(no subject)
I wrote this for english when I was in a funk. I'm a LOT better now.
This weekend I got sick. Really sick. The kind of sick that makes you miserable. The kind of sick that makes you feel like you're not yourself. And I got some disturbing news.
TropicanaDanna: It's unfair. When you left home, you left a mom and a dad and a sister. And when you go home you'll go home to a mom, a dad, and a sister.
TropicanaDanna: When I left, I left home. I don't know what I'm going back to.
TropicanaDanna: It's not home.
shorte41: you're going back to me
shorte41: and ella
shorte41: and a whole bunch of other awesome people
shorte41: and a new little cutie pie who you can corrupt
TropicanaDanna: I'm not saying it won't be good.
TropicanaDanna: I'm just saying it won't be home. Not right away at least.
shorte41: its just complicated
shorte41: home is changing for everyone
I went for a walk today with my iPod to get some fresh air and think things over. I walked on a street behind the Buttefield parking lot. About 30 feet down I took a seat in a pile of dirt. Axl's high soothing voice filled my ears. "Feels like I'm knocking on heaven's door..." After sitting in the dirt for ten minutes, I got up and brushed myself off. I didn't feel like me at all. And I don't know anyone here who can remind me of who I am. I walked back and from my top of the butterfield hill, I could see the clouds floating just above the mountains. It was beautiful. I thought it would turn into some kind of epiphany, but it didn't. It was just mountains. It was just clouds. It was just beautiful. "Knock knock knockin' on heaven's door..." I took a seat at the top of a hill to admire the view and hopefully come to some realization of why I was being put through this test. Why every couple of years something devistating has to happen to me. It wasn't long before I spotted some friends nearby. They invited me to get some lunch, and I figured it'd be a good idea to have a nice full meal, since I hadn't in five days. We walked down to the DC where I grabbed an orange, and a knife. I sat down and tried to cut it like we had at soccer practice in grade school. The knife was weak and hardly punctured the fruit. I thought, "Dammit. I can't do anything right lately." I got a salad which I choked down most of. Towards the end of my meal I looked down at a cucumber slice and tried to force one of the seeds out of it with my fork. I thought to myself, "What if this is just a cucumber? What if for one moment in time this is just a cucumber with just a seed? Maybe there isn't meaning behind eveything. Maybe there isn't meaning behind anything." That scared me.
I came back to my room after lunch. I said I was going to lie down, but here I am pouring my miserable afternoon onto the keyboard. I just want to feel better. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. I want to feel like myself. I want to feel like my friends arn't crazy for wanting to hang out with me. All I can do is take Nyquill, have plenty of liquids, and wait for an epiphany.
"Feels like I'm knockin' on heaven's door..."
This weekend I got sick. Really sick. The kind of sick that makes you miserable. The kind of sick that makes you feel like you're not yourself. And I got some disturbing news.
TropicanaDanna: It's unfair. When you left home, you left a mom and a dad and a sister. And when you go home you'll go home to a mom, a dad, and a sister.
TropicanaDanna: When I left, I left home. I don't know what I'm going back to.
TropicanaDanna: It's not home.
shorte41: you're going back to me
shorte41: and ella
shorte41: and a whole bunch of other awesome people
shorte41: and a new little cutie pie who you can corrupt
TropicanaDanna: I'm not saying it won't be good.
TropicanaDanna: I'm just saying it won't be home. Not right away at least.
shorte41: its just complicated
shorte41: home is changing for everyone
I went for a walk today with my iPod to get some fresh air and think things over. I walked on a street behind the Buttefield parking lot. About 30 feet down I took a seat in a pile of dirt. Axl's high soothing voice filled my ears. "Feels like I'm knocking on heaven's door..." After sitting in the dirt for ten minutes, I got up and brushed myself off. I didn't feel like me at all. And I don't know anyone here who can remind me of who I am. I walked back and from my top of the butterfield hill, I could see the clouds floating just above the mountains. It was beautiful. I thought it would turn into some kind of epiphany, but it didn't. It was just mountains. It was just clouds. It was just beautiful. "Knock knock knockin' on heaven's door..." I took a seat at the top of a hill to admire the view and hopefully come to some realization of why I was being put through this test. Why every couple of years something devistating has to happen to me. It wasn't long before I spotted some friends nearby. They invited me to get some lunch, and I figured it'd be a good idea to have a nice full meal, since I hadn't in five days. We walked down to the DC where I grabbed an orange, and a knife. I sat down and tried to cut it like we had at soccer practice in grade school. The knife was weak and hardly punctured the fruit. I thought, "Dammit. I can't do anything right lately." I got a salad which I choked down most of. Towards the end of my meal I looked down at a cucumber slice and tried to force one of the seeds out of it with my fork. I thought to myself, "What if this is just a cucumber? What if for one moment in time this is just a cucumber with just a seed? Maybe there isn't meaning behind eveything. Maybe there isn't meaning behind anything." That scared me.
I came back to my room after lunch. I said I was going to lie down, but here I am pouring my miserable afternoon onto the keyboard. I just want to feel better. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. I want to feel like myself. I want to feel like my friends arn't crazy for wanting to hang out with me. All I can do is take Nyquill, have plenty of liquids, and wait for an epiphany.
"Feels like I'm knockin' on heaven's door..."