ten good things: special dan-is-old edition
as i type this, i am 8 days away from exiting my twenties. here's the good news...
ten things i like about turning thirty
10. the fading categorical differences between old school and just plain old might seem alienating at first, but they have their merits as well. i like to think i've done a decent job of avoiding the infinite popularity contests that attend my most specialized interests, but at thirty, a certain youthful "coolness" is next to impossible. which is to say that it's no longer a matter of abstinence-- all the irritating types of showboating i've observed over the years have lost their magical powers to father time himself... and the people who still cling to them look increasingly like ronnie james dio... but the rest of us can chill the fuck out, finally.
9. the older i get, the more i realize that there are certain character flaws that i am either too lazy, stubborn or idiotic to do away with. accordingly, i have ceased swimming upstream (so to speak) and learned to use my lunacy against itself. for example, there is a chip hidden deep inside my brain that prevents me from devoting one nanosecond of my free time to sorting out my monthly bills. fortunately, that chip teamed up with another substantial portion of my psyche--the goof-off-at-work chip-- and now, once a month, i sneak off (on the clock) for twenty minutes to sort that shit out. why do i do this? because i'm RESPONSIBLE.
8. all my friends that were funny ten years ago are ten years funnier now. our hair might be thinning and our bellies expanding, but the COMEDY, ladies and gentlemen, has shed all traces of once-collegiate awkwardness and is headed into full-distillation mode.
7. a secret: you know that band can? they do nothing for me. i have two of their records, and when i listen to them, all i feel is some far-away recognition that they are, indeed, interesting-- and that, in some bizarro rock-snob universe, i ought to appreciate them accordingly. but in all honesty, i'd rather be playing air guitar to that awesome part at the end of queen's "we will rock you." seriously, that might be the best guitar solo ever. which leads us to the following maxim:
there is an infinite array of compotent, well-conceived phenomena in the world, and i am under no obligation to give a shit about all of it.
some other things i no longer feel obligated to give a shit about: macrobiotics, "the family guy", joy division, most 70's minimalist art (with the exception of robert smithson), SUNNO))), john kennedy o'toole, all that horseshit i was supposed to find so profound in match point, fairport convention, massage therapy, bernardo bertolucci, meditation, sincerity, truth.
6. in the opposite spirit, over the years i have come to know the great joy of changing my mind. an example: for years and years, i hated reggae. then, in my mid-twenties, i slowly transformed into one of those artsy white people that doesn't really like reggae, but-- y'know-- like, thinks lee 'scratch' perry is "interesting" or something. anyway, one thing lead to another, the genre grew on me, etc. and for whatever reason, this summer has been all about the reggae. seriously-- i've been listening to reggae like every single day (heart of the congos is a really great album, by the way). it feels like i have a whole new genre of music to throw myself into, which is one of my favorite feelings (recommend me stuff!). sometimes i think i'm so in love with that feeling of just-beginning-to-love-something-new that it keeps me from really investing in anything. oh well.
so, maybe i'll learn to love all the stuff i listed under #7 some day. (i doubt it.)
5. legitimately befriending my parents has been one of the perks of getting older, though i think it has more to do with turning 21, rather than thirty. which is to say it has a lot to do with being drunk in front of them. that reminds me, two days ago i received the following email from my mother:
Dan,
Trust me, you are NOT the bastard son of Dudley Moore and Liza Minelli!!!!
I'm enjoying your blog!
Love Mom
that's right y'all... my mom's lurkin' around these parts... you people better watch yer mouths...
my mom doesn't look even remotely like liza minnelli, btw... i'm the one that looks like liza...
4. so, being that the expiration date on a year's worth of logan's run jokes is fast approaching, i've recently grown fond of statements that begin with the phrase "i am a thirty year old man and..." some examples:
* "i am a thirty year old man and strangers stop me on the street to tell me i look like harry potter."
* "i am a thirty year old man and i honestly couldn't tell you the last time i used dental floss, but i'm sure it was gory."
* "i am a thirty year old man and i work about 100 yards from a food court where two 45 year old white people are currently performing the doobie brothers' 'what a fool believes' on synthesizers."
* "i am a thirty year old man and somehow i still felt obligated to whip up a hyperlink for 'what a fool believes.'"
* "i am a thirty year old man and i am sincerely disappointed in the lack of vampire slaying on television these days."
* "i am a thirty year old man and i can't put my dirty clothes in my hamper because i'm too lazy to take my clean clothes out of it first."
* "i am a thirty year old man and i am about to sing 'daydream believer' in a karaoke bar."
* "i am a thirty year old man and i'll be goddamned if i can tell the difference between ontology, epistemology and hermeneutics no matter how many times it's explained to me."
