(no subject)
I realize its been about a month since I last updated, and really, not a whole lot has gone on out of the ordinary. I've hung out with Meagan a lot, and thats been great, I've done some moving, still need to do some unpacking, and hung out some with G, Bob, Pete, and maybe Ashley once... I've missed those guys though, and its been fun.
In other news, Daniel and Jonathan are rolling through Denton this weekend, which will be cool in a bucket, so with any luck I'll get a chance to talk to them. Overall its been a good summer so far, my classes are going well, work is going well, and I've managed not to adjust the number of hours I sleep from my normal semester totals. Its been good. Exausted by friday, sleep until horrible hours on saturday, repeat.
I don't know how many people still read this, probably not that many since most have moved over to myspace, which unfortunately, I also have one to keep in touch with those who don't communicate like normal humans.
So I didn't just make this because I felt the need to discuss my life, I'm feeling slightly contemplative so here it goes...
First and foremost, I miss a lot of people. I spen a lot of time with Meagan, but you have to understand, after this month, I only get to see her maybe once a month until christmas. Its kind of sucky, thus, the crappiness of distance relationships, but I don't regret it one bit. [mushy moment] I really do love her, and she means the world to me [/mush].
That being out of the way, I miss hanging out with people. I feel like I've grown so much farther away from so many people, I don't feel nearly as close to my other friends as I used to, and it seems like Meagan and G and Pete are the only people that I don't live with that I hang out with much. Not that I'm nesecerrily saying thats a bad thing, they're all awesome people, I just miss some of my high school friends. You know, the ones who you were going to keep in touch with, the ones you were going to hang out with when you were in town, all those. Its so hard when you fall out of touch with people to just pick up, and maybe I was disillusioned about that, that everything would be the same with everyone when I came back for the summer, that we'd all just hang out, and party, and the old groups I'd hung out with would all be intact, completely the same... but thats not how it works. You drift away from your friends. You realize the common thread you had with them was school, and when thats gone, sure you do a little bit of keeping in touch, but outside of that, it just kind of falls away... Its sad really. Sometimes I feel unconfortable around them, because so much has happened, and I just wasn't a part of it. We have so little in common anymore than we used to hang out. Its tough, and kind of hard for me to swallow I guess. Even my good friends have changed so much, I don't remember the last time me, alex, andy, daniel, and jonatahn just sat around, and acted stupid... Everyone seems so different, and i feel so the same... did I just not grow up? Is this the person I'm going to be? Is that a good thing?
School scares me. I'm not a social person. It was easier last year, especially in the freshman building. Almost no groups, cliques, nothing, just people who were equally as scared and lonely as you. Then something happened. Something that I was afraid of. Groups formed. And I didn't catch the bandwagon... I don't have a regular group I hang out with. I don't have any clubs, I'm not a huge partier. It seems like I didn't make any friends who were what I would consider close. How did I even get them before? They just kind of fell into my lap, well, I'm still waiting for them to fall into my lap I guess. I don't like sticking myself out there, but I really don't feel like I belong to any group. The only people I've really met have been through Justin and Nigel, I mean, Yochevid, Mae, Jerry, Matt, that about covers all the people I ever hang out with at school... and those were all through Justin. Maybe I need to find an activity. Maybe I should just sit around all day at random spots on campus until someone strikes up a conversation. I don't like to start conversations, because I don't like to carry them, and I never know what to make small talk about. I don't like sports, I don't watch a lot of tv shows, and I don't keep horribly up on current events. And I am not going to talk purely about "nerdy crap", because even I have a limit. I'm afraid that when I go back, I'm going to be all alone. Meagan will be hundreds of miles away, and I'll be in my room, alone, the world passing me by, with no friends... I'll end up like a hermit, locked in my room. Maybe thats just who I am, maybe I'd be best locked in a little cubicle for the rest of my life... *shurgs* whatever.
Just as a random side note, to everyone who reads this and knows me, thank you. Thank you for being in my life. Even if you aren't so much anymore, you have no idea how much I appreciate all of you. You have all been there for me at different times, and you have all been there exactly when I needed you, and exactly what I needed you for. I only hope that we don't stop talking and hanging out, and if we have, that sucks, and if we do in the future, that sucks, and we should totally fix that. But seriously, thank you. You are all awesome. I was thinking about that tonight, how many amazing people I've met, and maybe thats why I don't know how I can meet more, because there is such a high standard... I dunno. But you are all amazing. Thank you for everything all of you have ever done for me.
