gotta write
As a Note:
New evidence that Fate is in for me.
the night before an exam I have little confidence in despite studying and my general knowledge base...A FUCKING SECURITY ALARM GOES OFF FOR THIRTY MINUTES BEFORE I CHOOSE TO SLEEP KEEPING ME UP AND PARANOID...not happy.
What is a Dan to do that isn't a direct form of useless self pity during these moments? Well, he'd think about meta-physics but he hasn't been exposed to a new idea in months. And let me tell you, without someone else philosophy and literature lose their flair. We all know that Jerking off is an excellent thing to do for a guy when he's staring at the ceiling but trust me, not what I need right now.
What bothers me is the part of me that always wonders: Just how fucked up I am, Who I am, what is a part of me, what do I have to do next...as you can see the list goes on. My Cousin Liz made a biting comment months ago that I've always gone through an existential crisis...no, that's just my sense of uncertainty, my real existential crisis deals with the big questions that no-one wants to think about. "Is my life worth it? What have I done with my life that lets me look myself in the eye with confidence? When does the LD end and the G begin?" Trust me, those ones haunt you when you're not looking. The only ones that are worse tend to be the "How do I reconcile my beliefs with how the world works? Were any of the religious experiences I've had real?" or the real kicker: "How do I know that I'm simply just tolerated by the people around me?"
Yeah, My subconscious is like a masochistic scientist some days, always trying to see what reactions it can get and see if they are repeatable. Thank god I'm not feeling terribly sorry for myself, at least for this. Though, now and again, I do wish there were people I could talk to with ease on these nights.
Salut
New evidence that Fate is in for me.
the night before an exam I have little confidence in despite studying and my general knowledge base...A FUCKING SECURITY ALARM GOES OFF FOR THIRTY MINUTES BEFORE I CHOOSE TO SLEEP KEEPING ME UP AND PARANOID...not happy.
What is a Dan to do that isn't a direct form of useless self pity during these moments? Well, he'd think about meta-physics but he hasn't been exposed to a new idea in months. And let me tell you, without someone else philosophy and literature lose their flair. We all know that Jerking off is an excellent thing to do for a guy when he's staring at the ceiling but trust me, not what I need right now.
What bothers me is the part of me that always wonders: Just how fucked up I am, Who I am, what is a part of me, what do I have to do next...as you can see the list goes on. My Cousin Liz made a biting comment months ago that I've always gone through an existential crisis...no, that's just my sense of uncertainty, my real existential crisis deals with the big questions that no-one wants to think about. "Is my life worth it? What have I done with my life that lets me look myself in the eye with confidence? When does the LD end and the G begin?" Trust me, those ones haunt you when you're not looking. The only ones that are worse tend to be the "How do I reconcile my beliefs with how the world works? Were any of the religious experiences I've had real?" or the real kicker: "How do I know that I'm simply just tolerated by the people around me?"
Yeah, My subconscious is like a masochistic scientist some days, always trying to see what reactions it can get and see if they are repeatable. Thank god I'm not feeling terribly sorry for myself, at least for this. Though, now and again, I do wish there were people I could talk to with ease on these nights.
Salut