* "i am a thirty year old man and i am sick and tired of all these muthafuckin' snakes on this muthafuckin' plane!"
* "i am a thirty year old man and if someone gives me directions with the words north, south, east or west in them, i will stare at that person blankly, thank them for all of their help, curse myself silently, and get myself totally lost."
and finally-- sing it with me folks:
* "i am a thirty year old man and i am addicted to livejournal."
3. artistically, i'm finally learning to differentiate between a project and a crisis. for example: my brief phase, circa 2002, when i thought i was finished with painting and would be better off writing a novel??? that was a crisis. and four years down the line, it seems petty and melodramatic, and i'm kind of embarrassed by the whole ordeal. by contrast, the long, slow process through which i redefined my visual vocabulary-- despite taking nearly four years to start really seeing results-- was sincerely a project-- it loosened me up, it got me trusting my impulses again, it swept away a lot of the extraneous bullshit from art school (not that i didn't love art school), and it eventually renewed my enthusiasm for the studio. i'm glad the re-adjustment period is finally over, though. time to get to work.
(i know this art talk is meaningless to a lot of you, but i did go ahead and buy a digital camera about a month back. once i re-install my operating system-- or, god forbid, send my computer in for repair-- i'll start posting images, and this'll begin to be sort of an artist's journal, in addition to the current, all-nerdiness-all-the-time fare you're used to reading).
2. the older i get, the more it occurs to me that the people with whom i've shared my most important moments have a tendency to reappear throughout my life. and, knowing that these folks are, more often than not, spread across the country (and even the globe), i don't think geography has much to do with it. there are at least a half-dozen characters in my life who might as well be invincible to the constant roller-coaster of positives and negatives by which we all judge one another. i've learned to accept these people at their most infuriating (and they've done so with me, it has to work both ways), and-- following years of solid, unquestionable goodwill-- the irrevocable differences between us emerge as the very things upon which my real affection is founded. if you care about people long enough, disagreements turn into distinctions; and these distinctions have not only allowed me insights into the lives of my friends, but have directly influenced (and partially determined) who i am, as well.
i rarely feel any alarming sense of crisis with the people i care most about. we inevitably maintain contact, either through vacations or emails or chance itself. there is no escaping these people, so i might as well just think of them as an ever extending legitimate family, and love them, because they sure as hell aren't going anywhere...
1. ok. less talk, more rock:
bruce springsteen, "growin' up" mp3
ten things i like about turning thirty
10. the fading categorical differences between old school and just plain old might seem alienating at first, but they have their merits as well. i like to think i've done a decent job of avoiding the infinite popularity contests that attend my most specialized interests, but at thirty, a certain youthful "coolness" is next to impossible. which is to say that it's no longer a matter of abstinence-- all the irritating types of showboating i've observed over the years have lost their magical powers to father time himself... and the people who still cling to them look increasingly like ronnie james dio... but the rest of us can chill the fuck out, finally.
9. the older i get, the more i realize that there are certain character flaws that i am either too lazy, stubborn or idiotic to do away with. accordingly, i have ceased swimming upstream (so to speak) and learned to use my lunacy against itself. for example, there is a chip hidden deep inside my brain that prevents me from devoting one nanosecond of my free time to sorting out my monthly bills. fortunately, that chip teamed up with another substantial portion of my psyche--the goof-off-at-work chip-- and now, once a month, i sneak off (on the clock) for twenty minutes to sort that shit out. why do i do this? because i'm RESPONSIBLE.
8. all my friends that were funny ten years ago are ten years funnier now. our hair might be thinning and our bellies expanding, but the COMEDY, ladies and gentlemen, has shed all traces of once-collegiate awkwardness and is headed into full-distillation mode.
7. a secret: you know that band can? they do nothing for me. i have two of their records, and when i listen to them, all i feel is some far-away recognition that they are, indeed, interesting-- and that, in some bizarro rock-snob universe, i ought to appreciate them accordingly. but in all honesty, i'd rather be playing air guitar to that awesome part at the end of queen's "we will rock you." seriously, that might be the best guitar solo ever. which leads us to the following maxim:
there is an infinite array of compotent, well-conceived phenomena in the world, and i am under no obligation to give a shit about all of it.
some other things i no longer feel obligated to give a shit about: macrobiotics, "the family guy", joy division, most 70's minimalist art (with the exception of robert smithson), SUNNO))), john kennedy o'toole, all that horseshit i was supposed to find so profound in match point, fairport convention, massage therapy, bernardo bertolucci, meditation, sincerity, truth.
