Every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end
I stumbled upon this journal again accidentally tonight. Life is going by so fast, i just wish i could stop it for a little while so i could fully enjoy my last few weeks here in the only real home I've had over the past four years. The world outside our bubble here scares me...I'm so different that I used to be. I don't even know who the scared, battered, insecure little girl was that entered the doors of Sheridan Hall in the fall of 2004. Sure, who I am now still has pieces of her with me, as a reminder, of what I cannot become again & as a reminder of how far I've come, and of what I truly want in life. That is one thing that has not changed since I came here: I know what I want still. It's very basic---I want to be important and make a difference in this world. Important is open to interpretation...important to someone, important in whatever profession I end up in. Wherever I end up in life, as long as I can say I accomplished that, that is all I care about.
The past four years have been amazing, especially the last two. I know who I am, I know what I want, and now all I have to do is work on getting there. My greatest fear is keeping my lifelines in my life like B-Unit, my Musketeers, B-14, Colleen, Rumrunner, Andrew, Sean, the theatre kids, etc. It's taken me my whole life to finally find people who actually are the kind of friends I never thought I'd find. I can't lose them.
Tonight, I found out a friend of mine passed away. It hasn't sunk in, but in my heart it reminds me of everyone else I've lost in my life. It's hard to wrap my head around the fact that I will never see him again, I will never hear his voice again, I will never laugh with him again. TO realize that I will have to exist in a world where he doesn't seems ridiculous...but it's reality. Right now, everything else seems way more important...and if I just keep going, I can put off grieving. Maybe after the musical is over I can start dealing with it...who knows.
Life happens while you are making other plans. I'm living every moment of the next month to the fullest. I have to.
The past four years have been amazing, especially the last two. I know who I am, I know what I want, and now all I have to do is work on getting there. My greatest fear is keeping my lifelines in my life like B-Unit, my Musketeers, B-14, Colleen, Rumrunner, Andrew, Sean, the theatre kids, etc. It's taken me my whole life to finally find people who actually are the kind of friends I never thought I'd find. I can't lose them.
Tonight, I found out a friend of mine passed away. It hasn't sunk in, but in my heart it reminds me of everyone else I've lost in my life. It's hard to wrap my head around the fact that I will never see him again, I will never hear his voice again, I will never laugh with him again. TO realize that I will have to exist in a world where he doesn't seems ridiculous...but it's reality. Right now, everything else seems way more important...and if I just keep going, I can put off grieving. Maybe after the musical is over I can start dealing with it...who knows.
Life happens while you are making other plans. I'm living every moment of the next month to the fullest. I have to.