Danitor's Guide to Corporate Looting
Well, this past week at USM has been an eventful one. All of my classes appear hardcorely awesome. (So awesome that a word I made up has been inserted. I'm sorry I haven't been posting, but college is a little draining and plus my DSL has been showing signs of crapping the bed. Every day this past week has been filled with opportunities to aquire free stuff. And well, for those of you who know me... I am somewhat of a master of pilaging free goods from tables at job fairs and such. So I feel it is a civil service to pass on my knowledge in this guide. Feel free to pass this on... It's good stuff.
*DANITOR'S GUIDE TO CORPORATE LOOTING*
If you are reading this, then let me commend you upon wanting to learn this talent. I am called Danitor, the logo pirate. My ability did not come naturally, to become a true master takes discipline and practice. So, if you are only on a whim, this guide is not for you. Just kidding. What I am going to share to you disciples is the dark secrets of the House of Danitor. This wisdom is the result of two generations of corporate looters. So, rest assured, it works. Well know, grab a pilfered bank water bottle and settle in for a lesson on coroprate looting.
The first rule is: Don't Panic! If you can't get all the tables on your fisrt couple of tries, it's okay! It takes time to really master the art.
# Two: Before you go to the place of pilfering, make sure you are prepared. Back in the old days, places didn't offer bags for loot, so I learned to bring a bag to put the loot in. Today, most tables offer a bag, but just in case, have a bag for all the supplies. Also the right clothing is a must. To ensure you won't be labelled as a "chronic looter," wear non-descrip clothing so you will blend in. Bring items like hats, glasses and/or a change in shirt so you can hit a table more than once.
# Three: Learn to produce an utter look of indifference to the people trying to push their product. If they note interest, they will engage you in unwanted conversation that will keep you from looting more tables. Sometimes, it is neccessary to use idle chit-chat to get the item you desire. But I advise to NEVER, EVER start the conversation. This will show to them that you might want what they are offering. It's okay if you are, I guess, but I never am! Much of this talent is acting, so you will have to learn how to do that on your own.
# Four: Go to each table in a pre-determined pattern. I.e., I do the outside, then weave to the inner tables. Merely wandering about raises the chance of not getting everything availble. I can't stress enough the importance of having a plan.
Well, those are the rules. Here are some suggestions of places for prime looting:
1. Job/ College fairs. By-far the best place for pens and things of that nature. Play your cards right, and you will NEVER have to go pen shopping again, like me!
2. Home show. Assorted goodies
3. Ski/ Snowboard expos. Best place for bumper stickers ( and good deals on snowbaording equip.)
4. Grand openings of stores. Yummy food and propaganda.
I used to teach these lessons privately, but the demand is too great. Maybe I'll finalize the guide and add diagrams and examples. For now, this is the skeletal, bare-to-the-bone guide.
ENJOY!!
*DANITOR'S GUIDE TO CORPORATE LOOTING*
If you are reading this, then let me commend you upon wanting to learn this talent. I am called Danitor, the logo pirate. My ability did not come naturally, to become a true master takes discipline and practice. So, if you are only on a whim, this guide is not for you. Just kidding. What I am going to share to you disciples is the dark secrets of the House of Danitor. This wisdom is the result of two generations of corporate looters. So, rest assured, it works. Well know, grab a pilfered bank water bottle and settle in for a lesson on coroprate looting.
The first rule is: Don't Panic! If you can't get all the tables on your fisrt couple of tries, it's okay! It takes time to really master the art.
# Two: Before you go to the place of pilfering, make sure you are prepared. Back in the old days, places didn't offer bags for loot, so I learned to bring a bag to put the loot in. Today, most tables offer a bag, but just in case, have a bag for all the supplies. Also the right clothing is a must. To ensure you won't be labelled as a "chronic looter," wear non-descrip clothing so you will blend in. Bring items like hats, glasses and/or a change in shirt so you can hit a table more than once.
# Three: Learn to produce an utter look of indifference to the people trying to push their product. If they note interest, they will engage you in unwanted conversation that will keep you from looting more tables. Sometimes, it is neccessary to use idle chit-chat to get the item you desire. But I advise to NEVER, EVER start the conversation. This will show to them that you might want what they are offering. It's okay if you are, I guess, but I never am! Much of this talent is acting, so you will have to learn how to do that on your own.
# Four: Go to each table in a pre-determined pattern. I.e., I do the outside, then weave to the inner tables. Merely wandering about raises the chance of not getting everything availble. I can't stress enough the importance of having a plan.
Well, those are the rules. Here are some suggestions of places for prime looting:
1. Job/ College fairs. By-far the best place for pens and things of that nature. Play your cards right, and you will NEVER have to go pen shopping again, like me!
2. Home show. Assorted goodies
3. Ski/ Snowboard expos. Best place for bumper stickers ( and good deals on snowbaording equip.)
4. Grand openings of stores. Yummy food and propaganda.
I used to teach these lessons privately, but the demand is too great. Maybe I'll finalize the guide and add diagrams and examples. For now, this is the skeletal, bare-to-the-bone guide.
ENJOY!!