*sighs*
I left insanely early this morning. At 5 am, I had to be in a cab on my way to the airport. Which means I had to wake Brit up to say good-bye.
And as I was standing there contemplating waking her up, that song came in my head.
All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go
I'm standing here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say good-bye
But the dawn is breaking, it's early morn
the taxi's waiting, he's blowin his horn
Already I'm so lonesome, I could die
So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
Cuz I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go....
*sighs* So I went in and sat down beside her and before I could wake her, she rolled over and look up at me and her eyes were pooled with tears and it broke my heart. She had been up, had heard me get ready, and was already in the process of being miserable.
I took her in my arms and let her cry and I hugged her as I fought my own tears and I whispered to her that I loved her. She said that she loved me too and kissed me. I forced a weak smile and kissed her cheek and let her go and walked out of the room, then out of the house. It was probably one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I can't stand to see her cry and to turn away from her as she is...that nearly killed me.
I know for a normal couple, leaving each other isn't such a hard thing. But the fact is, Brit and I aren't a normal couple. Her love for me and my love for her consumes us and it's what keeps us strong. Her very presence is the reason I wake up everyday. I've never been apart from her except for 1 night and that was the because we were getting re-married. Granted, we spent 3 weeks away after that, but it's different when you're spiteful towards the person.
I crave her existance. I need her there for me, because without her I'm nothing. I doubt either one of us will get any sleep while I'm gone. I know that I won't. And me leaving brings up another point, that maybe perhaps, this is what it might be like from here on out. Leaving each other for other engagements. I don't want to be an absent Dad but if it keeps going like this, I just might be. The girls will be with Britney because I wouldn't have it any other way. I love the girls just as much as Britney but there's things that I'll sacrifice for my wife and my own happiness is one of them.
But I think we have a solution to my problems. Jake, and Ash. We need to talk.
So now, I'm in my hotel room in Germany with a picture of Brit and the girls on my dresser. It was the first picture taken of them from my own camera. I took it when the girls were two days old. I suppose the picture is making me feel worse, but without it, I don't think I could get by.
Hopefully what I have in mind will end all of this. Maybe then I can relate to the end of the song.
Dream about the days to come, when I won't have to leave alone
About the times I won't have to say..
Oh Kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
Cuz I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe I hate to go...
And as I was standing there contemplating waking her up, that song came in my head.
All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go
I'm standing here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say good-bye
But the dawn is breaking, it's early morn
the taxi's waiting, he's blowin his horn
Already I'm so lonesome, I could die
So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
Cuz I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go....
*sighs* So I went in and sat down beside her and before I could wake her, she rolled over and look up at me and her eyes were pooled with tears and it broke my heart. She had been up, had heard me get ready, and was already in the process of being miserable.
I took her in my arms and let her cry and I hugged her as I fought my own tears and I whispered to her that I loved her. She said that she loved me too and kissed me. I forced a weak smile and kissed her cheek and let her go and walked out of the room, then out of the house. It was probably one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I can't stand to see her cry and to turn away from her as she is...that nearly killed me.
I know for a normal couple, leaving each other isn't such a hard thing. But the fact is, Brit and I aren't a normal couple. Her love for me and my love for her consumes us and it's what keeps us strong. Her very presence is the reason I wake up everyday. I've never been apart from her except for 1 night and that was the because we were getting re-married. Granted, we spent 3 weeks away after that, but it's different when you're spiteful towards the person.
I crave her existance. I need her there for me, because without her I'm nothing. I doubt either one of us will get any sleep while I'm gone. I know that I won't. And me leaving brings up another point, that maybe perhaps, this is what it might be like from here on out. Leaving each other for other engagements. I don't want to be an absent Dad but if it keeps going like this, I just might be. The girls will be with Britney because I wouldn't have it any other way. I love the girls just as much as Britney but there's things that I'll sacrifice for my wife and my own happiness is one of them.
But I think we have a solution to my problems. Jake, and Ash. We need to talk.
So now, I'm in my hotel room in Germany with a picture of Brit and the girls on my dresser. It was the first picture taken of them from my own camera. I took it when the girls were two days old. I suppose the picture is making me feel worse, but without it, I don't think I could get by.
Hopefully what I have in mind will end all of this. Maybe then I can relate to the end of the song.
Dream about the days to come, when I won't have to leave alone
About the times I won't have to say..
Oh Kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
Cuz I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe I hate to go...