Letter to John...
AIM IM with Hawke440
D:Dear John,
I hope this letter finds you in good health.
J:yes?
mayhaps
D: We miss you unceasingly here at home.
J: aww
D: There are so many things I would like to tell you, and so many storys to recite.
J: ohkay...
D: First off, little Billy did not make it through the winter.
J: NO!
D: Bessie our old cow has been stricken with AIDS.
J: i saw that coming
D: This comes as quite the shock and dismay because we have regularly suckled upon her utters.
J: this is true
but i wore a condom
D: Jimmy comes over almost every night for midnight jaunts in the haystacks above the barn.
J: hasnt he always?
D: Oh John, Ma and Pa miss you sorely
J: ma and pa died of tuburculosis years ago
D: and they wonder how you're doing in the "Big City"
J: it is smaller than the farm
D: Although Ma and Pa died of tuberculosis years ago, they still talk to me every afternoon when I visit their graves.
J: that makes sense
D: They said that they hope you have met some kind hearted people in the Big City...
J: nope
they raped me and stole my money
and my money's virginity
D: and that you have not fallen to the temptations that many young men fall into when they go far away from home.
J: anal sex?
D: There are many stories that we hear from Tim who just came back from the "Big city" a month ago.
J: hah
tim was strange to begin with
D: He tells us that there are men who have sex with other men, and not just their cousins and animals.
J: isnt he "Teresa" now?
D: Than again, the "Big City" has changed Tim.
He's no longer a man.
J: no, he had that surgery
lord knows where he got the money
D: but instead goes by Teresa and has found a new job working as the bar maid at the local saloon.
J: thats good
for him
D: Grand Ma and Pa hope that the Big city's "Indoor plumbing" has not corrupted you.
J: sheesh
tell them im afraid of it
demons in the "toilet"
D: and that you regularly defecate outside to remember where you are from.
Our little sisters and brothers, all 12 of them, wish you the best of luck.
and hope that you have not fallen ill to some weird disease that we hear festers in the city...
If you need money we will send what we can.
J: yes please
D: I'm sorry to say that we have but 12 pence, and Bernice the old goat to spare.
J: hmm
bernice would feed at least 12 hobos,
whom i hire to fight every wed nite
and thats how i make the money
D: We hear that you are making quite some money with your novel "BUM FIGHT NIGHTS"
We dont know what they are.
J: bums are like dad
D: but we assume they are some manufactured goods of some sort.
J: basically
D: Please send money, we have not yet gotten the wooden leg for Timmy.
J: not yet/
D: He still hobbles on his stub.
J: i mean just go out in the woods and cut one down, fool
haha
remember when we cut it shorter,
while he was asleep
good times
D: But thankfully he can sleep better at night with the knowledge that someone will not sneak into his room in the middle of the night and cut his leg shorter.
It has not happened since you left us.
J: really?
it was fun
D: Although he still has the nightmares.
J: haha
you need to scare that kid more
keep him in line
ever since we poked his eye out with that hot poker, hes been a bit bitchy
D: Timmy also needs a new eye patch.
J: whatever
D: if you have money please send some.
J: you dont NEED an eyepatch
D: We use the empty socket to store coins and candy.
J: nice
D: But do tell how you've been doing in the "Big City"
We hear that you may be seeing a young lady?
J: ummm
i saw one once
i kicked her in the balls like you told me
D: I hope that you have been civil to her and wooed her with your charm and country manner.
or should I say "simple manner"
Well the night grows dark and my candle light dims.
J: aww i love you dear brother
D: I must go to bed, I think I hear Timmy screaming again from the nightmares.
J: haha
kick him in the shin
D:I must attend to him.
He screams your name whenever the nightmares come.
J: he would
sissy
D: I have to believe that he is calling for you.
J: he misses me so
D: He loves you so dearly, although he avoids you when you come to visit.
Well dear brother, I hope that this letter reaches you.
and please write back soon.
J; sorry it got lost in the mail
D: We miss you dearly.
J: yeah right
haha
i'll believe that
D: Maybe someday I will be able to visit the "big city"
J: no
never
D: One can only dream...
G'night dear brother...
Sincerely,
Your Brother, Lil Dan.
