sigh...

Jun 05, 2004 00:16

i haven't updated in months.
life has been good, workin out... playing guitar... being with alex. alll wonderful things. i was reading through steve's yearbook, i wanted to fucking die. i'm gonna miss that kid so much, i didn't even realize it until a little while ago, i need him around. he's always there for me when no one else is, he's there as a friend and a brother and as a guardian from certain things. he's far better of a brother than i deserve, if it wasn't for him i wouldn't be the person i am today. he taught me to be more confident in myself, to just say the fuck with what you think about me, msot importantly though, he was there for me when i needed it. i remember one time i just wanted to die, i dont' remember what was bothering me, but i was so fucking depressed and just wanted to die. he came up to me and said that he didn't knwo what was wrong, but he wanted to go otu to dinner just the two of us and then drive around and takl about it... just not go home for a while. and i'm n ot even sure if we talked a whole lot about what was bothering me or not, but just knowing that he cared and was there for me just made me so... happy won't even describe it. if it wasn't for him.. i probably never would ahve started working out, probably wouldn't have the confidence to be the strange, and i probably never would have beent he me i am now. i am who i am in part due to him. it makes me sad, this is the year that it all changes... i won't see him around the house all the time. from here on out i ahve to go a few hours out of my way to hang otu with him, or call him just to ask him a question. sigh...
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