And.....He's Back
As much as I am dreading the impending wave of finals headed my way, I can NOT wait until they are done and over with so MAYBE, just maybe, I can get a decent night's sleep !!!
There hasn't been one single night in the past 2 weeks that I've had a peaceful, restful, dreamless sleep. Instead it's like the crackpipe-dream parade is in town and rolling through my subconscious EVERYnight!! Most have been too weird for even me to make any kind of sense of....
Then..... there came a MAJOR curveball --- last night. HE was "baaack". That's right. I haven't had a dream about "the former" since....well, I don't remember when, but he was the star in last night's production. It was really weird.. like in present time, but as if last summer hadn't happened. I mean, the breakup had still happened, but not in the same way or under the same circumstances in which it actually did. The strangest part of the dream is that, in my dream, I still felt the way I do now... BUT... then he showed up, here... in Toledo and on my doorstep out of the clear blue...and when he did.... well, let's just say that it turned out that while our heads may have moved on, our hearts had not.
So yeah... that was the gist of the whole thing. And when my alarm went off, it took me a minute to snap back to reality... which I really shouldn't have had to do because I know in reality that (based on previous experience) he lacks the want and follow through to actually fight for something. Perfect example, I haven't heard one word or gotten one phone call since Christmas break, but at this point, I should know better than to expect anything different (even if there's still some kind of feelings hanging around).
It's easy to know what would happen in a situation that's nothing but a figment of your subconsciousness, but I know it would be a WHOLE OTHER story if anything like that were to pop-up in reality.
Anyways... enough about dreams. Just needed to get that last one out of my head so I can focus on all the Property and Civil Procedure fun I'll be having tonight. I am REALLY feeling the pressure of finals this semester.... I can't figure out if it's because I have 5 finals this time versus only having 2 last time... or if it's because I know stay/dismissal evaluation comes at the end of the 1st year and my biggest fear would be bombing a ton of finals and getting dismissed. Pessimistic, I know, but anyone who knows me would know that I tend to think of ALL possible scenarios, including the worst-case, when there's a lot at stake.
Alright. Enough updating for now. I need to get some dinner and get to studying since I have to be in bed so early...as in 9pm! Grandma-ish I know, but I study better in the morning and since I have an 8:30 am class, that means I have to get up around 5am to get ready and still have a couple of study hours before class. Knowing my early-bird schedule, I think Ashley has her work cut out for her this summer.... it will take nothing short of a miracle to make me a night-owl again ;-)
There hasn't been one single night in the past 2 weeks that I've had a peaceful, restful, dreamless sleep. Instead it's like the crackpipe-dream parade is in town and rolling through my subconscious EVERYnight!! Most have been too weird for even me to make any kind of sense of....
Then..... there came a MAJOR curveball --- last night. HE was "baaack". That's right. I haven't had a dream about "the former" since....well, I don't remember when, but he was the star in last night's production. It was really weird.. like in present time, but as if last summer hadn't happened. I mean, the breakup had still happened, but not in the same way or under the same circumstances in which it actually did. The strangest part of the dream is that, in my dream, I still felt the way I do now... BUT... then he showed up, here... in Toledo and on my doorstep out of the clear blue...and when he did.... well, let's just say that it turned out that while our heads may have moved on, our hearts had not.
So yeah... that was the gist of the whole thing. And when my alarm went off, it took me a minute to snap back to reality... which I really shouldn't have had to do because I know in reality that (based on previous experience) he lacks the want and follow through to actually fight for something. Perfect example, I haven't heard one word or gotten one phone call since Christmas break, but at this point, I should know better than to expect anything different (even if there's still some kind of feelings hanging around).
It's easy to know what would happen in a situation that's nothing but a figment of your subconsciousness, but I know it would be a WHOLE OTHER story if anything like that were to pop-up in reality.
Anyways... enough about dreams. Just needed to get that last one out of my head so I can focus on all the Property and Civil Procedure fun I'll be having tonight. I am REALLY feeling the pressure of finals this semester.... I can't figure out if it's because I have 5 finals this time versus only having 2 last time... or if it's because I know stay/dismissal evaluation comes at the end of the 1st year and my biggest fear would be bombing a ton of finals and getting dismissed. Pessimistic, I know, but anyone who knows me would know that I tend to think of ALL possible scenarios, including the worst-case, when there's a lot at stake.
Alright. Enough updating for now. I need to get some dinner and get to studying since I have to be in bed so early...as in 9pm! Grandma-ish I know, but I study better in the morning and since I have an 8:30 am class, that means I have to get up around 5am to get ready and still have a couple of study hours before class. Knowing my early-bird schedule, I think Ashley has her work cut out for her this summer.... it will take nothing short of a miracle to make me a night-owl again ;-)