(no subject)
Hi, and so forth.
In my quest to mature and improve myself as a human being, I've been seriously contemplating the issues of Moving On and Letting Go. One might ask 'What is this On and this Go, and why would you need to shift one and lease the other?' but that would be ridiculous.
In the past, I have been loath to ever move on from anything. When I find something that I enjoy, I'll commit myself to it heartily, and will invest gross amounts of time and effort (and indeed money) just for the purpose of enjoying myself. Many things in the past have fallen into this category - video games, foods, school, small compulsive habits - I like to put habits in place, and then keep them that way for as long as I possibly can. I become comfortable, and as such, derive a certain small amount of pleasure from the consistency of these acts. Sometimes these things have to stop, but it's never by my instigation, it's only ever by the necessity or an external factor. I've never enjoyed getting rid of these things, but sometimes I just get tired of them, and so stop myself, and just never start again. Unfortunately, I never completely cut these things off. When life necessitates that I cease a practice, I enjoy having the option open to return to it in the future, should I so desire. I can never quite distance myself from that which drew me to it in the first place, and so even after many years of inactivity I get an overwhelming wave of nostalgia and comfort as soon as I return to these things. Were I to cut them off, that would be letting go, and I don't know if I'm at that point yet.
I like to keep my options open, to never close a door unless I really must, and so I constantly neglect things, and forget them completely, until such a time as I feel to take them up again for my own benefit. Tonight, on a whim, I logged into my Neopets account, just for fun, then promptly decided to give all my stuff away and close my account, if that's even possible. For some reason, though, I was gripped by avarice for my 486748 Neopoints, and a sense of loss for my pet of seven years Angel_Sentinel. I felt sad at the prospect of losing it all, as well as the prestige of being one of the longer-term account-holders. Then it simply struck me that I can't keep doing this. Sure I can continue to do things that I enjoy, but when it's time to move on, I just have to. I feel that to change as a person, I really need to find these things and excise them, for if I hold to all the atrophic things that have historically shaped who I am, but claim to have grown and changed, am I not just lying? How can I continue to do everything I 'used to do', but somehow be a different person completely? Delusionally, that's how.
So. It's time for me to mature, LiveJournal. Fear not, you're one of the things that is more of an outlet and a method of self-reflection and discovery than a crutch.
But for tonight, let's start with Neopets. Goodbye, and good luck.
In my quest to mature and improve myself as a human being, I've been seriously contemplating the issues of Moving On and Letting Go. One might ask 'What is this On and this Go, and why would you need to shift one and lease the other?' but that would be ridiculous.
In the past, I have been loath to ever move on from anything. When I find something that I enjoy, I'll commit myself to it heartily, and will invest gross amounts of time and effort (and indeed money) just for the purpose of enjoying myself. Many things in the past have fallen into this category - video games, foods, school, small compulsive habits - I like to put habits in place, and then keep them that way for as long as I possibly can. I become comfortable, and as such, derive a certain small amount of pleasure from the consistency of these acts. Sometimes these things have to stop, but it's never by my instigation, it's only ever by the necessity or an external factor. I've never enjoyed getting rid of these things, but sometimes I just get tired of them, and so stop myself, and just never start again. Unfortunately, I never completely cut these things off. When life necessitates that I cease a practice, I enjoy having the option open to return to it in the future, should I so desire. I can never quite distance myself from that which drew me to it in the first place, and so even after many years of inactivity I get an overwhelming wave of nostalgia and comfort as soon as I return to these things. Were I to cut them off, that would be letting go, and I don't know if I'm at that point yet.
I like to keep my options open, to never close a door unless I really must, and so I constantly neglect things, and forget them completely, until such a time as I feel to take them up again for my own benefit. Tonight, on a whim, I logged into my Neopets account, just for fun, then promptly decided to give all my stuff away and close my account, if that's even possible. For some reason, though, I was gripped by avarice for my 486748 Neopoints, and a sense of loss for my pet of seven years Angel_Sentinel. I felt sad at the prospect of losing it all, as well as the prestige of being one of the longer-term account-holders. Then it simply struck me that I can't keep doing this. Sure I can continue to do things that I enjoy, but when it's time to move on, I just have to. I feel that to change as a person, I really need to find these things and excise them, for if I hold to all the atrophic things that have historically shaped who I am, but claim to have grown and changed, am I not just lying? How can I continue to do everything I 'used to do', but somehow be a different person completely? Delusionally, that's how.
So. It's time for me to mature, LiveJournal. Fear not, you're one of the things that is more of an outlet and a method of self-reflection and discovery than a crutch.
But for tonight, let's start with Neopets. Goodbye, and good luck.