HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I read an entire book last night from my grandma's book club collection thing. I have no idea why she had this book. It is definately NOT grandma material. Anyways, it's called "Just be Chill". And yeah, it was as stupid as the title makes it out to be. But, yet... because I'm a loser I couldn't put the book down. And now i'm going to tell you about it.
It's about a boy who is a loser and his whole high school makes fun of him and all he wants is a little sex with the girls instead of having to look at porn every night on the internet. (Yea.) So finally he's fed up with being the guy who has to jack off all the time and has no friends. So, he steals beanie babies from his aunt that he hates and sells them on eBay for 600 dollars. (It gets worse.) Well, he needed this money so that he could buy a "Squip". This so-called "Squip" is from Japan and it comes in the form of a pill. So this loser pays 600 dollars for a pill. But, hang on folks!, this pill is magical!!! (WHOA.) Inside this pill it contains an itsy bitsy computer chip that gets released in your body and travels up through your blood brain barrier and attaches to your brain. (Stay with me...) So this chip then is activated and it's the voice of Keanu Reeves (Seriously, I shit you not.) And Keanu is in this loser's head and acts as his "advisor". He tells this poor loser to stop jacking off to his computer, tells him what to wear, what to say, and how to become the coolest kid in school. So, what do you know!? He becomes the coolest kid in school, and I'm talking cool with a capital C. (Isn't that amazing!!!) This "squip" gets this guy to impress allll the hotties in the school. There are THREE to be exact. And they are the blonde, the brunnette, and the red-head. But of course the red-head has dyed hair. (Trust me, the author makes sure you know that.) And after 2 weeks of this kid doing pushups, he's built like a sex machine and all the girls want to get him drugged up on X and have crazy wild sex in the basement of a house while this boys parents are in Barbados running from the government. (You're sucked in now, I know it... it's just soooo enticing.) But then this guy realizes he doesn't want rough sex on a mattress in the laundry room. Nooo Nooo Noooo, he wants real love but this computer simulated keanu reeves is interfering with his desire to attain one and only one girl. The girl of his dreams, Christine. Awe, how adorable. So they argue and the computer chip malfunctions and then tries to get him to buy the new and improve 4.0 edition. But the kid refuses and would rather go back and be huge loser because that's who he really is and he wants this girl to love him for who he is and not for what he thought he wanted to be!!!! Can't you tell just how exciting this book is!!!
The book kind of just ends. Which sucks, and then again the entire book is stupid. And that my friends is why it's my new favorite book. Because even though it is sooooo freaking retarded, it makes me laugh.
And I think you should read it and waste away 3 hours of your life like me.
It's about a boy who is a loser and his whole high school makes fun of him and all he wants is a little sex with the girls instead of having to look at porn every night on the internet. (Yea.) So finally he's fed up with being the guy who has to jack off all the time and has no friends. So, he steals beanie babies from his aunt that he hates and sells them on eBay for 600 dollars. (It gets worse.) Well, he needed this money so that he could buy a "Squip". This so-called "Squip" is from Japan and it comes in the form of a pill. So this loser pays 600 dollars for a pill. But, hang on folks!, this pill is magical!!! (WHOA.) Inside this pill it contains an itsy bitsy computer chip that gets released in your body and travels up through your blood brain barrier and attaches to your brain. (Stay with me...) So this chip then is activated and it's the voice of Keanu Reeves (Seriously, I shit you not.) And Keanu is in this loser's head and acts as his "advisor". He tells this poor loser to stop jacking off to his computer, tells him what to wear, what to say, and how to become the coolest kid in school. So, what do you know!? He becomes the coolest kid in school, and I'm talking cool with a capital C. (Isn't that amazing!!!) This "squip" gets this guy to impress allll the hotties in the school. There are THREE to be exact. And they are the blonde, the brunnette, and the red-head. But of course the red-head has dyed hair. (Trust me, the author makes sure you know that.) And after 2 weeks of this kid doing pushups, he's built like a sex machine and all the girls want to get him drugged up on X and have crazy wild sex in the basement of a house while this boys parents are in Barbados running from the government. (You're sucked in now, I know it... it's just soooo enticing.) But then this guy realizes he doesn't want rough sex on a mattress in the laundry room. Nooo Nooo Noooo, he wants real love but this computer simulated keanu reeves is interfering with his desire to attain one and only one girl. The girl of his dreams, Christine. Awe, how adorable. So they argue and the computer chip malfunctions and then tries to get him to buy the new and improve 4.0 edition. But the kid refuses and would rather go back and be huge loser because that's who he really is and he wants this girl to love him for who he is and not for what he thought he wanted to be!!!! Can't you tell just how exciting this book is!!!
The book kind of just ends. Which sucks, and then again the entire book is stupid. And that my friends is why it's my new favorite book. Because even though it is sooooo freaking retarded, it makes me laugh.
And I think you should read it and waste away 3 hours of your life like me.