Now I'm going to bed before this gets any worse, cheesier, cornier, or makes people laugh even harder...
In other news, Daniel and Jonathan are rolling through Denton this weekend, which will be cool in a bucket, so with any luck I'll get a chance to talk to them. Overall its been a good summer so far, my classes are going well, work is going well, and I've managed not to adjust the number of hours I sleep from my normal semester totals. Its been good. Exausted by friday, sleep until horrible hours on saturday, repeat.
I don't know how many people still read this, probably not that many since most have moved over to myspace, which unfortunately, I also have one to keep in touch with those who don't communicate like normal humans.
So I didn't just make this because I felt the need to discuss my life, I'm feeling slightly contemplative so here it goes...
First and foremost, I miss a lot of people. I spen a lot of time with Meagan, but you have to understand, after this month, I only get to see her maybe once a month until christmas. Its kind of sucky, thus, the crappiness of distance relationships, but I don't regret it one bit. [mushy moment] I really do love her, and she means the world to me [/mush].
That being out of the way, I miss hanging out with people. I feel like I've grown so much farther away from so many people, I don't feel nearly as close to my other friends as I used to, and it seems like Meagan and G and Pete are the only people that I don't live with that I hang out with much. Not that I'm nesecerrily saying thats a bad thing, they're all awesome people, I just miss some of my high school friends. You know, the ones who you were going to keep in touch with, the ones you were going to hang out with when you were in town, all those. Its so hard when you fall out of touch with people to just pick up, and maybe I was disillusioned about that, that everything would be the same with everyone when I came back for the summer, that we'd all just hang out, and party, and the old groups I'd hung out with would all be intact, completely the same... but thats not how it works. You drift away from your friends. You realize the common thread you had with them was school, and when thats gone, sure you do a little bit of keeping in touch, but outside of that, it just kind of falls away... Its sad really. Sometimes I feel unconfortable around them, because so much has happened, and I just wasn't a part of it. We have so little in common anymore than we used to hang out. Its tough, and kind of hard for me to swallow I guess. Even my good friends have changed so much, I don't remember the last time me, alex, andy, daniel, and jonatahn just sat around, and acted stupid... Everyone seems so different, and i feel so the same... did I just not grow up? Is this the person I'm going to be? Is that a good thing?
School scares me. I'm not a social person. It was easier last year, especially in the freshman building. Almost no groups, cliques, nothing, just people who were equally as scared and lonely as you. Then something happened. Something that I was afraid of. Groups formed. And I didn't catch the bandwagon... I don't have a regular group I hang out with. I don't have any clubs, I'm not a huge partier. It seems like I didn't make any friends who were what I would consider close. How did I even get them before? They just kind of fell into my lap, well, I'm still waiting for them to fall into my lap I guess. I don't like sticking myself out there, but I really don't feel like I belong to any group. The only people I've really met have been through Justin and Nigel, I mean, Yochevid, Mae, Jerry, Matt, that about covers all the people I ever hang out with at school... and those were all through Justin. Maybe I need to find an activity. Maybe I should just sit around all day at random spots on campus until someone strikes up a conversation. I don't like to start conversations, because I don't like to carry them, and I never know what to make small talk about. I don't like sports, I don't watch a lot of tv shows, and I don't keep horribly up on current events. And I am not going to talk purely about "nerdy crap", because even I have a limit. I'm afraid that when I go back, I'm going to be all alone. Meagan will be hundreds of miles away, and I'll be in my room, alone, the world passing me by, with no friends... I'll end up like a hermit, locked in my room. Maybe thats just who I am, maybe I'd be best locked in a little cubicle for the rest of my life... *shurgs* whatever.
Just as a random side note, to everyone who reads this and knows me, thank you. Thank you for being in my life. Even if you aren't so much anymore, you have no idea how much I appreciate all of you. You have all been there for me at different times, and you have all been there exactly when I needed you, and exactly what I needed you for. I only hope that we don't stop talking and hanging out, and if we have, that sucks, and if we do in the future, that sucks, and we should totally fix that. But seriously, thank you. You are all awesome. I was thinking about that tonight, how many amazing people I've met, and maybe thats why I don't know how I can meet more, because there is such a high standard... I dunno. But you are all amazing. Thank you for everything all of you have ever done for me.
Now I'm going to bed before this gets any worse, cheesier, cornier, or makes people laugh even harder...