The Bizarre Happenstance of Post Kiss Tingles
Title: The Bizarre Happenstance of Post Kiss Tingles,
or ‘What should I do?” (Seungska)
With Secret Big Bang, featuring: Yoon CL, S7un.
Genre: humor, crack
Rating: Gen to PG
Word count: 1381
AN: Winner of the Secret Big Bang Fic Contest on secretbbfics, prompt #4: Jootop and Seungska kiss. Yay!
The thing is, Seungska is the king of the hallyu wave, and being the king of the hallyu wave implies that he’s kissed a lot of women (but managed to stay pure and innocent at the same time, just like that). It’s like math, he reasons, very proud of himself.
Secretary Kang tells him that this is unlike any math he’s ever heard of.
Seungska flips him off. It’s not like Secretary Kang is some kind of math expert. (Neither is Seungska, having barely managed to graduate from high school and everything - he’s more of a literature guy.)
Anyway, the point is, he’s kissed so many women he’s lost count (somewhere after the thing with Yoon CL).
And Jootop, well, Jootop doesn’t have that much experience. Seungska knows, they’re cousins and they (used to) tell each other everything. When they were kids they would hide under the covers with flashlights and talk about girls and baseball.
(There was also this once when they were thirteen, and it only happened because Seungska needed to experiment before his date. And Jootop was a very willing guinea pig, okay? It’s not like Seungska molested him or anything.)
Erm.
So, yes, Jootop has kissed less than Seungska. It’s an easy reasoning: he only dated briefly from, what, nineteen to twenty-one. And then there was the accident. And Jootop turned from Seungska’s adoring dongsaeng to that cold, heartless bastard of a relative.
Sometimes Seungska gets the urge to ruffle his hair like in the good old times, but he’s got the feeing Jootop would probably bite him if he tried.
All this thinking brings Seungska back to the obvious statement: he’s kissed a lot while Jootop hasn’t.
Probably. G-Raim doesn’t seem like she’d be a huge fan of making-out, if the way she hit Jootop with her purse that one time was any indication.
All in all it would make sense that, were they ever to kiss, he and Jootop - which is not going to happen (again) ever (soon) in the future, by the way - well, let’s just say Seungska’s sweet, juicy, moisturized, innocent lips would probably be Jootop’s early Christmas present, not that Seungska would sacrifice his purity so futilely.
None of this explains why Seungska is getting the tingles, hours after the (degrading, shameful, not-to-ever-be-mentioned-again) kiss. They start from his lips and expand to his cheeks, his neck, his heart and end up warming his stomach.
“Are you sure it’s not the flu?” Secretary Kang asks. Seungska has been telling him about his recent predicament - without mentioning any of the Jootop-related details, obviously - and while he appreciates the attentive ear, well, Secretary Kang isn’t that helpful, really.
Seungska tells him so. Secretary Kang bows apologetically.
He decides to go to Team Leader Tae for advice, because Team Leader Tae looks serious, composed and reliable (and scary).
Seungska exposes his problem, not omitting any detail, and even though Team Leader Tae frowns when Seungska mentions G-Raim, at least he listens until the end and he looks like he understood what Seungska was talking about.
Which is already more than Seungska could say for himself.
Team Leader Tae refuses to give advice.
Seungska successively glares, yells, pouts and whines at him. It’s useless, though, and Seungska has to drag his (sexy) (top star) feet back to his place - where Jootop is coincidentally lounging on his couch, an insolent eyebrow raised at him.
“Don’t misinterpret,” he says before Seungska can tell him to get lost. “I was under the influence when it happened, and it didn’t mean anything.”
The fact that he seems so unbothered by the- the kiss upsets Seungska to no end.
“Yah!” he yelps. “You think I care? You tarnished purity at its epi- hypo- epo-“
“Epitome,” Secretary Kang inputs from his hiding spot behind the door.
“Whatever!” Seungska screeches. “Explain yourself, Kim Jootop!”
Jootop is utterly unimpressed and merely raises his second eyebrow (which makes him look weird, like a constantly surprised meerkat).