J: nite lil dan
D:Dear John,
I hope this letter finds you in good health.
J:yes?
mayhaps
D: We miss you unceasingly here at home.
J: aww
D: There are so many things I would like to tell you, and so many storys to recite.
J: ohkay...
D: First off, little Billy did not make it through the winter.
J: NO!
D: Bessie our old cow has been stricken with AIDS.
J: i saw that coming
D: This comes as quite the shock and dismay because we have regularly suckled upon her utters.
J: this is true
but i wore a condom
D: Jimmy comes over almost every night for midnight jaunts in the haystacks above the barn.
J: hasnt he always?
D: Oh John, Ma and Pa miss you sorely
J: ma and pa died of tuburculosis years ago
D: and they wonder how you're doing in the "Big City"
J: it is smaller than the farm
D: Although Ma and Pa died of tuberculosis years ago, they still talk to me every afternoon when I visit their graves.
J: that makes sense
D: They said that they hope you have met some kind hearted people in the Big City...
J: nope
they raped me and stole my money
and my money's virginity
D: and that you have not fallen to the temptations that many young men fall into when they go far away from home.
J: anal sex?
D: There are many stories that we hear from Tim who just came back from the "Big city" a month ago.
J: hah
tim was strange to begin with
D: He tells us that there are men who have sex with other men, and not just their cousins and animals.
J: isnt he "Teresa" now?
D: Than again, the "Big City" has changed Tim.
He's no longer a man.
J: no, he had that surgery
lord knows where he got the money
D: but instead goes by Teresa and has found a new job working as the bar maid at the local saloon.
J: thats good
for him
D: Grand Ma and Pa hope that the Big city's "Indoor plumbing" has not corrupted you.
J: sheesh
tell them im afraid of it
demons in the "toilet"
D: and that you regularly defecate outside to remember where you are from.
Our little sisters and brothers, all 12 of them, wish you the best of luck.
and hope that you have not fallen ill to some weird disease that we hear festers in the city...
If you need money we will send what we can.
J: yes please
D: I'm sorry to say that we have but 12 pence, and Bernice the old goat to spare.
J: hmm
bernice would feed at least 12 hobos,
whom i hire to fight every wed nite
and thats how i make the money
D: We hear that you are making quite some money with your novel "BUM FIGHT NIGHTS"
We dont know what they are.
J: bums are like dad
D: but we assume they are some manufactured goods of some sort.
J: basically
D: Please send money, we have not yet gotten the wooden leg for Timmy.
J: not yet/
D: He still hobbles on his stub.
J: i mean just go out in the woods and cut one down, fool
haha
remember when we cut it shorter,
while he was asleep
good times
D: But thankfully he can sleep better at night with the knowledge that someone will not sneak into his room in the middle of the night and cut his leg shorter.
It has not happened since you left us.
J: really?
it was fun
D: Although he still has the nightmares.
J: haha
you need to scare that kid more
keep him in line
ever since we poked his eye out with that hot poker, hes been a bit bitchy
D: Timmy also needs a new eye patch.
J: whatever
D: if you have money please send some.
J: you dont NEED an eyepatch
D: We use the empty socket to store coins and candy.
J: nice
D: But do tell how you've been doing in the "Big City"
We hear that you may be seeing a young lady?
J: ummm
i saw one once
i kicked her in the balls like you told me
D: I hope that you have been civil to her and wooed her with your charm and country manner.
or should I say "simple manner"
Well the night grows dark and my candle light dims.
J: aww i love you dear brother
D: I must go to bed, I think I hear Timmy screaming again from the nightmares.
J: haha
kick him in the shin
D:I must attend to him.
He screams your name whenever the nightmares come.
J: he would
sissy
D: I have to believe that he is calling for you.
J: he misses me so
D: He loves you so dearly, although he avoids you when you come to visit.
Well dear brother, I hope that this letter reaches you.
and please write back soon.
J; sorry it got lost in the mail
D: We miss you dearly.
J: yeah right
haha
i'll believe that
D: Maybe someday I will be able to visit the "big city"
J: no
never
D: One can only dream...
G'night dear brother...
Sincerely,
Your Brother, Lil Dan.
J: nite lil dan