THE RISE AND FALL OF DON DANDANOOCHI
Here's a question; where the fuck is my user picture? You know what I really don't give a quarter of a shit. It has been a hectic couple of days fo' sheezy. It all started in British Columbia. I had heard that the best cocain came from this area. Already you see my mistake. You know what is good in British Columbia, however? The all girl cowboy porn. Beautiful women, and when I say beautiful I mean horribly disfigured, riding bulls and using lassos for things too dirty to describe on this page without it being a pay site! I was happy. Until the mounties showed up. They didn't take kindly to me watching porn on my laptop in the middle of a playground. Especially since I was pointing out all the best parts to a seven year old boy named Tony. He really liked all the anal stuff. That kid's a perv. So as usual I was arrested. But Canadian prison is a cakewalk compared to the many other fine correctional facilities I've had the displeasure of visiting. I soon became Don Dandanoochi, the godfather of cell block thirteen. I ran a toenail clipper racket that pulled in more loot than any other cellblock. In ony a week I made enough to bribe a guard to leave the keys to the cell in an easily accessible place. Sure he left them in my butt after repeatedly reaming it, but you know what? He was a good guy. (I used a spoon to get them out. They were deep.) So I hopped on a single engine cesna and headed for the true Columbia. But the plane was a lemon and it crashed in North Dakota. Ah, well at least I'm home now, happy, comfortable, and watching Who Wants To Marry My Dad......Oh how I wish the crash would have been fatal. Hey, who wants to marry my dad? He's handsome, dashing, a drifter, dead, sort of a drunk, and he's got the same size cock as I do. Hachie-Machie!PANIK