I
Sometimes I wonder if what I want to do is the right thing. I mean, I dont want to say that I worry about things, I just tend to overthink things. For instance, its not, "What should I eat for dinner" its, "Is this the best thing that I can eat, how should I eat it, what should I do afterwards". I just think way to much and try to figure out better solutions for everything I do. I want to live the best that I can. And doing so I over analyze everything.
I am about to try and overcome several new lifechanging events. Things that will probably change who I am. And make me always wonder if I could be someone more. I always want to be better than what I am. And my biggest question now, is that, can I...will I be better, or will I have the ability to be better than who I am now. I like who I am... but I want more. I want to be more. There is so much more I can do. Sometimes in class, Ill look at a paper I just got back, and it will be a 100% and people will look at me and say things like,"showoff" or "lucky"...but the truth is, is that I look at that paper and think,"This is as good as it gets? I cant get any better" and at that point am very dissappointed that I cant get anything better. They tell me, well its good enough. I dont like good enough. I want more. Maybe its selfish? I dunno, maybe its stupid. Maybe I have a problem...
But... I get scared as a I think of what I could be. Sometimes its not what I want to be... but I think I have to sacrifice sometimes. Sacrifice who I am, for who I COULD be. And thats where that word comes in...SACRIFICE... I think of those who have sacrificed themselves for me. I think of those who have given their lives. Of course its not the same... I know there are others that sacrifice all the time. And i know that I am going to have to. Sometimes I feel like I am the only one around that is doing it though. Makes me wonder even more. Should I worry...(dont like that word, ill explain later)... think to much about everything. I live how I feel like I should, but that involves change, and Ive never been to wild about that. But I am getting to an understanding of it at least. What I think about though, is if I sacrifice, am I the only one it matters to? Does anyone care if I do what needs to happen? I mean I know Im not alone. Sometimes you just feel like it.
I think that I go with the flow. I think as something comes my way I just go with it. Because things are set before you so that you can make desicions about them. And I do what I can to leave them up to God but to also do my part. I dont tin I do a bad job. I think I am doing what I am sposed to be doing for the most part. Thats where the worry comes in. I dont think I worry so much because I do try to leave it up to God to handle the worrying... I dont liketo worry, but is worrying the same thing as overcontemplating? I dont know. And even that makes me doublecheck myself.(to those that are still reading I appreciate it and I know that you care). So if I live my life the way I am sposed to and I choose the right choices, leave the worrying to the big man upstairs, think about things that could make me and my life better, and try to be a good guy, is there more? What more can I do, WHO more can I be? I reallly dont know sometimes. I just dont know....
I am about to try and overcome several new lifechanging events. Things that will probably change who I am. And make me always wonder if I could be someone more. I always want to be better than what I am. And my biggest question now, is that, can I...will I be better, or will I have the ability to be better than who I am now. I like who I am... but I want more. I want to be more. There is so much more I can do. Sometimes in class, Ill look at a paper I just got back, and it will be a 100% and people will look at me and say things like,"showoff" or "lucky"...but the truth is, is that I look at that paper and think,"This is as good as it gets? I cant get any better" and at that point am very dissappointed that I cant get anything better. They tell me, well its good enough. I dont like good enough. I want more. Maybe its selfish? I dunno, maybe its stupid. Maybe I have a problem...
But... I get scared as a I think of what I could be. Sometimes its not what I want to be... but I think I have to sacrifice sometimes. Sacrifice who I am, for who I COULD be. And thats where that word comes in...SACRIFICE... I think of those who have sacrificed themselves for me. I think of those who have given their lives. Of course its not the same... I know there are others that sacrifice all the time. And i know that I am going to have to. Sometimes I feel like I am the only one around that is doing it though. Makes me wonder even more. Should I worry...(dont like that word, ill explain later)... think to much about everything. I live how I feel like I should, but that involves change, and Ive never been to wild about that. But I am getting to an understanding of it at least. What I think about though, is if I sacrifice, am I the only one it matters to? Does anyone care if I do what needs to happen? I mean I know Im not alone. Sometimes you just feel like it.
I think that I go with the flow. I think as something comes my way I just go with it. Because things are set before you so that you can make desicions about them. And I do what I can to leave them up to God but to also do my part. I dont tin I do a bad job. I think I am doing what I am sposed to be doing for the most part. Thats where the worry comes in. I dont think I worry so much because I do try to leave it up to God to handle the worrying... I dont liketo worry, but is worrying the same thing as overcontemplating? I dont know. And even that makes me doublecheck myself.(to those that are still reading I appreciate it and I know that you care). So if I live my life the way I am sposed to and I choose the right choices, leave the worrying to the big man upstairs, think about things that could make me and my life better, and try to be a good guy, is there more? What more can I do, WHO more can I be? I reallly dont know sometimes. I just dont know....