“I should be the one filing a report,” he sighs. “Ever since it happened, I’ve been feeling a little sick.” He pins Seungska with his gaze. (And Seungska definitely doesn’t squirm.) “Are you sure you haven’t got herpes?” Jootop asks coolly.
“Aish!” Seungska yells. “Get out of my house!”
Later when he flops down on the couch, the cushions are already shaped to Jootop’s (round) (but not attractive in the least) butt and Seungska fidgets, disturbed by the residual body warmth.
He wakes up the next morning, with a crick in the neck, rumpled clothes and - unbelievable - bags under his perfectly shaped, top-star eyes.
Seungska refuses to acknowledge that this might have to do with one too many dream about Jootop’s (okay, soft) lips.
But clearly there is a problem.
“Is the problem your singing?” S7un asks him. “Because if you want my opinion, well, it sucks.”
Right. It never actually struck Seungska before - but now it’s obvious! S7un likes men *like that*! S7un knows about kissing men! He must have answers to all the questions (actually, not that many) that Seungska has.
Seungska leans very close, and S7un makes a weird face:
“What?”
“How’s it like to kiss a man?” Seungska asks, genuinely interested and eager and everything.
S7un doesn’t answer at first, and then he smirks and says:
“You really want to know?”
He puckers his lips at Seungska, who suddenly sees the glaring red warning lights: KISS ATTACK. Again!
Seungska lets out a very manly scream, and runs away. Somehow he thinks S7un’s evil cackle keeps following him long afterwards.
Seungska thinks very hard. He considers calling Yoon CL for advice.
Here is how the conversation goes:
“Do you get weird tingles after a man kisses you?”
“You’re such a jerk! I can’t believe you would ask me something like that!” CL shrieks.
“Yah!” Seungska yells. “What have I done, again?”
Yoon CL hangs up on him.
Luckily, Secretary Kang refrains from commenting on that one.
Seungska isn’t too sure what he should expect, having tea with G-Raim, because her (probably) boyfriend kissed him and it’s all going to be very awkward.
It’s not.
G-Raim is still his biggest fan, which makes Seungska proud beyond belief. (He offers her his autograph on a napkin as thanks, she calls him oppa and blushes cutely - damn, sometimes Seungska loves his fans.)
“Aren’t you too mad at oppa about that thing with Jootop?” Seungska asks with a winning smile.
G-Raim flaps her hand around:
“Not at all!” she says, cheeks suddenly flushed. “Jootop mustn’t have been himself when it happened, I’m sure by now he’s forgotten everything about the… sweet… soft feel of oppa’s delicate mouth against his.”
G-Raim, sighting wistfully, avoids Seungska’s eyes and busies herself with readjusting her breasts.
Seungska is a bit lost, here.
So for the rest of the day Seungska locks himself into his house and refuses to see anyone, only shouting and throwing pillows at S7un when the brat comes to poke fun at him.
How dare he.
Seungska is the king of the hallyu wave.
Salvation comes with Jootop’s mother. (Unbelievable but true.)
Seungska has always been a bit terrified by his aunt, so it’s really saying a lot that he opens the door for her himself and doesn’t hide behind the couch like he did when he was a kid.
“Can I get you something to drink?” Seungska asks (and his voice does. not. squeak.)
“A glass of water,” Auntie Dae says dryly.
That’s usually a very bad sign.
“So,” she starts once they’re settled - Auntie Dae with her glass full of (icy) water, Seungska sipping orange juice with a straw. “I hear there were some indecent happenings with my son yesterday.”
Seungska shrinks into his cushions. “Were there?”
“How dare you!” Auntie Dae explodes. “You tarnished Jootop’s pure, virginal lips-” Seungska chokes on his orange juice “-you tainted his innocence, you- you-”
Seungska doesn’t even try to dodge the water. He (almost) doesn’t cry when an ice-cube hits him in the eye.
Auntie Dae sighs. “Smell,” she says. “Not you!” she shrieks at Seungska.
