Jan 28, 2006 20:17
He also gives you a whip; and the whip is intended solely for self- flagelation." -Truman Capote. I read that in "Music for Chameleons" this morning and I've been thinking about it all day. My whip seems to be harsh but innefective as of late. Everything's going pretty good,and thats what scares me, I keep expecting for it all to crash down around me. I've been really anti social lately. I've been forcing myself to do things, make human contact. I don't know why but a few weeks ago I just started drawing back into my shell and it seems like every time I do that the enamel on it gets thicker and it's harder to break free. Maybe it's just part of getting older. My mom told me a few months ago that I trust her as much I trust any one else, not very much and it really struck me because I hadnt really thought about it. It's true though I don't trust, I'm trying to work on that it's just really hard because when I let you into my world, I give you everything I have and then people just throw it away. I feel like I lose a little bit of myself everytime that happens. Maybe thats where the enamel on the shell comes from. I dunno just something I've mused over today.