I had tucked this away in my inbox somewhere with the intention of replying much sooner than this. But in my haste to clean out my inbox one day, I'm quite sure I accidentally deleted it.
The thought, however, has been in my head. Something I've been pondering, so...here's what I can offer.
For starters, I don't have any answers, just my own observations and experiences, so don't take this as any sort of categorical stance on the subject. I like to think that my views are still changing and being shaped and the truth is becoming a little clearer.
That being said, I don't think the problem lies in gays/homos/fags/Marys/queers being friends. I don't have any problem establishing and maintaining healthy, loving friendships with homosexuals that seem to me to be much for fulfilling and rewarding that relationships with MOST of my heterosexual friends. And most of my heterosexual friendships are with females, as per the stereotype. That's my own comfort level. There are lots of straight guys out there that I get along with, work with, would do anything for, but I don't consider them "close friends". I'm sure that the potential for close friendship would be there if I felt I was enough in control of my own attractions, but sadly...I'm not. What I know about myself and who I tend to find attractive is what keeps me having straight male friends at arm's length. I don't have to do anything to keep them there. It's just an unspoken and understood boundary.
My homosexual friends, however, I'm plenty comfortable with. I don't worry about being attracted to them. Sure, I find them attractive, but somehow the attraction there is much easier to control. I'm able to maintain a normal friendship, even if what I perceive to be as "feelings" are developing. I had this little problem with Andrew/Drew Greer not long before he left. It wasn't anything strong and I was well aware that it was because he was taking such a noble step, AND because he'd be out of the country for a few years. Odd, I know. But this is supposed to be about general friendships...not my own.
Thanks for your thoughts on all of this. You brought up some things I hadn't really considered. With all this new food for thought I'm still pondering and the verdict is still out.
Haha, yeah I sort of got a crush on Andrew Greer right before he left too. It must be something about friends moving far away that makes me want to cling to them.
The thought, however, has been in my head. Something I've been pondering, so...here's what I can offer.
For starters, I don't have any answers, just my own observations and experiences, so don't take this as any sort of categorical stance on the subject. I like to think that my views are still changing and being shaped and the truth is becoming a little clearer.
That being said, I don't think the problem lies in gays/homos/fags/Marys/queers being friends. I don't have any problem establishing and maintaining healthy, loving friendships with homosexuals that seem to me to be much for fulfilling and rewarding that relationships with MOST of my heterosexual friends. And most of my heterosexual friendships are with females, as per the stereotype. That's my own comfort level. There are lots of straight guys out there that I get along with, work with, would do anything for, but I don't consider them "close friends". I'm sure that the potential for close friendship would be there if I felt I was enough in control of my own attractions, but sadly...I'm not. What I know about myself and who I tend to find attractive is what keeps me having straight male friends at arm's length. I don't have to do anything to keep them there. It's just an unspoken and understood boundary.
My homosexual friends, however, I'm plenty comfortable with. I don't worry about being attracted to them. Sure, I find them attractive, but somehow the attraction there is much easier to control. I'm able to maintain a normal friendship, even if what I perceive to be as "feelings" are developing. I had this little problem with Andrew/Drew Greer not long before he left. It wasn't anything strong and I was well aware that it was because he was taking such a noble step, AND because he'd be out of the country for a few years. Odd, I know. But this is supposed to be about general friendships...not my own.
Reply
Haha, yeah I sort of got a crush on Andrew Greer right before he left too. It must be something about friends moving far away that makes me want to cling to them.
Reply
;-)
Reply
Leave a comment