So all in all it’s all it takes to cure Seungska from the weird tingles: now, every time he thinks of kissing Jootop again, he sees his aunt’s purple lipstick and feels cold water on his face.
or ‘What should I do?” (Seungska)
With Secret Big Bang, featuring: Yoon CL, S7un.
Genre: humor, crack
Rating: Gen to PG
Word count: 1381
AN: Winner of the Secret Big Bang Fic Contest on secretbbfics, prompt #4: Jootop and Seungska kiss. Yay!
The thing is, Seungska is the king of the hallyu wave, and being the king of the hallyu wave implies that he’s kissed a lot of women (but managed to stay pure and innocent at the same time, just like that). It’s like math, he reasons, very proud of himself.
Secretary Kang tells him that this is unlike any math he’s ever heard of.
Seungska flips him off. It’s not like Secretary Kang is some kind of math expert. (Neither is Seungska, having barely managed to graduate from high school and everything - he’s more of a literature guy.)
Anyway, the point is, he’s kissed so many women he’s lost count (somewhere after the thing with Yoon CL).
And Jootop, well, Jootop doesn’t have that much experience. Seungska knows, they’re cousins and they (used to) tell each other everything. When they were kids they would hide under the covers with flashlights and talk about girls and baseball.
(There was also this once when they were thirteen, and it only happened because Seungska needed to experiment before his date. And Jootop was a very willing guinea pig, okay? It’s not like Seungska molested him or anything.)
Erm.
So, yes, Jootop has kissed less than Seungska. It’s an easy reasoning: he only dated briefly from, what, nineteen to twenty-one. And then there was the accident. And Jootop turned from Seungska’s adoring dongsaeng to that cold, heartless bastard of a relative.
Sometimes Seungska gets the urge to ruffle his hair like in the good old times, but he’s got the feeing Jootop would probably bite him if he tried.
All this thinking brings Seungska back to the obvious statement: he’s kissed a lot while Jootop hasn’t.
Probably. G-Raim doesn’t seem like she’d be a huge fan of making-out, if the way she hit Jootop with her purse that one time was any indication.
All in all it would make sense that, were they ever to kiss, he and Jootop - which is not going to happen (again) ever (soon) in the future, by the way - well, let’s just say Seungska’s sweet, juicy, moisturized, innocent lips would probably be Jootop’s early Christmas present, not that Seungska would sacrifice his purity so futilely.
None of this explains why Seungska is getting the tingles, hours after the (degrading, shameful, not-to-ever-be-mentioned-again) kiss. They start from his lips and expand to his cheeks, his neck, his heart and end up warming his stomach.
“Are you sure it’s not the flu?” Secretary Kang asks. Seungska has been telling him about his recent predicament - without mentioning any of the Jootop-related details, obviously - and while he appreciates the attentive ear, well, Secretary Kang isn’t that helpful, really.
Seungska tells him so. Secretary Kang bows apologetically.
He decides to go to Team Leader Tae for advice, because Team Leader Tae looks serious, composed and reliable (and scary).
Seungska exposes his problem, not omitting any detail, and even though Team Leader Tae frowns when Seungska mentions G-Raim, at least he listens until the end and he looks like he understood what Seungska was talking about.
Which is already more than Seungska could say for himself.
Team Leader Tae refuses to give advice.
Seungska successively glares, yells, pouts and whines at him. It’s useless, though, and Seungska has to drag his (sexy) (top star) feet back to his place - where Jootop is coincidentally lounging on his couch, an insolent eyebrow raised at him.
“Don’t misinterpret,” he says before Seungska can tell him to get lost. “I was under the influence when it happened, and it didn’t mean anything.”
The fact that he seems so unbothered by the- the kiss upsets Seungska to no end.
“Yah!” he yelps. “You think I care? You tarnished purity at its epi- hypo- epo-“
“Epitome,” Secretary Kang inputs from his hiding spot behind the door.
“Whatever!” Seungska screeches. “Explain yourself, Kim Jootop!”
Jootop is utterly unimpressed and merely raises his second eyebrow (which makes him look weird, like a constantly surprised meerkat).
