Well, how do you like that?

[danithethird]

Prepared rage in Meisner today... and it wasn't too bad. I mean, I certainly wasn't full at the door, and when Pinsof opened it I felt myself have to make a choice: push for more rage or let it all drop. And I knew that if I dropped it I'd be kicking myself for a week. So I pushed it, and it actually led to something good ("good meaning full of anger in this case). I stopped the exercise too early, and I kind of wish I'd pushed myself to stay in the room, but the amazingly cool part is how little of it I remember. I'm a very mental actor: I've been able to think my way through life, and so far my acting has reflected that. But this is one of the few times that I've not been thinking up there. Usually that's all I can do. But my brain didn't retain a whole lot, which is FANTASTIC. For this I am proud of myself, and I really did go somewhere emotionally in my preparation. I got out in the hallway after John gave me rage, and I panicked because I didn't want to be in a public place. I perform more than I care to admit, and even though I wouldn't consciously want to, I knew I'd be performing my prep for the random passers-by in the hall. And then I remembered that little alcove outside the Thayer Theater dressing rooms where no one EVER goes. I've used that space before when I couldn't be alone at home and I needed a little sanctuary from life, so I ran up there and just went at it. My scenario didn't completely connect for me, but it's the farthest I've gotten with it. I know that if what I was thinking up were actually happening, I would have reacted differently than I did. But what I was able to do was let go of watching myself and reminding myself of the fact that this wasn't how it would really be. I just did what I did, no judgments of myself. That's really huge for me. And you know what? I survived. The world is still turning, as JC says. I'm he recognized that this is a hard one for me to prep. I just can't wait to get to joy. That's so within my grasp. I mean, four words: And, Baby, Makes, Seven. Done.

And now I must research snacks I can make for the read-through. Some people are coming straight from class, so I want to provide them with some sustenance. Something yummy and filling, but still read-through conducive. Whee!