i'm the worst person in the world
so i know what i did was wrong. it has to be the biggest mistake of my life. i said things i shouldn't have to one person and they were hurtful to another. i don't know what i was thinking, but i have only one regret in life, and that is saying the things i said. the person i hurt is more than just a friend. she's my best friend, my life, my heart and soul. she's the one person that gets me in a good mood even though i'm upset with her. i know she still believes that i did something i honestly never did and never intended to do. i could never cheat on her. i would never destroy the person that build me up again, but in fact i think that's exactly what i did. she also took a friendship with someone i've known for a while and took it in a bad way, but it was just a friendly talk, the way i talk to celia, my best friend since i can remember. unfortunately, her friends don't tell her that i'm not a bad person. on the other hand, that's all they tell her. she lets her friends control her. when my friends told me she was bad for me because she left me to try and work things out with her ex, i said no, she was a great person, and i understand why she did it. i loved her from the moment i saw her. she might not think so, but she is truly everything to me. without her, i have no one to talk to. my friends are always busy, and my family doesn't accept me. she's the only one who sees my crazy and dorky side. she sees my happy and my sad and my nasty side. she gets only the best from me, but i think she deserves better and much much more. i fell like the horrible person i am. i can never forgive myself for what i did, but i honestly and truly never cheated on her. i mean, that would shatter my heart just as much as hers. i tried talking to her today, but she let her friends tell her not to. it only made me upset. i was already upset because she looked through my phone, which she knows that i feel is an invasion of my privacy, and like everyone else, she didn't care and she did it anyways. when her phone rings or gets a text or im or whatever, i just tell her who it was or that somebody called her. i'm upset about that, but i'm more upset at myself. then she saw i had gotten a text from a number i didn't have saved. well, i had no clue who it was, so i have no idea why they would text me something like that maybe they thought i was someone else. who knows, but i never wanna see that number on my phone again. i hope she can atleast believe me. i'm not lieing to her at all. i'm telling her the truth, but the words of her friends draw a dark cloud over all the good things i've done. it's amazing how one bad move shadows out the good moves. why does that have to happen? i don't wanna be without her. i want to do what i planned to do with her. maybe next year it will happen, that way i can live happily with her, that is if she wants to live happily with me. i wanna escape this hell called my hometown and go live far far away with her, so no one can bother us. i want us to have kids together and make a great family. she's the only person i can make a family with. who would ever thought that someone can actually capture my heart again? i never thought it possible that i would fall in love again, but on september 1, 2006, i was proven wrong. then i made a huge mistake, one that i will have to pay for for the rest of my life. i truly love her with all my heart. i don't know what i was thinking when i said what i said. i hope she finds it in her heart to give me another chance. everyone deserves a second chance. i gave her one, i think i deserve one too. i'm saying i'm willing to make all the sacrifices in the world to prove my love and devotion for her, and that i'm honestly faithful to her. i only have one love other than her, and that love has been my passion for almost 18 years, it's dance. when i feel a certain way like i am now, i dance my troubles away. for the first time in my life i found no escape and no way to cure the hurt and pain i have caused. how could i be such a horrible person? i never meant to. i promise. all i wanna give her is everything in the world. i would trade my soul to the devil to prove how much i love her. i wish i could give her the world, but i don't she'd want it now. she hates me. i know she does. i love her with all my heart. i need help on bringing her back to my life. she's all i ever wanted and need! i'm honestly and truly sorry!