“I should be the one filing a report,” he sighs. “Ever since it happened, I’ve been feeling a little sick.” He pins Seungska with his gaze. (And Seungska definitely doesn’t squirm.) “Are you sure you haven’t got herpes?” Jootop asks coolly.
“Aish!” Seungska yells. “Get out of my house!”
Later when he flops down on the couch, the cushions are already shaped to Jootop’s (round) (but not attractive in the least) butt and Seungska fidgets, disturbed by the residual body warmth.
He wakes up the next morning, with a crick in the neck, rumpled clothes and - unbelievable - bags under his perfectly shaped, top-star eyes.
Seungska refuses to acknowledge that this might have to do with one too many dream about Jootop’s (okay, soft) lips.
But clearly there is a problem.
“Is the problem your singing?” S7un asks him. “Because if you want my opinion, well, it sucks.”
Right. It never actually struck Seungska before - but now it’s obvious! S7un likes men *like that*! S7un knows about kissing men! He must have answers to all the questions (actually, not that many) that Seungska has.
Seungska leans very close, and S7un makes a weird face:
“What?”
“How’s it like to kiss a man?” Seungska asks, genuinely interested and eager and everything.
S7un doesn’t answer at first, and then he smirks and says:
“You really want to know?”
He puckers his lips at Seungska, who suddenly sees the glaring red warning lights: KISS ATTACK. Again!
Seungska lets out a very manly scream, and runs away. Somehow he thinks S7un’s evil cackle keeps following him long afterwards.
Seungska thinks very hard. He considers calling Yoon CL for advice.
Here is how the conversation goes:
“Do you get weird tingles after a man kisses you?”
“You’re such a jerk! I can’t believe you would ask me something like that!” CL shrieks.
“Yah!” Seungska yells. “What have I done, again?”
Yoon CL hangs up on him.
Luckily, Secretary Kang refrains from commenting on that one.
Seungska isn’t too sure what he should expect, having tea with G-Raim, because her (probably) boyfriend kissed him and it’s all going to be very awkward.
It’s not.
G-Raim is still his biggest fan, which makes Seungska proud beyond belief. (He offers her his autograph on a napkin as thanks, she calls him oppa and blushes cutely - damn, sometimes Seungska loves his fans.)
“Aren’t you too mad at oppa about that thing with Jootop?” Seungska asks with a winning smile.
G-Raim flaps her hand around:
“Not at all!” she says, cheeks suddenly flushed. “Jootop mustn’t have been himself when it happened, I’m sure by now he’s forgotten everything about the… sweet… soft feel of oppa’s delicate mouth against his.”
G-Raim, sighting wistfully, avoids Seungska’s eyes and busies herself with readjusting her breasts.
Seungska is a bit lost, here.
So for the rest of the day Seungska locks himself into his house and refuses to see anyone, only shouting and throwing pillows at S7un when the brat comes to poke fun at him.
How dare he.
Seungska is the king of the hallyu wave.
Salvation comes with Jootop’s mother. (Unbelievable but true.)
Seungska has always been a bit terrified by his aunt, so it’s really saying a lot that he opens the door for her himself and doesn’t hide behind the couch like he did when he was a kid.
“Can I get you something to drink?” Seungska asks (and his voice does. not. squeak.)
“A glass of water,” Auntie Dae says dryly.
That’s usually a very bad sign.
“So,” she starts once they’re settled - Auntie Dae with her glass full of (icy) water, Seungska sipping orange juice with a straw. “I hear there were some indecent happenings with my son yesterday.”
Seungska shrinks into his cushions. “Were there?”
“How dare you!” Auntie Dae explodes. “You tarnished Jootop’s pure, virginal lips-” Seungska chokes on his orange juice “-you tainted his innocence, you- you-”
Seungska doesn’t even try to dodge the water. He (almost) doesn’t cry when an ice-cube hits him in the eye.
Auntie Dae sighs. “Smell,” she says. “Not you!” she shrieks at Seungska.
So all in all it’s all it takes to cure Seungska from the weird tingles: now, every time he thinks of kissing Jootop again, he sees his aunt’s purple lipstick and feels cold water on his face.