertips on the back of his throat like an electric current through his body. Hiding the lower half of his body by hunching as he helped her into the wheelchair and pushing it down the hallway, he demanded his body calm down.
He realized as they walked into the parking lot that his Volvo was still parked in the garage, where it had been for the past week. It was a surprise to see it sitting next to the cruiser. He flipped through his family’s minds, but all of them were focused on the upcoming battle. There was a sheet of paper taped to the steering wheel, the words, “You’re welcome!” written in Alice’s loopy script.
He smiled into Bella’s hair as he helped her into the car, then kissed her quickly behind her ear. He had to kill a group of recently-innocent humans in less than a day, but his life was pretty great today anyway.
Edward followed Charlie to a diner where he watched Bella and her father eat more pancakes than he thought digestible. “I haven’t really eaten in a while…” Bella said, blushing and not looking at him. The guilt was almost overwhelming, making him dizzy and what he thought might be nauseas.
“Hey,” Bella whispered. “You thought you were doing the right thing.”
Charlie cleared his throat and mumbled something about the bathroom as he left the table. The restaurant was mostly empty, seven-thirty on a Saturday morning too late for the truckers, too early for the local families.
“But I wasn’t doing the right thing,” he said, stupidly. What else could he say? He didn’t want to alleviate his guilt. It was an appropriate punishment.
“I forgive you,” she said, rubbed his thigh, and kissed him on the temple. “I love you.”
Her mouth was too close. He couldn’t handle it. After living with Emmett and Rosalie for ninety years, had always assumed he’d be against public displays of affection, but how could he not kiss her when she was right there? Perhaps it was because he’d gone so many months constantly wanting to and never doing it.
She started nipping at his bottom lip and he opened his mouth without thinking, but then her clever tongue was there, her taste a diluted form of her smell, sweetened with the maple syrup, and hot-he pulled away. She just leaned further toward him, so he stood up and walked to the other side of the table.
Out of breath, Bella said, “Wow…” and a shot of masculine pride mixed in with the lust. He took a few breaths of the less-fragrant air and chuckled. He was unsure what he’d been afraid of - killing her or taking her virginity on a linoleum table in front of her father.
Charlie seemed mostly oblivious when he sat down again. The waitress, a girl with heavy eyeliner and ripped black fishnets underneath her sea foam green uniform, smirked at him as she passed them the check. Edward flicked the leather folder out from under Charlie’s hand. “No, Ed! You didn’t even eat anything.”
“Please, sir. I insist.” He put a twenty underneath the receipt and shook out Bella’s coat to help her put it on. Charlie shrugged, smiling.
“Dad, I’m way behind on my Calculus since Edward’s been gone,” Bella said as she stood up. “So I’m going to go to his house and study.”
“Sure, Bells. Just don’t stay out too late.” He squinted at Edward and he nodded firmly back. It was a wonder that fathers thought their daughters could only be ravaged after dark, but if it made him feel better, Edward didn’t mind.
They drove in the car in silence for a few minutes. He held her hand in between their seats and it felt like all his nerves had collected where their skin touched. “Edward,” Bella said. “Do we have to meet up with your family right away?”
“No. Why? Do you actually want to work on Calculus?”
She laughed as she unbuckled her seatbelt. What was she doing? She maneuvered in her seat until she was kneeling, facing him, then made one, surprisingly smooth move of her unbroken leg over his lap. Straddling him now, she ran her gaze up his body and squeezed his shoulders. “No, I don’t want to work on Calculus.”
Edward could drive and play the guitar, drive and change a diaper, drive and form a pot on a potting wheel, all with his eyes closed, no problem. He pulled to the side of the road and turned off the car. This deserved his full attention.
He carefully licked the outline of her lips. She felt like sunshine under his tongue.
The next real thought he had was Alice’s: Edward and Bella are making out on the side of the road! she said to Jasper, driving in her Saab. We’re going to interrupt them. That’s hilarious!
Oh, no they wouldn’t. He broke away from Bella. “Jasper-”
She whimpered and found his mouth again, with wet, slow kisses. He gripped his knees, trying to focus on pulling away from her, but her thighs, her butt, her back were only inches away. Her shirt was pushed up almost past her bra strap, her exposed skin hot and covered in pale, downy soft hair. He ran his finger tips over her spine and she shivered and gasped into his neck. He sucked her earlobe into his mouth.
“Wait, you’re thinking about Jasper right now?” Bella sat upright as she said this, inadvertently grinding her body down into his. Her lips were puffy and bright red, her shirt pulled up in the front, too, her chest heaving, her nipples hard through her shirt.
Edward bent forward, cupping his hand around the back of her head and pressing her against the steering wheel. Starting at her jaw, he moved his lips around her face, down her throat, over her delicate shoulders…
Bella jumped and hit her head on the car ceiling when Alice tapped on the window and smiled manically at them. Rubbing the bump, Edward reorganized her clothes, and set her back in the passenger seat. He turned on the car and pressed the window down.
“Hello, lovebirds!” Edward didn’t respond, just stared at her. “Oh, come on, Edward! Like you haven’t helpfully forgotten your talent for checking if we’re busy and-”
“Take my bedroom, I reserve the right to walk in on you in bed.”
“Dawdle for strategy-planning,” Jasper said, “And I reserve the right to-”
Bella was going to explode if she got any redder. “Thank you, Jasper,” Edward said. “We’ll just go, then?”
“Oh, Alice!” Bella awkwardly climbed back into a kneeling position on her seat. For a moment, Edward was afraid she was going to kiss him in front of them out of rebellion, but then she bent into the backseat. “I ruined your dress.”
“What dress?”
She handed her a folded pile of dusty blue fabric. “The blue dress you let me borrow.”
“Oh, that dress is yours.”
“You said you bought it for you!”
“I just said that to get you to take it.” Alice rolled her eyes, completely unashamed.
Bella sputtered. “I-then I want to pay for it.”
“No! I wouldn’t let you pay for a real dress, let alone that thing, torn to shreds.”
Edward grinned. There was no logic in that. It took a few seconds for Bella to think of how to respond: “Yes!”
“Okay, fine.” Edward huffed at her and Alice waved him off. “It was forty dollars.”
“Please. The headbands in that store were fifty.”
“Really? What a bargain.” Grumbling, Bella bent in the back again and took her wallet out of her purse. She’d taken a few twenties out at the bank on Tuesday, Edward remembered. “No, no, don’t pay me now. I don’t have my purse.”
Edward started the car. “Come on, let’s go strategize.”
“But!” Bella said, as Alice and Jasper skipped back to their car and he pulled back on the road.