Gay activism = awesome
I went to a Gay Liberation Network meeting tonight, and I loved it. It's everything I've been craving in a gay rights movement: sincere, informed, and well-organized grassroots actions that happen consistently in solid numbers. I'm stoked about the protest march this Saturday. I'll be there early to help GLN distribute protest materials, and then we'll be marching in the streets of Chicago all morning. Then maybe the Iraq protest-planning meeting (the first one six years ago had 15,000 people, and they had to shut down Lake Shore Drive to accomodate everyone!) in the afternoon. I'm getting to see some of the behind-the-scenes politics of making these things happen: protest and march permits, how to deal with the police, possibilities of arrest, etc. It's all I ever wanted to find, and I found it! I'm even more excited for the Freedom to Marry Day (on Valentine's Day, of course) action that we're planning. We're meeting later this month to work out details, but it will be really momentous if we can make it work. These people even have their own TV slot every few weeks on Chicago cable channel 21, and I signed up tonight to get host training so that maybe I can host a few episodes. I have some cool ideas for possible programming: the importance of heterosexual involvement in the movement, the impact of the arts and entertainment in depicting LGBTs and moving us forward, trans rights and the trans perspective on the movement (insert Jamie here), and maybe even some exploration into male vs. female involvement and how to bridge that gap in the queer community. I'm getting a little ambitious, I know, but they're just ideas that popped up when they brought the whole TV host idea up in the meeting. And I love that there are people my age in this group. Possible friendships!
This Valentine's Day action is, unfortunately, in direct conflict with my DePaul audition that morning. Solution? I moved my audition to... gulp... January 24. Two weeks and counting. I'm glad I've been starting to pound out these monologues, and I really feel like I'll be ready with two more weeks of solid work. I ended up ditching my Portia piece in favor of Phebe from As You Like It, just because I feel it's a stronger contrast to Tracy and I can play more. I'm still too self-conscious with Portia, and I need to just own that and let that one simmer on the back burner for a while. Phebe will be a stronger choice, and I like where it's going now that I can put my "acting blinders" on with these new meds. It's got a lot more depth and play than it used to, and I can play her and not the image of her that lives in my head. Big difference, and I'm glad I'm starting to figure that out. I'm also glad I'm finding something to latch onto with Tracy, and that it's almost impossible for me to say those words in a disconnected way. It's like my mouth can't form the words unless my gut is involved at least partially in the piece. It's not as clean as I want it yet, but it's a HUGE improvement. Especially the ending. I like the ending so much more than I used to.
Have I mentioned I love being an actor?
On a down note, I think I might be developing that allergic reaction to my Lamictal. I upped my dosage again yesterday, and today I started breaking out on my chest and back. It's faded a bit, but who knows. I hope we don't have to start all over with meds, but better that than the whole deadly rash thing I suppose. Hopefully we're panicking over nothing and Gupta will clear me tomorrow, but if not... well, I don't know. I really, really dislike the idea of brand new meds, but that's how this is going to work for life, I think. Meds will be constantly shifting and changing, and I just have to get used to that. It'll take some time, but hopefully I'll get there.
I think I might switch back to weekly therapy. I don't like not having a place to just vent without restraint for an hour a week. I had a really rough night last night, and I think it's because I'm sitting on a lot of things I would have let out at therapy if I'd had a session this Monday. The key is not to look at it as a setback, just a realization of what I need and then doing what I have to do to get that need met. That actually makes it sound like a positive, doesn't it? Gotta stop beating up on myself for doing this at my actual pace, not the pace I'd like to go at.
To end on a positive, I love Adele. I found a blend mixtape album of her CD 19 mixed with a bunch of sweet 80's beats. Her voice is so sexy and evocative. I love singers who do weird, offbeat things with their voices, because it means they trust their talent enough to know that vocal styling that is unexpected or odd will work anyway. It's kind of like abstract art, only with singing. It takes a lot of confidence that what you create will be enough without having to follow given patterns. I like that.