6. in the opposite spirit, over the years i have come to know the great joy of changing my mind. an example: for years and years, i hated reggae. then, in my mid-twenties, i slowly transformed into one of those artsy white people that doesn't really like reggae, but-- y'know-- like, thinks lee 'scratch' perry is "interesting" or something. anyway, one thing lead to another, the genre grew on me, etc. and for whatever reason, this summer has been all about the reggae. seriously-- i've been listening to reggae like every single day (heart of the congos is a really great album, by the way). it feels like i have a whole new genre of music to throw myself into, which is one of my favorite feelings (recommend me stuff!). sometimes i think i'm so in love with that feeling of just-beginning-to-love-something-new that it keeps me from really investing in anything. oh well.
so, maybe i'll learn to love all the stuff i listed under #7 some day. (i doubt it.)
5. legitimately befriending my parents has been one of the perks of getting older, though i think it has more to do with turning 21, rather than thirty. which is to say it has a lot to do with being drunk in front of them. that reminds me, two days ago i received the following email from my mother:
Dan,
Trust me, you are NOT the bastard son of Dudley Moore and Liza Minelli!!!!
I'm enjoying your blog!
Love Mom
that's right y'all... my mom's lurkin' around these parts... you people better watch yer mouths...
my mom doesn't look even remotely like liza minnelli, btw... i'm the one that looks like liza...
4. so, being that the expiration date on a year's worth of logan's run jokes is fast approaching, i've recently grown fond of statements that begin with the phrase "i am a thirty year old man and..." some examples:
* "i am a thirty year old man and strangers stop me on the street to tell me i look like harry potter."
* "i am a thirty year old man and i honestly couldn't tell you the last time i used dental floss, but i'm sure it was gory."
* "i am a thirty year old man and i work about 100 yards from a food court where two 45 year old white people are currently performing the doobie brothers' 'what a fool believes' on synthesizers."
* "i am a thirty year old man and somehow i still felt obligated to whip up a hyperlink for 'what a fool believes.'"
* "i am a thirty year old man and i am sincerely disappointed in the lack of vampire slaying on television these days."
* "i am a thirty year old man and i can't put my dirty clothes in my hamper because i'm too lazy to take my clean clothes out of it first."
* "i am a thirty year old man and i am about to sing 'daydream believer' in a karaoke bar."
* "i am a thirty year old man and i'll be goddamned if i can tell the difference between ontology, epistemology and hermeneutics no matter how many times it's explained to me."
* "i am a thirty year old man and i am sick and tired of all these muthafuckin' snakes on this muthafuckin' plane!"
* "i am a thirty year old man and if someone gives me directions with the words north, south, east or west in them, i will stare at that person blankly, thank them for all of their help, curse myself silently, and get myself totally lost."
and finally-- sing it with me folks:
* "i am a thirty year old man and i am addicted to livejournal."
3. artistically, i'm finally learning to differentiate between a project and a crisis. for example: my brief phase, circa 2002, when i thought i was finished with painting and would be better off writing a novel??? that was a crisis. and four years down the line, it seems petty and melodramatic, and i'm kind of embarrassed by the whole ordeal. by contrast, the long, slow process through which i redefined my visual vocabulary-- despite taking nearly four years to start really seeing results-- was sincerely a project-- it loosened me up, it got me trusting my impulses again, it swept away a lot of the extraneous bullshit from art school (not that i didn't love art school), and it eventually renewed my enthusiasm for the studio. i'm glad the re-adjustment period is finally over, though. time to get to work.
(i know this art talk is meaningless to a lot of you, but i did go ahead and buy a digital camera about a month back. once i re-install my operating system-- or, god forbid, send my computer in for repair-- i'll start posting images, and this'll begin to be sort of an artist's journal, in addition to the current, all-nerdiness-all-the-time fare you're used to reading).
2. the older i get, the more it occurs to me that the people with whom i've shared my most important moments have a tendency to reappear throughout my life. and, knowing that these folks are, more often than not, spread across the country (and even the globe), i don't think geography has much to do with it. there are at least a half-dozen characters in my life who might as well be invincible to the constant roller-coaster of positives and negatives by which we all judge one another. i've learned to accept these people at their most infuriating (and they've done so with me, it has to work both ways), and-- following years of solid, unquestionable goodwill-- the irrevocable differences between us emerge as the very things upon which my real affection is founded. if you care about people long enough, disagreements turn into distinctions; and these distinctions have not only allowed me insights into the lives of my friends, but have directly influenced (and partially determined) who i am, as well.
i rarely feel any alarming sense of crisis with the people i care most about. we inevitably maintain contact, either through vacations or emails or chance itself. there is no escaping these people, so i might as well just think of them as an ever extending legitimate family, and love them, because they sure as hell aren't going anywhere...
1. ok. less talk, more rock:
bruce springsteen, "growin' up" mp3