i think this is a long drive.
i have been in the most bizarre moods lately.
or maybe just one long stirring mood.
i've been feeling like such a brat.
like not to anyone (if i have been to you my sincerest apologies). But its just this weather/place/time/life?
today i woke up and opened the front door (i was already running late, and missed breakfast)and i just looked out at the snow and i turned around and walked back to my room. then i left five minutes later but i just couldn't stay at school. i had to get out of that place. i couldn't listen to goddamn wartbeard go on about nothing for hours with about a million "um's" trickled throughout the lecture.
i dont know, i really dont. it was weird because there was a point where i was actually blaming him for me missing breakfast and not the fact that i just kept hitting the snooze button.
i just think i've been wasting so much time. i want to learn and i want to better myself but also just want to stay in bed and watch celebrity rehab.
and that is seriously like WHAT THE FUCK?
i keep having these dreams that i am a professional wrestler too.
what that has to say about my psyche has got to be really fucked (full grown man in spandex must grapple with other full grown men in front of an audience to prove his manhood?????)
why god and seriously what the fuck.
i think i've done a pretty good job bullshitting this last year and a half/two years. i'm not really sure when i just stopped really trying to do anything or if i ever started.
but i think theres a storm coming. (took a nap while reading american gods with blue on the couch HAHAH) and i feel good about a change. Like something might actually be big enough to make me do something real/enhanced/enchanted????
i love the people i love.
you are so very unique and special.
it makes me want to be like that, and that is the best feeling someone can have, is to WANT to be something they are not now, perhaps were once, perhaps still yet to be???
Speak in riddles and the answers are just as ludicrous as the question, but isnt that what we are?
A bunch of animals, ludicrous by nature (symmetric by design) wrapped in riddles looking for other animals that make us whole, whole heartedly full of love and completely confused and utterly heartbroken.
i really want to be more happy for people, i can.
i really want to do something so real it hurts. i will.
i really want to walk outside scream that everything is going to be so ok and everyone i love and anyone who loves me is gold and make it so the gods believe it and understand that this weather is no longer productive and that we need sunshine (and we could all use a little sunshine) and for the skys to open up and the sun to poke through and for the snow to melt and the birds would hurry back to michigan and sunglasses and shorts and cars with windows down and music and music and music.
and i would do this. And i would do this because i it is what i need, and maybe something my friends need.
and i would do this for me and for everyone
but like i said....
i just feel like such a brat lately.
or maybe just one long stirring mood.
i've been feeling like such a brat.
like not to anyone (if i have been to you my sincerest apologies). But its just this weather/place/time/life?
today i woke up and opened the front door (i was already running late, and missed breakfast)and i just looked out at the snow and i turned around and walked back to my room. then i left five minutes later but i just couldn't stay at school. i had to get out of that place. i couldn't listen to goddamn wartbeard go on about nothing for hours with about a million "um's" trickled throughout the lecture.
i dont know, i really dont. it was weird because there was a point where i was actually blaming him for me missing breakfast and not the fact that i just kept hitting the snooze button.
i just think i've been wasting so much time. i want to learn and i want to better myself but also just want to stay in bed and watch celebrity rehab.
and that is seriously like WHAT THE FUCK?
i keep having these dreams that i am a professional wrestler too.
what that has to say about my psyche has got to be really fucked (full grown man in spandex must grapple with other full grown men in front of an audience to prove his manhood?????)
why god and seriously what the fuck.
i think i've done a pretty good job bullshitting this last year and a half/two years. i'm not really sure when i just stopped really trying to do anything or if i ever started.
but i think theres a storm coming. (took a nap while reading american gods with blue on the couch HAHAH) and i feel good about a change. Like something might actually be big enough to make me do something real/enhanced/enchanted????
i love the people i love.
you are so very unique and special.
it makes me want to be like that, and that is the best feeling someone can have, is to WANT to be something they are not now, perhaps were once, perhaps still yet to be???
Speak in riddles and the answers are just as ludicrous as the question, but isnt that what we are?
A bunch of animals, ludicrous by nature (symmetric by design) wrapped in riddles looking for other animals that make us whole, whole heartedly full of love and completely confused and utterly heartbroken.
i really want to be more happy for people, i can.
i really want to do something so real it hurts. i will.
i really want to walk outside scream that everything is going to be so ok and everyone i love and anyone who loves me is gold and make it so the gods believe it and understand that this weather is no longer productive and that we need sunshine (and we could all use a little sunshine) and for the skys to open up and the sun to poke through and for the snow to melt and the birds would hurry back to michigan and sunglasses and shorts and cars with windows down and music and music and music.
and i would do this. And i would do this because i it is what i need, and maybe something my friends need.
and i would do this for me and for everyone
but like i said....
i just feel like such a brat lately.